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My name is Rane. My mother named me after my grandmother. It was a big honor; to be named after your grandmother. But i hate my name. I want my name to be big, bold and not some dumb old name like Rane. I go to a highschool where people have gorgoes names like Andria and Natilie. But no, I'm stuck with Rane. But this isn't what my story is about. It's about me moving, to a whole different country. We moved when my mom got a new job. It was a big offer, but the job took place in Mexico. I screamed at her when she told me, u had just made some really good friends. I also just got a boyfriend whom i loved so much. But yet two months later, my room is setup in my new house. That's when i became depressed. I hated life in Mexico. It was too dirty* and too sunny. I didn't like the beach either. Basically it was my own hell. I was trapped in this world of beaches and sunlight. It was terrifying. On my first day at Hiltion High School. Not only was it huge, most of the students were very tan. Unlike me. I was pale as an albino. I felt out of place. As i walked up the steps, i saw that many people talked Spanish. Oh no. I didn't speak Spanish; I had taken French at my old school. I would feel like an idiot if i spoke French in a Mexcian school. So at my first day, i played hookie. I ran all the way back to my house. I knew my mom was at work, so i opened the door and stepped in. I flopped down on my bed. What was i going to do? I would have to move back home. I would live with my friend Kasey. She would let me. So i packed a bag, left a note, and started walking. As i was walking, i realized that i was walking into downtown Mexico. My mom had told me that this part of Mexico was not safe. I walked a little faster. But then carma came back to bite me.
"You there! Yo! Stop!"
I looked real fast and saw a couple of guys walking toward me. i panicked and I walked faster until i was praticaly running. The men ran to catche up. The grabbed me.
"Where you goin'? We have some plans for you."
"Stop it! Let go of me!" I screamed, twisting my arms to get free.
"Whoa, hold on. Your comin' with us."
They dragged me down the street. All the while i was kicking and screaming. Soon we came to an open road, and i felt relived. I would just scream and someone would notice. But it was almost like they read my thoughts.
"Don't scream or we'll kill you." He showed me a switch blade and i almost fainted.
Their going to kill me.
*I am not a racist against Mexico. I love Mexico myself.
Thank you so much guys! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! If you would like more, please comment.
- by The Odd Couple |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 02/15/2009 |
- Skip
Comments (7 Comments)
- -Euphema- - 05/01/2009
- I like your story, you should write more
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- Seeshinamaru13 - 03/02/2009
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I like your story. You really need to work on your grammar and spelling. I kind of like the flow in your story despite what others have said in previous comments. You should add a lot more details and try to drag out various parts. When she was being confronted by them why did they only speak in english... shouldn't they speak in spanish first b4 they realize she can't speak it?
Well, overall its a nice story and i'm looking forward to reading more of it. smile - Report As Spam
- The Odd Couple - 02/16/2009
- Thanks a TON for the help guys! I appreicate it and I'm sorry for my rude comment to Wolverctoe. Thanks again! smile
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- lightBaLaNcEdark - 02/16/2009
- A short story does NOT mean to slack off on the details. There are dictionary defined "short stories" that are hundreds of pages long. This is quite choppy, and as a reader I was kind of confused about the flow of it. Things happen too fast, details are skimmed over too quickly. Give some time for the reader to enjoy the exposition before immediately being thrown into the action.
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- Axel_stole_my_heart - 02/16/2009
- It was okay, I think you need to be a little more descriptive. I found myself being bored out of my skull while reading this. I also noted a lot of your grammer mistakes. It take away from your story. It all kind of runs together too. I think you need a little more orginization.
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- xx__L0LLiEP0P - 02/16/2009
- It's called constructive criticism . She's trying to help you not bad mouth you . I recommend proofreading myself . "Their" is possessive , "they're" is the contraction for "they are" .
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