• I won't be coming to work today, because, you see, I've been abducted. Aliens, yes. Space, no. It seems my neighbors are from Russia, you see. They're not quite here legally, and it seems that I am the unfortunate reason for their coming. I knew that my time in the field of espionage would catch up to me one day, and it finally has. It's crucial that I not be heard recording this message, so I'll keep my vice down. Please, send help. They have a power drill, and I'm not sure I want to know what they're planning.

    I'd been watching them for quite some time, you see, but apparently they were also watching me. They're out of the room now, and they neglected to search my body before they imprisoned me. My tape recorder is unharmed, and I hope to find some way to get it out of here and into the hands of someone who can help.

    It's a horribly dark room, where they're keeping me. I can't see my hand in front of my face, and couldn't find the door to try to escape. I can hear a clicking somewhere nearby. Oh God, don't let it be a bomb.

    Click, click, click. Tap, tap, tap.

    The noise is louder now. I'm sure the recorder is picking it up. What is it? It's horrible, that's what it is.

    They're coming back. I can hear their voices. If someone finds this after I'm gone, take my advice and stay out of the spy business. Please, oh God. Send help.