• I stood in the full length mirror, my face stained with tears my arms with blood. The skinny jeans i wore were plain blue jean. My tshirt was black with an indescript face on the front thats was drawn with shades of gray. My hair fell slightly below my sholders tossled and sticking out here and there. The razor lay on the floor. That cold pleasure i let myself indulge in. My only friend. Control i had no where else. I'd gone too far this time though. Hadn't stopped myself when I saw the blood. Now it was still pouring out.

    The tears hadn't been from pain, just pure exstasy. It was a rush that's passed through me everytime my skin was pierced. The problem was i went far too deep this time. Usually at the sight of blood i would stop. Usually I would scratch the razor along the same place. Following that permenent scar. This time i had cuts all up and down my arms some minor ones even on my legs. I hadn't stopped because i was done this time. I had stopped because i had no where left to cut.

    I pulled off my shirt and wrapped around my left wrist, where the bleeding was the worst. I looked at myself again and a cynical smile came to my lips. My stomach. An empty canvas. Then my thoughts churned. My stomach one of my most hated body parts. I can't say I'm huge because i'm really not. But I had a pouch of a stomach and i've always wanted it gone. I went to my razor and sank to the floor.

    I played with it in my hands as i thougt of how to do it. then it came to me so perfect. I snuck downstairs quickly leaving blood drops all over. Grabbed a needle and thread from the laundry room then quietly went back to my room. I sat near the mirror so as to see better what i was doing. I cut a long line at the bottom of my stomach. then i began to dig out what was inside. After I couldn't see very well i stopped. I took the needle and thread and before i passed out sewed up my stomach.

    I was smiling as i went into unconciousness. I was smiling as i walked into the gates of hell.I stopped smiling when i saw my body so dead when my life was shown to me tears came. I remembe thinking of all the things i could of done. All that stuff i had not known or understood. Of the insanity my mind had gone to. I regretted what i had done to myself because when i looked back i saw that it hurt me more then anything else had...




    I am 4 months clean of cutting. I was thinking bout doing it today but instead i sat down and wrote. This is what came out of it. Its a bit exagerated and the ending much diffrent then how it turned out for me, but this is some what how me quiting cutting was like. I always cut in the same place so as to not get caught. Easier to hide. One day i didnt and my wrists were both filled with cuts. That's when I realized the thing I used for control was taking control of me. I confessed to my mom, and got help. That was about 9 monthes ago. I had what i call a relapse, but I'm much happier now and I think I can actually do it I believe i can quit forever. I'm putting this up not only to help releave myself but because i realized many people cut.

    If you do get help, even if you don't tell your family and friends ask ex cutters. Anyone can PM me if they'd like I'm always willing to listen. Also if you know anyone who does, no matter how mad they'd be at you try to make them stop and it it doesn't work simple tell someone who can help. If you suspect a someone you know is cutting confront them don't leave it go.


    Sorrry i sound like and after school special sweatdrop xp but seriously help out.