chapter 1 pt 1:New to the paws

• Artist: iiRaWr_BuBbl3zii
• Description: Ai is a "normal" teen girl, n by "normal" i mean a nervous wreck, scared of everything that crawls toward her. And she kinda is part wolf-demon....she finds out her Dad has been looking for her since birth, ....and....well....for find out in the story "WHICH IS A MANGA BTW" heres the link
  
  http://iheartchu.smackjeeves.com/
• Date: 01/03/2009
• Tags: chapter 1new paws

For all i knew, school was a drag, a jailhouse where parents sent their kids to be torchered for 6 hours. I hated it, didn't everyone else? But in the begining, i figured everything was all right. Until i met HIM.... the quiet, shy,cute, jerky boy of the ninth grade that i LOVED. he never noticed me, i mean, he occasionally looked my way, but, never actually talked to me, or smiled at me, in fact i thought he hated me! His name, Toya Otomiiya. His perfectly brown hair flowed just obove his golden brown eyes. And his complexion, oh, it was sooo soft, you could tell, just by looking at it. But i was the shy girl who had ruffy shoulder-length deep brown hair and unreadable brown eyes. I was in My favorite sweatshirt and jeans with some converse's on. My hair was not showing from the hoody covering it, but with only the acception of a few strands that fell from my bun....

It was the middle of autumn, but to me, spring and autumn were the perfect, romantic seasons of the year. And, my brithday was in autumn, so it was given. I was constantly staring at Toya, ignoring my language arts teacher, because language arts was the only class i got to see the ninth grade. but, i was in 8th, and i didn't think he'd want to go out with an 8th grader, even if it was just one year apart.

Today he was wearing a orange t-shirt that said : "caution; toxic by kiss" and by all the girls he's probably was toxic,,,,, as in uber hot. No guy has every asked me out, danced, or kissed me. And Toya wasn't going to either.

Loveing him wasn't going to go anywhere, just me and his beautiful, beautiful eyes........... but, oddly enough, i couldn't help but wonder, did he ever notice me, or , maybe every think about that one girl who was sweet, shy, and always caught his eye? no, it wasn't possible. Just a dream, a far, far away dream.....

After Lang. Arts i walked to my mom's empty car, she was a teacher here at my school, so, while she was finishing grades after school, i was in the car, listening to my ipod, doing homework, and was secretly watching Toya walk to his house. he didn't live far from here.

He looked this way... i quickly smiled and looked down at my math....stupid, stupid, stupid. I glanced up. He was still standing there, smiling my way. at.....me. He began walking this way. That's when i paniced.

i walked out of the car. "h-hi toya-sama" what am i thinking. "hi....Ai....right?"
"y-yeah!"

Comments

[Zweit]

Reias I'm beginning to think your following me :/

Red down there covered most of the things. The only comment I would add is that you're a little too fond of elipsies. The .... there. I can understand if a person is hesitant to answer, but you don't need to put fifty of those in there to show it.

[Reias]

The story itself isn't bad. Some advice to make it better though. Please use spell check, "I" needs to be in capital letters. "Lang. Arts" should be spelled out in its entirety, you usually don't use abbreviations in writing. Some words are not spelled right, however your story content is more solid than other stories I've seen. Please continue to write.