• tab I didn't quite know why I was so upset. It wasn't me who was going through all this crap. I guess I had come attached...A never-breaking bond had been made with Susan and I, pain she felt was pain I felt, and vice-versa. And, really, I just pitied her. I took so for granted my easy life as a child to an adult. Always being taken care of, always knowing that I'd have a bright future. But when I thought of Susan, I just felt guilty.
    tab I guess that's why I just felt like crap then. For three months, I had gone on living my nice little fairy tale. I had an amazing wife, had a decent job, and a nice, cozy little apartment.
    tab Three months, I shrugged it all off. Three months, I had just forgotten about Susan, forgot she was living in Hell.
    tab And I called her my best friend. No...myself called her best friend.

    tab It wasn't until the next day when I got yet another call from Susan. And this time, I didn't act with a simple "hello" or "what's up". If Susan was calling, this time, I made sure I was being serious.
    tab "Did you figure out anything?" A long pause. Never a good sign. Ever.
    tab "Susan? Are you there?" Suddenly, crying. I heard literally bawling on the other end.
    tab "What's going on?!" I demanded. "What happened?" I might've guessed what had happened, if I had just thought a second longer. But the very next second, Susan replied,
    tab "Jack...He's dead. My dad is dead."

    tab Could there have been any words to describe how I felt then? In reality, I should've saw the clues. Everything Susan told me ysterday...About her dad's illegal activity, money pouring in...Nothing illegal ever ends up in anything good. I should've known that. I shouldn't have been surprised when she said that.
    tab And yet, it was still a bullet to the head.
    :tab razz utting my thoughts into words proved even more difficult. How do you react to someone who just told you her father died? Maybe you'd be upset. Or sorry. But was that really enough? Did that really help or contribute in any way?
    tab So, I guess my initial reaction was just to question it. Maybe I heard something wrong. Maybe I had nothing to feel guilty about.
    tab "Dead?" I could hear her breathing hard on the other end. She was hypervenalating. I already knew the answer.
    tab "Yes. Killed by a bullet to the head." I guess thinking about what she was going through just got me angry. So that's how I reacted. Anger. Angry that she had just found a new life, just for it to be crushed. Angry that her life was just a never-ending slew of misfortune.
    tab "Why?" I hissed. "Why does this happen to you? Why do these kind of things always happen to you?"
    tab "It's how life works," she replied, almost as if she was used to these kind of things. Which I was sure she was. "I can't do anything about it."
    tab "It's not fair."
    tab "What?"
    tab "It's not fair that I get to live my pleasent life, with my wife and my nice little apartment, while it seems like you're living in a hell-hole! I can't stand it! I can't stand it anymore!"
    tab "Jack, it's ok. Really." "Ok"? How could she say that? Why was she encouraging me?
    tab "Do you know what you sound like? Like your father was still alive and well! Do you care? Do you care that he's dead?"
    tab "I can't change anything, Jack," she said softly. "I can cry. I can be sad. But in the end, my dad is still dead. And I am sorry. I do feel bad. But...I can't let it consume me." I took a couple deep breaths, and nodded my head, even though she couldn't see me.
    tab "I'm sorry...It's just...When I think about you, back at Christmas, how you had absolutely nothing...Your reputation at school, disputes with your dad, your poor conditions of life...I had to ask myself, how could you have possibly gotten brought farther down? And now you are. And that's why I'm so angry. Because I'm so helpless and spoiled as your life's been nothing but..."
    tab "Jack, stop, please," she interrupted. I did, and she went on,
    tab "Your right. My life has been pretty rough. But that doesn't mean I didn't have anything. I had you, Jack. My closest friend. Always stuck through with me, through the thick and thin." Me? Yeah, right. I felt like a complete jerk towards her.
    tab "Sure," I replied sarcastically. "And what exactly have I done?"
    tab "You did what mattered the most. You cared. You cared when no one else did. And that's something I can never forget, no matter what. And that's what keeps me going."

    tab "You did what mattered the most. You cared. You cared when no one else did." I thought about what she said on the phone. Was that really all you needed for the will to live? Just knowing that there were people out there who really cared for you, "through the thick and thin"?
    tab What made a good friend? What made a friend, period?