• Chapter 2: The Fite at Der House
    The fight at DUUUUUUUUR house. I wonder who der is.

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    Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that.)

    Vampires can teleport...If that's true, unicorns eat kittens and leprechauns poop cream puffs.

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    he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans.

    NOOOOO NOT THE ROMANS! STOP THROWING CHEMICALS ON THEM!

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    i started 2 sing in my beatifull voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?" every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me.

    Oh you have such a lovely voice, Mary-Sue I mean Twila wink

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    OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths.

    ...WTF?!?

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    "WOT R U DOING???????" i creamed. deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. den they stoppd and confused.

    I'm guessing creaming is the equivalent to when a sponge cake craps itself...

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    "Sorry Twila." edward sed. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts. it wnt hapen agen" puting bak on mi clothe."Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me" i excplaned. they all understod.

    Yeah, because all that black makeup caked on your face is soooo attractive.

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    "it must be ur blood" sed carlose in horrofied. "Beauty, u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it. itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name?"

    Since when do vampires drink other vampires' blood? And first she's a vampire, then she's a sponge cake, now she can change into a human? Not fair!

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    "Dat b*tches nam is bella" sed jasper growling. Midnite hugged him so he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk.

    Midnight? Where'd she come from? Well, duh, vampires are just so magical they can teleport to random places and randomly give hugs to people in need. How stupid of me rolleyes

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    "twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alise hu was a plebian. edward rowred at her, furius n all protective n sudenly... he htransformed!!

    Plebian? Why is that word so familiar? He transformed, but into what? MADNESS!

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    "OMFG NOOOO" i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt. eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels.

    Edward really needs to stop putting clams in his shirt.

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    his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy n he jumped at alice
    "TWOLA IS MARRING ME ALREADI"

    And Twila's just going to stand by and let Edward claim her. She sets feminism back farther than Bella, yes I said it.

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    he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her. He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me.

    You don't need to explain what glass raining down from the windows is like. We already know.

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    "Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized "Guess wat srry im not a lebian." alice started 2 cry tearz of blood. "Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios

    If Twila's a vampire, wouldn't she already know why?

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    "Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time. "wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN"

    I was actually somewhat impressed at this. That was pretty...creative.

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    Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety as me n her throat flew open. n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it.

    You can't eat blood. And now her name is Rosemarie again. MY HEAD!

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    "Ohh mi satan" i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble.

    Stop pretending to be a Satanist.

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    edward jus laughed "its ok babe" he said nd kissed me for da 1st time!

    "It's ok, babe. My sister is just laying in a bloody mess on the floor, being eaten by her psychopathic, lesbian sister. It's no big deal.

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    (He had turned back from blak ed to white ed

    Black Ed? "Yo, Edward all up in her representin y'all. Word.

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    (a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET) n he was calm agen.)

    .....Oh. Hell. Noes.

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    "Shez a vampir, shell just c** bak 2 life."

    That's what she said.

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    so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf.

    And she was just fine with her sister almost killing her? I would've killed her back. Hey, she's a vampire, so she'll just magically come back to life.

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    we had berger king 4 diner bcuz i had 2 hurry.

    Or maybe it was just that Edward didn't feel like buying anything better for you. Cheapskate.

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    n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my.

    On your........What? On your what? DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING WOMAN!

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    his body waz so warm n i culdnt wate to c him agen.

    Wait, I thought vampires were as cold as ice.