• He was swinging his axe at me when I thought, how did I end up here? Hey, I am Justin Timberlake's body guard, Gene Simmons. I would like to share with you my story of life versus death.
    Saturday June 27th, 2012 I was washing Justin's laundry after his major concert in Bolivia when the Hulk came in and threw me out the window of the laundromatte. The Hulk was not forgiving so I pulled my cat out of from behind me like they do on cartoons and threw it at him while the cat was cllawing through the air at the Hulk. Justin walked into the laundry room and the the Hulk punched the cat and it bouced off the Hulk's fist and hit Justin, this really made me mad because I was his body guard and for something to hurt him just couldn't be beared. I grabbed the extendo-arm and went back in through the window and grabbed the cat then threw it across the room. The Hulk grabbed me and pulled me out the window then he was about to throw me when I pushed a magic button I grabbed from behind and my tennis shoes turned into cleats. I jabbed my feet into his eye sockets like spongebob 'accidentally' did to the strangler. The Hulk pulled out me and my sheos along with his eye balls and he grabbed around in the laundry room. Right next to the fire extinguisher was an axe. He grabbed it and swung it at me. While he was swinging it I realized this was a big mistake, why was the hulk mad at me or Justin? I believe it was because Justin Timberlake is sexier but, that's just my opinion... Not that I think he's sexy or anything...
    I asked the Hulk why and he said, "I was bored and needed to pick a fight, plus Justin is sexier than me." I knew it! So I told him to go pick a fight with Paris Hilton because it's not like she does anything important anyways. Or at least I don't think she does. So the hulk went to beat up Paris Hilton when he realized it was really Brittany Spears and that Paris Hilton was in the shower. I really don't want to get into details. All I remember is that the Hulk would only make the deal if he saw my really long tongue. The Hulk then grabbed his eye balls from my cleats and placed them back into his head (disgusting!) and I showed him wondering how in the world hw could see but, I wasn't going to argue.
    I, Gene Simmons, live to see the day Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears get what they deserve, not that I have anything against Brittany Spears but, she had too many kids, I mean she has like... 23 of them right?