• Hidden Behind the Wall


    When being an eighth grader, many of your classmates would think, “We rule this school!” Truth be told, I never thought of myself as a ruler just as one of the other older students. My school went from kindergarten to eighth grade. The younger students looked up to me, I still don’t know why but they always asked if I could play with them, and I did. I hated most of my peers; they treated me as though I was lower than dirt. So what, I was smart, taller than almost everyone (including more than half of the guys) I was a complete and total loner. I chose being a loner rather than being a priss. Priss is my version of guy or girl thinking that he or she is royalty, a prince or princess, compared to everyone else. I had friends but they turned out being fakes. That was no surprise.

    There were many divisions of us, same as other schools: jocks, preps, skaters, computers, geeks, nerds, rockers and a few more. But I did not fit into just one group. The clique I was in was known as Kakk Bac. We each were known for something different. Basically we were ‘assigned’ to be one solid thing because of what we each were good at. Amanda was the group leader and a completely royal pain. Katie, she was the group’s peppy girl, always happy and bubbly. Brittany fitted into the punk, strange and ominous stereotype category. Aurora was one of my greatest friends. We had so much in common. Kelly, my best friend in the entire world, I could always come to her when I needed a person to rely on. I told her all of my most private secrets and ideas. She was the out there girl, one minute she’s quiet then bam, party time!

    Then came the devil herself, Kristine. I hated her with all the power I had. She was the worst in the group, yet she played Ms. Angel, she pretended to do no wrong. She was the designer, the art genius in the pack. I could tell she was extremely jealous, because I could draw just as well as she could. Kristine never let me be alone, she swore at me, started rumors; physically hurt me from time to time. I still have some of the scars. Not just the physical but also the emotional scars as well. She was the worst possible enemy anyone could have been cursed to deal with, and she chose me as her prey.

    As for me, I was one of the smartest. I was labeled by many different names not just from Kakk Bac, but also from my former classmates. Radar, bookworm, wheezier, iron mouth, brace face, tin teeth, clutzilla and thousands more. I can never forget the bruises, beatings, rumors and all the torture I was put through. But it wasn’t just me who was getting abused because I existed; my little sister was a primary target as well. I could stand the pressure and pain but my sister, I didn’t even want to imagine what she really went through, all just because she wanted me to graduate. My name is Cam and welcome to my nightmare.

    My life was a routine: school, homework, chores, a bit of TV and bed. I go through my daily routine for getting to school and my grandma drops me off. Everything was normal. I went into school and swapped class books, off to morning classes. Three hours of learning, note taking and reviewing. The lunch bell rings. The lunchroom was also the gym and auditorium. Amanda started talking about Cody her current boyfriend, “Cody is so fine, and I mean really, how can anyone not resist his charm.” I tuned out Amanda. I tuned out everyone that was talking.

    Aurora then asked me, “Cam, you alright, I know Kristine’s a pain but you just got to ignore her, right?” I responded, “ I know, I know, it’s just… I wish she would just grow up!”

    I then noticed my hands were binding into fists. I forced myself to calm down right away. Kelly was looking at me with her head tilted to one side; she had a questioning look on her face. Truth be told it wasn’t me she should have worried about. Everyone at our table was talking, squawking and chatting away. I just thought to myself, “Too much talking, too much noise. Too much talking, too much noise.” It always gets on my nerves after a while. As always, I sat at the end of the table, finished my lunch first and I usually began to draw, read a book or write something in my notebook.
    The recess bell rings.

    During recess I would usually head to my shadowed corner to draw, read or write. But that day I decided to head out and be with my friends. I wanted to see if I could fit in, a humungous mistake. Kristine came on hard and fast. I had no time to think up a comeback. Kristine decreed proudly, “Cam you lowly worm, why did you come out of your hole. You stupid slug, don’t you get it? You may be smart but you have no clue, do you? You are nothing but a big, stupid cow. Get lost! You are not welcome among us.”

    After that, I had just noticed my crush and other classmates were circling around to see what was happening. Kelly didn’t even try to stop Kristine; instead, she added in laughing, “You don’t belong here, you never have. So do us all a favor and disappear.”

    As always, everyone began laughing, sickly. My rage, frustration, and anger nearly took control but I ran away. I just had to get away. There was a constant laugh echoing in my ears. The squeaking and laughter of the other kids, my footsteps and the echo all began to sound like a large beating drum. I ran as far as I could and hid behind the baseball fields. Before I realized it, someone had followed me, calling my name, “Cam… Cam…”

    I looked up; my face was completely red from all my hot blood rushing to my face, blushing. My eyes were burning from all the tears rushing down my face. As far as I could tell, what I was seeing was a guy with jet-black hair and a strange look on his face. He continued talking, “Cam, I am so sorry. I have never known Kristine could do something so… disgusting.”

    I knew by the sound of his voice, it was Yang, my major crush. That made me blush, even redder. He knelt down next to me, the grass was damp but I didn’t care if the backside of my jeans got soaked. Yang spoke softly, “I am actually pretty jealous of you. I have never met someone as …”

    I jumped in, “Someone as what? Someone as smart, childish, weak, big, babbling…”

    He then cut in, “No, none of those things. I was going to say, I have never met someone as determined as… strong willed… like you, before.” Yang looked at me with his soft, charcoal black eyes, like he really meant want he was saying. He wiped away some of the tears on my face. Yang then said, “You know what? I like the color of your face right now. You look like a vibrant and blooming rose.” His smile was soft, warm and inviting. I just looked dumb struck. We stood up. Then he did something, which I never thought I deserved.

    Yang swung his pale, strong arms around my shoulders. His grip was making me flush red. He was holding me in a hug. My arms were down at my side, frozen in shock. My mind went blank, my body was ice stiff but my face was burning. He was stood behind me, placing his head on my left shoulder. Everything then went drop dead silent.

    Yang’s voice broke the silence, “Cam, please remember this moment. You are someone I can always trust and share my feelings with. I hope you feel the same way. Please remember that not everyone has ice running in their veins.”

    Turned my head to look at him. His arms were so freezing cold; his eyes were closed. It felt as though time had come to a complete halt. I did not want him to let go, ever. No sound, no annoying prisses, it was perfect exactly like a fairy tale. All I was missing was a silver lined gown and prince charming wearing a fine suit. I stopped my own dream, took a step forward, and turned around to look at him, directly face to face.

    I spoke, “I am so sorry but… I can’t…” I paused. “I don’t deserve or want pity from anyone especially you, Yang. Please try to understand; I don’t think I could ever blossom. I am just a simple, unwanted weed in the back of the garden.” I took two steps back. He didn’t move. Yang whispered, “I don’t want the prettiest flower in the garden.” I bet I looked confused. “All I want is the most beautiful blossom in the back corner of the garden.”

    We both were silent after that; my mind was racing with all the things we both had said. I slid past him, to the fence door that lead back to the playground. “Good bye.” I whispered, softly. I walked away, leaving him there, standing.

    The bell rings.

    Afternoon classes begin.
    I walked into school, headed for my locker but what I found was not pleasing to see. At least, it was not right at that moment. The note in my locker door had the Kakk Bac symbol. The note was from Kristine. I choked the name. The piece of notebook paper was written in the most beautiful handwriting, I had ever seen. But what it said was beyond sickening. I stashed the note into my jacket pocket and swapped books for my afternoon classes. During English, I opened the note and read what was written within its folded lines,

    “Cam, why do you even try fitting in? I mean really we both know that you are a waste of space and air. What even makes you think that you belong here? Tell me what is your purpose, trying to be someone? You are clearly nothing but a complete nobody. And, as for your little sister, Mary, she can’t fight the pain forever. You know we can break her into dust. She would do almost anything for us, just so that you can get into your dream high school. Am I right? She is nothing but a worm, a toad. Wait she is even lower than you, worm.”

    For a quick flashback, my sister, Mary, went through the torture of Kristine’s ranting, raving, and physical abuse. Mary had bruises and cuts on her arms when she came home from school, many times. I couldn’t just stand by and watch her hold in all that pain. I had to do something. But I was too afraid. Back to now.

    As soon as I finished reading that note, my hands began shaking; my face started bursting into a fire red color. My eyes became a dark red, brown color; wanting vengeance. I forced my hands to grip the desk and hold it, squeezing the desk so hard, that my fingers got cut and left a few drops of blood. Kristine turned to look at me and began laughing under her breath. Then I just… snapped. In less than what seemed to be a second, I was right behind Kristine, in the empty desk behind her. She saw my face in shock.

    Kristine had frozen in place, but she was happy to see that my face was pale, my eyes were thirsty for revenge and my hands were crossed clutching each other. All Kristine said was, “What’s the problem Cam? Have you just seen your little sister’s ghost?” That was it; I released my left hand and counted backwards from five. She got up and waited till I got to one. She was in for more than she could live for. As soon as I got to one, Kristine had started swearing. She ran past the lab top cart, a few desks and a student or two.

    I caught her and pinned her to the floor; my mind was blank; I had no clue what was going on at the time. I held Kristine down with my right hand. I could already tell she was in shock that I had so much raw pain and anger built up. My left hand was tied into a bone-breaking fist. I was only one or two inches away from cracking her in the face. All I remember thinking was, “Kristine… it’s time you get what I owe you.” I came back into conciseness just then. Everyone was watching to see if I would finish off Kristine. But… before I did any further damage, I ran out of the dark classroom. I was running at top speed, my tears stinging my eyes. The hallways flew past, in a giant gray blur. The girls’ bathroom door slammed open. I hid in a stall. After what seemed to be forever, my mom’s friend and Girl Scout leader equal, Mrs. Fabina came in. She heard my shaky breathing and my cries. Mrs. Fabina comforted me, talking to me from outside the stall and came back within ten minutes. She went to talk to the substitute that was in the classroom at the time. She also talked to Kristine to get her side of the story. Mrs. Fabina told me that Kristine had said that she was innocent and did not do a single thing to provoke me.

    I hid in the girls’ bathroom until the final school bell rang. I waited about another five minutes or so, until everyone had left. I came out. I waked through the empty halls, hearing the rumors and lies that would be circling me for weeks to come. I walked into my home classroom and gathered my books. I walked to my locker and turned the combination. Two turns to the left, 44. One full turn to the right, 2, turn to the left, ended on 22. I gathered all my needed books for homework, put on my orange, winter Columbia coat and slipped on my pack.

    I was stopped at the exit door by a couple of my teachers, asking if I was all right. Out of nowhere, Amanda showed up and asked, “What’s wrong Cam?” She meant it as a sarcastic victory not as a question of concern for a friend. I ran out into the cool March air. I didn’t look back. I ran to my grandma’s car waiting for me, opened the door, swung my pack off and jumped in. I slammed the door shut and buckled my belt. My grandma knew that Kristine had won. My sister, Mary was sick that day, thank goodness. So she didn’t see what had happened. My mom allowed me to stay home. Thankfully it was a Friday, so I was given Friday and the weekend off.

    The weekend passed.

    Then came Monday.

    I followed my routine, walked into the school halls and swapped books. I heard every word, every little gasp that my fellow students whispered under their breaths. I entered my homeroom, sat down and waited for the consequences to follow. I stood by what I had done and accepted everything I had to deal with from then on. And to this day, I have no regrets about my actions. Kristine had gotten off easy as always. I did not get any detention, suspension or a ticket of disturbing the peace. I told my sister bits and pieces of what had happened, she hugged me like I could hardly breathe. She was so happy; that it appeared she was crying. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

    I told her, “Everything is ok Mary, and there is no more need for your crying.” Mari tried to tell me, “There is to a need for my crying. You don’t have to go through the nightmare called Kristine anymore. She’s afraid of you. Now both of us are safe.

    Thank you, Cam, for everything.”

    After everything I went through, I finally decided to face my classmates’ annoying questions and comments. I walked through the empty, dark, uninviting halls. It felt so cold walking through them. I became a celebrity of my own grade. The fame I despised was built off of lies, anger and misplaced fear. I saw the Kakk Bac members, just as I had thought, they changed their name to Kak Bak. I was cut out completely. My best friend Kelly had become a full priss and I didn’t care at all. As for my crush, he didn’t even look at me, he was afraid of me now. I understood completely and knew that I could never be with him. Now that I had found out what monster strength I have, I decided for the sake of everyone, to become a shadow.

    Throughout the remainder of my final year, I was concealed within the shadowed halls. No one saw me, and no one heard from me. I read through all my books at least twice during recess, and I stayed in the library helping the computer teacher and others. The younger students still thought I was their celebrity and I put on a graceful, warming and happy act for them, so none of them would know what was wrong. I worked harder everyday gaining more and more knowledge. But in return I gave up being myself, at the time I gave up reading my books for enjoyment, I gave up my music, writing and even… my own talent at drawing. I became a complete social outcast, a bookworm, and a pathetic shadow.

    As for Mary, she did not receive any more bruises or injuries. She began to stand tall; all on her own free will. She even told me on graduation day, “Cam, you want to know something? It wasn’t the fact that Kristine’s empire fell; it was you. It was my big sister who restored my freedom and my strong will. Cam, you are my guardian angel and above all else, you deserve more than anything to go to that school. Just promise me one thing…”

    “What?” I replied.

    “Don’t let anyone change who you are. I want my guardian angel, even though you can be a bit of a goofball.” We both busted up laughing after that.
    I knew everyone would be safer if I hid the good, the monster, and my true self. So now that I have graduated from middle school and now a freshman at Thomas More, I am hoping to start over, so that nothing of that magnitude will ever happen again. I hid myself behind an iron wall. I thought I had to protect everyone from myself that may be true but only to a certain extent. Now I will try to unlock the door, little by little