- Have you ever had this feeling that you were born to do something great? That you had another life that had great power. But you didnt know it until a man in white told you.(you are special) and said that you have a great and powerful demon in you. But the demon swears to protect you no matter what the cost. And you start to see ghost and demons and even creatures you never saw before. But you have to help and protect them from these people called spirit hunters and that there was this place called the Spirit Society(AKA Heaven) and that there are people with with strange powers, shapes, forms, and abilities. Here is a short list of creatures we have found. Mindless are people without a face or brain. they are not much to worry about. Trolls are giants and they have a territory and they attack for no reason. Crawlers are bug-like praying mantes. but the neck is much more longer and they have four eyes on their head and they have scythe-like arms. And the seven deadly sins are pure evil. But they are on the Spirit Society’s side. And that there are even clones. There is one for everybody.But they can’t be seen by anybody only the spiritualist can see them. the clones are more powerful than their double. Unkown are beings from another realm. Shadow are things that manipulate the shade on the ground and pull you in to the shadow zone.Spiritualist are people who protect the spirits and demons and other creature’s. But they only kill the one’s that harm the humans. END OF INTRO Our story begins in Japan. the is Nov.2.1849. In a village called Yosiema. A boy named Cloud has just been born. But his birth was not a pleasant one. A demon has cursed his family and his next generation would be cursed as well. But as the boy soon learns that the demon him no harm. That he is only here to help him. But his Mother passed away while giving birth and his father has deid in a war. And he has no other family. He’s an orphan. As Cloud grew up people treated him like an outcast. Cause of the demon in him. The demons name was Damon Of The Darkness. But as C,oud grew up he’s been seeing people that nobody else can see. He’s been seeing people in white clothes with reddish blue eyes and with swords. And other people in black and white clothes and downward cuts down their green eyes and pale faces and with claws as hands and with blades running down their forearms. When Cloud was 5 a man in white came up to him and said(if you wish to know about your power. Then come with me and I will train you)... For seven long years Cloud and the man in white trained. When Cloud was twelve he knew everything about the spiritualist. The man in white told Cloud his name. His name was Victor. For the next few days Victor trained Cloud how to become a spiritualist. To do that he must obtain the Reaper’s Scythe. On the fourth day of the training section. Cloud finally obtain the Reaper’s Scythe... But something was wrong. Suddenly something struck Victor! It was Cloud. But it wasn’t Cloud. It was Clouds Demon. Damon. But Damon seemed to be possessed. Damon kept hacking at Victor. Until Victor used a binding Spell(binding spell 47) and Cloud paused and fell to his knees and smiled and said (were coming)... The next Victor opened the door to the Spirit Seciety. TO BE CONTIUED
- by novazero13 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/19/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: REI 1
- Artist: novazero13
- Description: it sounds a little bit like bleach and naruto but so far it sound good to me im only giving you a little tho ^.^ but plz dont trash me if it suck ok and only say wat u think not how bad the gammer and stuff is
- Date: 07/19/2008
- Tags: rei1
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Comments (4 Comments)
- LeanderMalfoy - 07/19/2008
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ons. You need to break it up more and make the sentences flow better. It'll make the reading more believable and more enjoyable.
I'll leave more tips via Gaia Mail if you contact me and say you want them other wise I'll leave it at this. - Report As Spam
- LeanderMalfoy - 07/19/2008
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Hi Marc, my name is Katie and I just wanted to give you some advice on your story. I'm a writer too.
Now, West Losay already said some things that caught my attention as well, I'm just going to add some more suggestions.
1st Your spelling is off on somethings and you've missed words in your sentences. I think that you were just writing too fast and didn't bother to go back and proof read. That's easily fixed so long as you take your time on your next part.
2nd Some of your sentences are run - Report As Spam
- Sorinchachan - 07/19/2008
- its, ok. i would work on it tho.
- Report As Spam
- West Losay - 07/19/2008
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Well I think it has potential. Firstly, try separating it in paragraphs. At the moment, your writing is a big ugly block. It looks much prettier, and is much easier to read if you break the common ideas into sections.
You start a lot of sentences with 'and' and 'but. Avoid this.
Speech should go in these " and not these ( )
And don't be afraid to show more. Your story is very brief, and this is because you're saying what happened rather than describing it. - Report As Spam