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One night i was playing in the living room of our house, my mother was sitting on the couch and my father was outside doing who knows what. I started to sing a song, the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout, when the door crashed open and my dad ran in, with a look of horror on his face. My mother gasped "what is it dear" and my father yelled "its him!", and my mother then cried "I thought we could escape but i guess not". My father then screamed "take Michelle and hide!". I whimpered "who is it mommy?", She smiled "dont worry dear it'll be alright", Thats when we heard this cruel laugh and then a voice came from the door "I dont think so". A man appeared at the door with a cruel smile on his face, he looked at me for a sec and then told to my parents get away from me and to stand against the wall, when they didn't he pulled a gun out and pointed at me and yelled "now!". They got up and stood against the wall, my mother cried please "just don't hurt her". The man told them im not, but I'm gonna be her guardian now", my eyes grew really wide and I shivered. My parents screamed "why?", he said "you know why, for what u did to my child I'll do the same to your child", and with that quick as lighting he was beside me, he picked me up and was out the door and gone. I had been 6 when that had happened, I was now 16 yrs old and a vampire. I forgot to mention the man that had taken me was a vampire, he had turned me the moment he thought that we were far enough away from the house.
To be continued...
- Title: The Day I Died
- Artist: Ichigo76
- Description: The story of a young girl who gets taken from her parents by a Vampire who wants revenge against them.
- Date: 11/28/2008
- Tags: died
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Thorn Of The Sky - 04/24/2010
- I agree with the other two about your grammar. But Ill be kinder about it. After all,we are mere humans,and we aren't perfect. Maybe you just had the inspiration to write,and didn't take time for grammar. Who knows. Ill give you a 4/5
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- Lilith Celestine17 - 06/30/2009
- I loved this. When will the next chapter be? I wanna hear more. Does she fall in love with someone? Is the one who turned her into a vampire fall in love with her? What happens to him?
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- Ichigo76 - 12/19/2008
- im sorry but that is how i write, forgive me
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- XDanica - 12/06/2008
- The story COULD be great. But frankly, the way it is told, ruins it all. And I agree with The Beautiful Disaster xX, your grammar is TERRIBLE. Also, if you really believe this could be something, edit your presentation of the plot and stretch it out. Be more descriptive.
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- Menstrual Leakage - 12/01/2008
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It's a pretty good story, but you really need to work on how you write. Most of it is just a big run-on sentence, & there should be more than one paragraph. You don't have quotation marks where you should, and most punctuatioin is misplaced. It also isn't very descriptive. The entire time, you used 'said,' when you could have used screamed, whispered, cried, choked out, muttered, and other words like that.
I truly like the story, but I'm going to rate it 3/5 because of the grammar errors. - Report As Spam