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by
Eirika
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Fiction
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| Submitted on 08/28/2008 |
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She could find herself unable to stare deep into his eyes anymore, their past differences circulating through her mind and putting her deep back into the crevice of depression. How many moments they had shared in which he would prove to her that he could only trust her at times conflicted with the many times she had found herself betraying him and hurting him in the cruelest of manners. Was it the Fates that kept her suspended on strings, ready to use her like a master to a puppet? Or deep down - was it for the sole purpose for what she lived for. She was only around to bring him pain - that was her only purpose in life. Secluded far away from her own home with the promises that she'd be able to return to the life she lived if she had only killed him.
He had thrown away his own securities and past friends and loves for her. She thought she could have done the same, but time and time again, all she did was bring him hurt. Yet, almost every time she had done this to him, he'd hold a hand out for her to grasp onto and she'd bring back into the security of his arms once more. No matter how many times Sakura hurt him, no matter what s**t she would pull, he'd be there to hold her against him tightly and tell her to forget it. Never once demanded an apology, never once had to question her sincerity.
Everyday she'd wake up and fight the urge to have to hurt him. She thought marrying him would cure the guilt of her past, but it still lingered above her. Haunted by the friends and family she was taken away from - despite the circumstances. He promised her a new life and even after that... she'd still hurt him.
She thought running away and hiding from all of this would settle the feelings. Avoiding the conflict was always a good way to resolve it in the past - but whenever she went to visit him and found him a crumpled mess, she felt her world about her shatter. Now she had to be the comforter - to be the one to hold him dearly.
Since that day she hadn't seen him, except during vital DNDFF meetings and during the duel with her Brother today. She'd always find herself staring at him, and yet hurt when he didn't return her gaze. What was their current status? She didn't deserve to be called 'Lady Polarstar', yet he never objected to it. He seemed emotionless whenever her name was spoken. He always overlooked her now, except whenever she was in uniform.
She now deemed herself to be of no importance once again, other than the fated leader of the DNDFF, version 2. She found herself spending most of her nights in the headquarters, studying up on things of the past over a glass of wine. She was nothing more than a mere commander of a small, growing army. No more sharing those nights together just in each other's arms, clinging onto the small security that only they could offer each other. Now she had nothing. Carelessly hurting him multiple times and now she was one the one who was left in the dark.
Speaking of the dark, Sakura noticed how late it had gotten. The bright sunny day had faded behind the earth's horizon and night was upon her. Shifting out of her chair, she moved over to the light panel, the instant her finger touching it - the dimmed room sprung back to life. Glancing around, she moved back to the desk, pushing the papers into the file cabinet and organizing it a bit. She tried her best to keep this room just as Blade had left it to her, but it usually ended up a mess... She always hated being a ditz. She could change it and smack herself into gear, but what was the point now? She served no purpose other than to lead this small army...
Crumpling back into the main chair, she curled her feet up to her chest, the thin fabric of her dress pressing against her gently, as she nestled her face into her knee's. To the world, she was cheerful Sakura Polarstar - prideful and ready to take on the world. Always wearing a smile and being serious when she needed to be.
To herself... she was the biggest traitor and a complete mess. Her heart had been ripped apart viciously by people she trusted and there was only two people in this world she could entrust her life to - the same people who would have protected her from anything or everything, including herself, in the past. Now how many people cared? Blade sure didn't look it... perhaps her Brother, but he was always off somewhere else.
It had been a few lonely months for Sakura - to the point where she wanted to give it all up and quit. She still held the one thing Blade treasured - even though in the past, she could have sworn she herself was the only treasure he could want.
She was confused to what purpose she served anymore... and if she didn't have the duties of the DNDFF to keep her sane, she'd destroy her very life this second. Lifting her head up, her cerulean eyes gazing out the window and out to the surroundings of the HQ, she could only wonder what her status to everyone was.
Wishing for answers, but too scared to ask the questions herself. This would be the main conflict Sakura found herself facing.
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Title:
The Seperation
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Artist:
Eirika
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Description:
Written in 2004 and archived here for an old pal to read, really. Check it, Akira. Old secret DNDFF writing... XD
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Date:
08/28/2008
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