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[AN: This is my first sci-fi story that may be any good, so please comment and criticize.]
I woke up from my comfortable spot on the floor. I had fallen off my bed, again. I silently swore at myself. I walked into my living room. My seventeen-year-old nephew, Futoshi, was sleeping on the couch. I walked over to him. He needed to get his lazy, jobless tail up.
"Futoshi." I snapped. "Get up." He groaned and slid of the couch. He scowled at me. I smirked. I walked into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. Futoshi was old enough, he could make his own breakfast. I put a piece of bread in the toaster and walked to my room. I walked over to my computer to check my e-mail. I had a good twenty e-mails, but only one caught my attention. It was from the HAL (Human Alliance League), AKA the millitary.
It began:
Dear Commander Aya Tsuchi:
I stopped there. Commander? I thought. I'm not a-Oh no. I pressed on.
We are excited to tell you that you that you have been drafted into the Sector 12 division of the HAL Army. You have been appointed to the position of Commander of the Hikari skyship. Your job starts on Wednesday, August 26, NE 3023.
I looked at the clock. It showed the date as well as time. Today was August 26. The e-mail had a few more sentences.
It seems that you are housing a child named Futoshi Uehara.
My heart stopped. The last thing I wanted was for Futoshi to be in the millitary.
He has been appointed Mechanic of the Hikari.
I nearly fainted. Why? Why? I thought.
We look forward to seeing you helping the Humans win the bloody war against the Androids.
I grabbed my phone to call my best friend, Nokkin. Nokkin was a Halfie, half-human/half-Android, like me. He was raised more by Androids than by humans (as evidenced by his name, a Kisron name, the language of the Androids.) His human name (and preferred name), was Kiyoshi, but I liked Nokkin better. He was my best friend/worst enemy at the same time. He picked up on the second ring.
"Hello?" He said.
"Nokkin. Have you been drafted yet?" I said.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Where are you positioned?" I asked.
"Co-Commander of the Hikari skyship."
I breathed. "Thank God."
"What?"
"I'm the Commander."
"WHAT?" He asked, outraged. It was fun making him mad.
"Well, goodbye. See you at the docks."
I could hear him swearing as I hung up. I walked back to the kitchen, my now cold toast was sticking out of the toaster. I grabbed it. Futoshi was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. I grabbed him by the collar of his pajamas and dragged him to the closet.
"Aunt Aya, what the heck are you doing to me?" He stammered.
"We've been drafted. Let's go." He was speechless. He had lost both of his parents (his mother being my sister) to the War.
I looked into my mirror. I was small, really small. I was only about 5'2 and 110 pounds. I had straight black hair that came to my shoulders and gray eyes(something I inherited from my Android father). I looked over at Futoshi. He was tall, much taller than me, and just as skinny. He was fully human, so his eyes were dark brown. His hair was shoulder length, like mine. His hair was a lot messier than mine. He glared at me as we walked out of the door.
[592 words]------------------------------
[So, is it any good? Please comment. Even if you say it's terrible. I may not take it as well, but hey, criticism is good.]
- by Rainbow Xylophones |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/30/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: Hikari
- Artist: Rainbow Xylophones
- Description: A sci-fi story I thought of in Literature. It might be good-ish. I think it's okay.
- Date: 11/30/2009
- Tags: hikari
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Comments (2 Comments)
- wildhorsegirl123 - 12/31/2009
- its alright. actually i didnt find anything wrong with the story, the puncuation, the capitilization, ar anything else. yes, a back story would be a good thing. i think i sorta understand it but not all the way. keep working on it. i t could be a GREAT story with a little TLC
- Report As Spam
- Rainbow Xylophones - 11/30/2009
- If anyone is confused about what's going on, I'll probably post a backstory of what's going on, with the Humans, the HAL, the Androids, and such.
- Report As Spam