• I sat in my room silently. Phone in my hand as tears fell freely down my face. My breathing was heavy. My eyes swollen as mascara fell down my face as my tears began to fall more rapidly down my face.

    The silence in my room was suffocating. Like as if it was taunting me. Yet, at the same time. The silence felt right. It felt like it was comforting my time of pain. Almost welcoming it in its blank embrace. It didn’t have to say anything in order to make me feel better. It was just silent.

    The silence felt like an embrace of comfort in this moment. Even though it was driving me crazy. It still felt nice having it here. It reminded me of the many times his light brown eyes would stare into me with such intensity I would look away. Blushing. How the dimples on his cheeks would lighten up his smile. Oh how I loved to lay my head on his chest. He was tall enough for me to do so. His voice was smooth and was music to my ears. That’s why he was suppose to say something and let his voice smooth away my wounds.

    He was supposed to say something. He was supposed to tell me everything my heart longed to hear from him. He was supposed to be the prince charming that came to save the day. Not by killing something or by saving me. But my saying something. He could have said something! Anything! But his silence sliced through me like a dozen knives.

    No one should ever be treated like this. No one. Played like a puppet on string. I fell for his every lie and charming smile. He wasn’t the true frog I was supposed to kiss. He was the poisonous frog that I should have stayed away from. But believing in his lies. He tricked me into the kiss and the poison spread through my body like my blood. Now, I sit in my room. As the venom eats away at my heart. Forever to be gone, along with everything else I knew.

    I thought every one found their prince charming by their first kiss. They are swept off their feet and carried away by them. To live a happily ever after. But yet, I was wrong. Very wrong.

    There is no such thing as a happily ever after, no such thing as a prince charming, no such thing as love at first sight or by first kiss. None of that was real. Cinderella never met her prince. Snow white stayed in the sleeping death as well as for Sleeping Beauty. None of those stories were real. They all were made up for our enjoyment. To pretend that all of it was true. That for one second in this life, there really was a happily ever after.

    How can Disney make up so many lies for young girls like myself to believe? How could they even come to comprehend how much young girls now a days take into account. When they watch something they wish to be them. They wish for it to be true and await for their turn. They wait, and wait. But it never comes. Doesn’t even knock on the door None of it is real.

    “Why must this be so hard?” I whispered huskily as more tears fell freely onto the ground.

    I embraced my body tightly. Trying to find comfort in my own arms. I felt empty. Not empty like a starving man looking for food. Empty, like a corpse without no blood. Let alone a life. I felt dead on the inside. Like nothing mattered anymore. No one on this earth mattered as long as he was in it. That retched being that is so handsome and deviously trustful for his own good. His smile so devishly innocent, his laughter so hideously light. I thought I could put all of it into him. Give him everything he asked for. Even what I treasured most in my life.

    He stole my heart with one smile. He stole my laughter with one quick movement. He stole my whole being, with just one glance. He was something created for every women to long for to look past everything else and fall deeply in love. He was created to punish hopeless romantics all around. To make us see what reality really does look like. He was reality and reality never looked so beautiful. I thought he was my present and my future. We would marry and have three children together. I could see myself with him forever even after death. I could see it all so clearly like I was living it myself at that very moment.

    I trusted in him to never hurt me. I trusted in him like a fool. He was my prince charming after all. But what was suppose to become of me now? Without him where would me heart hide? Where will it go? Who will it reach out too?

    I sobbed uncontrollably as it echoed through out my room. I tightened my fists firmly in my blanket. My bottom lip quivered as I bit down on it harshly. Trying to get it to stop. My chin trembled along with my lip as blood slowly dripped down my chin and on to my pale carpet. A stain to forever remind me of this terrible night.

    A night where all my dreams were shattered right in front of me. Where my life came to a halt. Where the world left me behind and moved on without me. Where I will forever pray, to have my perfect guy.

    “Why….”

    It wasn’t even long ago. It was recent, maybe a few minutes ago. But I longed for it to be gone from my memory forever. To never haunt my again and for me to get on with my life. To forget his name, his face, his lips and how be gently kissed my cheek softly. How it made my stomach twist and turn. He made me feel a lot of things inside of me. How when he held my hand it made warmth go through me like fire in a forest. I would feel cold when he left. When I looked him in the eyes, how I would loose myself in those milk chocolate eyes. They bore into me and I swear he could see my heart pounding rapidly against my chest. But it wasn’t even like that. He was a beautiful liar. For he convinced me.

    I awaited on my bed as I watched the ending to my favorite soap opera. How romantic it was to see them together and no matter what, they loved each other. Separated, lied to, forced to face each other and being with others. They stayed in love.

    I sighed heavily as my clock stroke 6 o’clock. I frowned slightly as I awaited to see if he would call. If I would be able to hear his voice even if it was for the last time. I felt my stomach start churning as I felt a lump form in my throat at the thought of that. I didn’t want to loose him. I wanted to keep him close. Be able to run my fingers through his hair and kiss him gently.

    I smiled warmly at nothing in my room. My mind wondering as I imagined him near me. Holding me as I fell asleep and knowing he would be there when I awoke. He would be there.

    I jumped suddenly as I heard his ring-tone loudly. I smiled happily as I answered the phone.

    “Hello?”

    He answered me back with one hello of his own. A soft angelic voice that made my mind fly as I could not help but smile. Yet, it had to come. We needed to talk. I couldn’t live with him never telling me he cared. That he loved me. I needed to hear it from his lips. I needed to hear that he never wanted to let me go and I never wanted to be apart from him. I just never knew what was coming next.

    I chocked back a sob as I recalled everything. It played in my mind like a record player that was broken. Playing it over and over again. Taunting me.

    “H-How could you?” I chocked out.

    It had been almost an hour on the phone with nothing but silence. My tears were falling as sobs threaten to come out. I held them down as best as I could. Never wanting him to hear that he was my sorrow. That he could break me so easily. With nothing but silence. He killed my heart inside me.

    There was nothing left to say. Nothing at all. It was all over as his words repeated in my head.

    “Then just friends it is…”

    It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to say that he was sorry for not calling me more, that he never told me he missed me, or loved me much. That he never gave off that feeling of needing to see me as I needed to see him. He was supposed to tell me everything was okay and that he would try harder to put his part in this relationship.

    But it was never like that. What a beautiful liar.

    I shut my eyes slowly as I leaned back on my bed. The blanket aching for it to wrap around my fragile shaking body. It covered me from head to toe as I held my favorite teddy bear in my hands. At least my blanket held me in its arms. It warmed me and comforted me. As if it was trying so hard to sooth my pain away. Yet, it never did this to me when I first fell in love. Isn’t your first love suppose to be the hardest to forget? Why can’t I breath? Why can’t I stop these cursed tears from falling? Why him?

    It was easier loving someone in my past, the loving him in my present.

    I squeezed the medium sized teddy bears closer to me as if it would squeeze me back. I looked at it lovingly. My teddy bear. The bear I received on the most loving day ever.

    “Happy Valentines Day!” he whispered softly but loud enough for me to hear.

    I felt my jaw drop as he handed me a pink and red bag with white letters written in a giant red heart. Happy Valentines Day! It was a big bag as well. With white hair sticking out and ears with red on the inside of them also sticking out. I looked up into his anxious eyes as I smiled happily as I handed him a small card. I felt guilty. I only got him a card while he gave me a big bag and a card as well as a picture with our names written across a dozen roses with hearts in the middle of every rose.

    His large chocolate brown eyes grew with excitement as I took out a folded letter. His pale cheeks turning a small tint of pink. He gave me a crooked smile as I looked up at him. He was about a foot taller then me. But I loved every minute of looking into his eyes. His dark brown hair was curly. It made me giggle. He looked like a little boy. But being two years older. He acted his age. But acted like a child at times.

    My smile grew bigger as I saw a small folded up letter. I looked at him curiously as I saw his cheeks start to turn a slight tint of pink as I took the note from the envelope. I unfolded it carefully as I saw his hand writing. It read:

    We haven’t known each other for a long time. But I have to say that I really do like you a lot. Your someone who is very special and very nice. I think I’m falling in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But right now what I’m trying to say is… will you be my girlfriend?

    I jumped up in joy and embraced him tightly. Laying my head down on his chest as I smiled brightly. I felt tears well up in my eyes but I did not let them fall. My heart was pounding quickly and hard. It was celebrating. He was so sweet and caring. A nice guy. Tall and wonderful. He was everything I’ve always wanted plus more.

    I held my bear tightly as I recalled that day. February 14, 2007, was when he asked me out. He was shy but smart. Caring but tough. He was funny yet knew when to be serious. He was my first love and I thought we would last. But we didn’t make it. We chose to take the easy way out yet it was the hardest to forget.

    All because of everything. The problems, the rumors, my sister. Everything got in between us and tore me away from his arms and him from mine.

    I sat in my computer room. Myspace opened in a window as I chatted happily with my friend. Asking question and answering them with full length detail. Going on about how our day was eventful or uneventful.

    Yet somehow, we always found a way to talk about him. His name just coming up in the conversation. Why though? Why is it right during that exact conversation his name came up? Why was it that she told me what he told her? Why didn’t he trust me? Why?

    I smiled happily as I opened the letter. The downloading sign up as it filled the bar with blue. As the letters popped opened. As I read the one sentence that sent my heart into a pit of darkness.

    I heard that he doesn’t like you anymore and wants to break up with you.

    She wrote on a message. I felt my heart stop and my breath caught in my throat. I felt tears welled up in my eyes but they wouldn’t fall. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was like hearing a gun shot but not truly believing that it was one.

    My hands shook as I typed back to her slowly and carefully. My hands pressing each letter carefully and forcefully. As it wrote lies that were never true.

    Really? Then why doesn’t he do it? To tell you the truth I don’t really like him either. Its just not working… if he won’t do it then I will…

    I went to my home page as I clicked on my first friend. It loaded slowly and quietly. It lead me to a young mans page. My favorite picture of him being his default. I looked around as I saw myself as his first as well. I saw a button next to his buddy list that read “Message me”. Almost to slowly I clicked on it as I wrote more lies for them to read.

    I don’t think we should be together anymore. It can’t work out anymore. You see I still have feelings for my last boyfriend and we need to break up.

    I felt my heart stop beating as I clicked the send button. Everything would end with a letter as well.

    Why? Why didn’t I just pretend that I never read that? Why couldn’t I just forget it and move on? I would still have him in my arms, still have his kisses in the morning, still have his arms around me. Still have his love. Why?

    I felt my tears come down even faster if possible. He was the one I first fell in love with. He was my first love and yet I lost him for being stupid and foolish. A young girl who didn’t know what to do. A stupid girl who didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone. No one at all.

    “My sister was right…”

    My sister. A beautiful young lady with potential. Beautiful face, body, everything! She was smart, funny, active, thin, and popular with the guys. She had everything they wanted plus more. She can have any guys she wants. At any time as well. As for me, I’m a little short for my age. On the chubby side and don’t have curves like her. My clothing wasn’t as cute as hers and my hair was always a mess. Plus I wore a lot of make-up. Without it people would probably get scared and run away. She has told me that I was ugly. That my clothing were crazy, that my hair was a mess, and that I needed to loose a little weight.

    She was right. When I look at myself in the mirror every day. I only see a girl. A girl who is fat, ugly and needs to hide her face from this beautiful world. I was nothing more then a dead rose surrounded by lively beautiful roses. I stood out because I am who I am and every day that passes by only reminds me of my hideous appearance. I was not destined to be in the world full of beautiful people.

    This is why he left me. This is why I’m laying here crying over the past and thinking about what my sister told me. This is why everything happens to me.

    A disaster that was destined to be alone…

    “Forever…”

    My body rocked with my sobs as they became more fierce. This is were I started and this is were it will end. This is why I said he was supposed to be different. He wasn’t supposed to hurt me. He was supposed to be different.

    Yet, he never said I love you to my face. He never told me he missed me on the phone. He never called me just to hear my voice. He never wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him. He never told me he was thinking of me just before I called. He never told me anything I wanted to hear. Nothing at all.

    But now, as I come to realize everything. I never did deserve him. He was just showing me for what I really am. Nothing. He showed me that people like me should never be treated seriously.

    I took the blankets off my body as I sat up on my bed. I looked around my room and then pulled my pillows aside. There in a small crack, was something I have hidden from the world.

    I took the small black object into my hands gently. I carefully threw my hand back as it switched up into a switch blade. I looked into the silver blade as my image reflected it.

    “I…. hate… you…”

    My hand started shaking as I held the blade above my head. Staring at those eyes that showed so much pain.

    This pain was unbearable. When I looked at his picture, when I heard his name, when I remembered all those times we had together, the songs I dedicated to him. Everything reminded me of him. My second love and my last. This is where I drew the line.

    My wedding planes gone, my future planes with him gone. Everything was gone and it was all because he was silent.

    I felt my tears fall freely from my eyes once again. Why does love do this? Why does it pretend to pay a visit then not show up at all? Why does love torment me like this? What have I done? What? I am alive and only human. Every human longs for someone to love and hold. To have until death do them part. To say ‘I do’ at the most wonderful wedding ever. Everyone wanted kids. Everyone wanted what I’ve always wanted.

    Yet love won’t let me have it.

    As silently as the wind comes on a warm day. It went away. Life as we know it slowly faded into nothing but a dark abyss. The sun was set and now went away. The light in my eyes slowly faded as I laid my head down once again on my soft pillows. My eyes shutting slowly as crimson slowly painted my sheets.

    My breathing became slower, my chest slowly coming to a stop. As my eyes grew heavy. A wave of sleep over came my very being. Yet this wave of sleep was different from the rest. Not as delightful as I expect it to be. Nothing like it at all.

    I felt all the pain slowly come to a halt. My body went numb. I felt all my strength slowly fade away. There was nothing left in a body so cold and fragile. A fragile body that was broken into pieces. Nothing left to put back together, nothing to sew back together, nothing to tape back together. Nothing left at all to repair. A job left perfectly done.

    I let my eyes close to gain access to the everlasting sleep, one much deeper then that of Snow White.

    “My Beautiful… liar.”