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Chapter 1
Dathew put one foot out of the gates of the Shadow Village. " I need to learn a new fighting style, and fast. So far, I know Saiyan tecniques, ninja jutsu, superhero powers, magic and sorcering, and controlong sand and shadows, " exclaimed Dathew. " It's not that easy to master a style, " said Capn. Capn was the owner of the famous Shadow Village Arena. " Well, see you in about 2 months, Dathew! " waved Capn. " Peace, Capn. Good luck with managing the arena! " waved Dathew as he headed out of the village. Meanwhile, Ashtro and BestCoolWill were attacking armies. Right now, they were at the Vampire Northern Base and were waiting for Dathew and WaffleOwnage. " Where are-" "Sorry I'm late," said Ashtro as he was interrupted by WaffleOwnage who teleported there. " Is he late again? " asked WaffleOwnage. BestCoolWill nodded.
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Finally, Dathew rushed into the room. " You're so late! " exclaimed WaffleOwnage. " What are you talking about? You know it doesn't take a short time to get from the Shadow Village to this place," commented Dathew. " You're lucky I'm fast. It should take about 3 days to get from here to there! " " As your fellow Shadow Villagers, we need to push you to the limit, " said ShadowNaruto who was walking towards Dathew from behind and put his hand on Dathew's shoulder. " Now, let's get to work! " Ashtro and BestCoolWill rushed to the throne of the general of the Northern Base. " Hello, your highness. Can we join your wonderful army? We've been looking for an army for many months and we figured we wanted to become Vampires," Ashtro said. " And how do I know that you won't be TRADERS?! " replied the general. " You never will. We'll destroy this whole army before you damn vampires can touch my ninjas! " yelled WaffleOwnage who put his blade in front of the general's throat. " That is a poison blade. One move and.... you're dead.... " mysteriously said ShadowNaruto as he walked down the red carpet towars the throne with his hands behind his back. " And guess what? WE'RE GONNA MESS YOU UP!! "
- by ASAPVincent |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 05/03/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: VMK chapter 1: Departure
- Artist: ASAPVincent
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Description:
This is my story, and I hope you like it. The names of the characters are names of actual gaia members, so I don't wanna change them. I hope you like it. :)
- Date: 05/03/2009
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Comments (1 Comments)
- Prince Kurda - 05/10/2009
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Kudos for minimal spelling mistakes, but it's written poorly. One of the most important rules of writing is that you can't write more than one person's dialogue in the same paragraph. In other words, only one person talks per paragraph.
My other complaint is that there's TOO MUCH dialogue. Try writing a little more description. It'll make it longer and more interesting.
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