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I could picture it like it was only yesterday; it was Christmas Eve, the smell of fire invaded my mind, making it easy to clear my thoughts. My two friends where sitting right next to me, trying to keep warm from the snow. I let my mind wander for a little bit, back to my family. They would be sleeping now, in their nice warm beds, while I was on night watch. It was a silent night, nothing made a sound, but I knew that something was out there, watching, waiting. I knew that my friends didn't hear it, because they where still talking in whispers, but I did. A twig snapped in half not that far away, so I turned around to see who, or what, was there. My breathing increased as I saw nothing but trees and darkness around me, but I knew that something was there, lurking in the trees, waiting to pounce. Paranoia started to creep over me. I guessed my friends felt me stirring right besides them, and asked what was wrong. I just stayed quiet, they understood my silence and went to go and warn the general in the tent about five yards away. I grabbed my rifle right next to me, i always kept it loaded during my watch just in case.
Minutes passed. Nothing. Then, I heard it, a gun fire about one mile away. Birds flew from overhead. I froze with my hand on the trigger. Waiting, waiting...
- by Lullaby of Fallen Angels |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 12/13/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: A Civil Story
- Artist: Lullaby of Fallen Angels
- Description: This is the beginning of a story that I'm writing for school. All of my friends say that its really good, but I need some other peoples opinions on it... and just note, I'm a beginner at writing somewhat, I only actually started to write about a year ago... so yeah... please comment! ^_^ Forgive me about all the comma's. I've been working on it. When I got it done though, I lost it. : (
- Date: 12/13/2008
- Tags: civil story
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Comments (2 Comments)
- Rayons_De_lunes - 03/11/2009
- It's crap. . .xD just kidding it's really good! You're a good writer aside from the comma shoring. . .but hey we all tend to do that at some point don't we xD
- Report As Spam
- Rurousha Nue - 12/20/2008
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It's pretty good^^
Since it's for school..I have to comment on the 'comma abuse' as my english teacher puts it. Other than that, I like it =] - Report As Spam