• During my time in High School, I was a douchebag. I know we've all done things we can regret, but honestly, I wish I could re-do High School all over again. Everyone says that, but I truly wish for an opportunity like that everyday of my life.

    I was a people-pleaser. Actually, I just wanted to fit in. At my school "fitting in" with the cool kids meant being a depraved and heartless monster. At least, that's what I recall it as being. You couldn't hang out with anyone 'they' didn't like. And they knew everyone. One little slip up and you would be branded for the rest of your days in High School. I never wanted to be alone. I never wanted to be a loser. I wanted to be cool.

    So there was this scrawny looking kid at my school. Name was Richard. He kept to himself. He was quiet. At lunch he just sat by himself eating lunch. The perfect kid for anyone to pick on. After all, what would he do?

    Generally every chance I got, or when I was around my "friends" at least, I would pick on Richard. I would knock down his books, pull down his pants in gym class or slam down his lunch tray. I even went so far as to publicly humiliating him. Every time I said something, and for every hurtful thing I did, I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. But something in the back of my head pushed me on. I guess it was the pressure of blending in with the rest of the kids, even if that meant signaling one helpless individual out.

    I tormented Richard for a few years, and then one day, I got what was coming to me. He was in love with some girl, Cindy. Now, Cindy was pretty hot. I mean, a lot of other boys at the time liked her, and she was damn well aware of that. Now I guess when your a girl, and when you know every boy is drooling over you, you're entitled to be the biggest b***h on the block, so whenever Richard tried to say hello or even talk to her, she'd scoff at him, or tell him to get lost. Poor Richard, he never gave up on her.

    So, obviously for me, this was a way to impress my friends and Cindy. I saw Richard, sitting alone, staring at Cindy. I smirked at my friends and told them to watch this. I walked over to the kid, confidence in my stride. I sat down next to him and began talking to him. He was nervous at first, and I made him laugh a few times. This caught Cindy's attention. After a while, I just yelled, "What?! Cindy isn't a whore!" I stood up, looking at him with the fakest expression of shock and terror.

    "You're an a*****e Richard!" I yelled, making sure everyone could hear me loud and clear. Cindy was looking over at my direction now, and she looked pissed off. Richard did something that only aided me. Being embarrassed and afraid as he was, he tried to tell me to settle down, or to shut up. He didn't know what to say, but I did. Everyone saw him say anything, but they sure as hell didn't hear him. "How dare you!" I screamed, and I punched Richard right in the stomach.

    I didn't expect this, but Cindy ran over and spit on the kid. "I hate you you little freak!" she said, and gave me a look I'll remember forever. Her eyes did all the talking, she thought what I did was totally hot. She wanted to ******** me. There was so much lust in her eyes I got turned on. I knew somehow that what I did didn't really make her all that turned on. It was my strength and courage, probably, to do that in front of almost everyone. Maybe she was just a whore. A whole bunch of thoughts ran around my teenage head, but then I realized what I had done, and how stupid it was. My friends were laughing there a** off, and I looked down on Richard His hands were clutched around his stomach. He was crying. Not because of the physical pain, but because of how embarrassed and ashamed he was.

    Richard opened his eyes, and gave me a look of such hate, anger, and fury, that I backed away. His eyes weren't the weak kid I saw, they were something different. Richard wanted me dead, after everything I had done, and this was the final straw for him. Expecting a fight, I clenched my fists, but Richard got up and just walked away. That was when Cindy wrapped her arm around me. "I like a strong man." she said seductively, and I gave a weak smile. Richard's look haunted me, and even in the instance where I could've had sex with the hottest girl in school, I wasn't the slightest aroused. I was petrified.

    Needless to say, I got laid that night, but that's neither here nor there. Banging Cindy took some of the pain away, but I'll never forget his eyes. That look of hate. I shivered walking home. I always thought sex would make you feel invincible. Like you could take on anything. It didn't, at least not this time. I figured it was just the guilt of everything I'd done over the years finally manifesting itself into this ball of shame and fear.

    I didn't sleep too well that night. I kept thinking about the kid.I couldn't go to sleep with that feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach. And I did all this s**t to fit in with some people I probably wouldn't stay in contact with after I got out of high school. Luckily, I got to sleep that night.

    I had a bad dream that night. In that dream, I was having sex with Cindy, again. Right when I was near climax, she punched me in the stomach. I fell off her bed, naked and confused. She got up and spit on me. "I hate you you little freak!" she growled, her face in a frenzy. As I looked around, confused, I saw Richard walk next to her. He looked down at me, and just started to laugh. "You little p***k." he smirked at me.

    That's when I woke up. I honestly thought all of this was wearing down on me, so I thought really nothing of it. But when I went to the bathroom to take my routine piss, I noticed a giant bruise on my stomach. Right where Cindy punched me in the dream. That's when I began to freak out. I couldn't provide any explanation, I couldn't even lie to myself.

    No matter how afraid I was, I went to school the next morning. It was lunch, and I was hanging with my friends. They were still talking about yesterday, and I was still thinking about my dream. I saw Cindy, and she winked at me. I smiled a little bit, but then I saw Richard. He didn't have that anger or hate look he had yesterday, but this time it was a look of satisfaction. The same look he had in my dream. That's when he started to laugh, and when I began to freak out. I told my friends I had to go and I ran to the bathroom.

    In there, I began to breathe heavily. I was so scared, and I didn't know why. Richard was a scrawny little b***h. He couldn't do anything to me, right? I once again felt that sinking feeling in my stomach. I was so ashamed for what I did to this kid. It built up inside me, and I started to cry. I still don't know if it was out of shame or fear, but nevertheless, I wept.

    I was kind of detached from everyone the rest of the day, so nothing notable happened until I got home. Cindy was texting me, I guess she had grown fond of me over what I thought was a one night stand. I told her I wasn't feeling too good so I'd hang out with her later. She replied with a flirtatious little sad face and a get better soon, followed by a heart. I smiled and set the phone down and got into my bed. I kept thinking about Richard, which was starting to annoy me. I didn't want to think about him, but dammit, he was always on my mind.

    When I drifted to sleep, I had another dream. In this one, I was sitting in the same area as Richard used to sit. I was staring at Cindy, and then I saw Richard coming over. He sat down and started talking to me. It was a strange sensation, but once again I felt the sinking feeling in my stomach. Richard looked down at my stomach, and once again did that terrifying laugh he did earlier. He reached out and pulled a sharp kitchen knife. I was terrified, but I couldn't move.

    He stuck the knife deep into my stomach, and began to slice and slice. I just looked down in the dream and watched various entrails from my body topple to the floor. I woke up in a sweat, and my stomach hurt like hell. I honestly expected to wake up to my blood spilling on the floor, but I felt really bloated.

    I ran to the bathroom and threw up. When it subsided, I opened my eyes to find blood had filled the toilet. Shocked, I closed the lid and stood up quickly. I decided to call my doctor. I told him I was feeling bloated, my stomach hurt, and I was coughing up blood. My doctor was an idiot, apparently, because he scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. I was frustrated and slammed the phone on the floor.

    I tried to ignore the pain and went to school, where I was extremely tired most of the day. At lunch, I didn't eat, which was a rarity for me. I saw Richard again, and he was smirking again. He stared at me with such amusement it actually scared me. Seeing him change these past few days deeply effected me. I didn't want to be near him anymore. I got up and went back to the bathroom. I threw up there again, and it was more blood. I started to grow a hate for Richard. I know he did this to me. Somehow, he made me like this.

    I left early that day, my friends were concerned but I told them I was just feeling sick lately. They told me to get better soon, they said I hadn't been myself lately. When I got home, I found blood in my stool, and only had a few snacks to eat that day. The vomiting continued.

    That night, I had my final dream. I was crying in a doctors office, and my doctor was laughing at me. As I lifted my head up, I saw the doctor was Richard. He looked at me with cold dead eyes and simply said, "You'll know what it's like to feel years of pain." That was all he said, and I woke up.

    I went to the doctor that morning, and I gave him the symptoms. The doctor was a taken back a bit. "Let me do some tests." he said to me, and of course, I obliged. I had an X-Ray of my stomach taken, and after a while of my doctor examining some things, he called me into his office. That's when he told me I had Stomach Cancer. He said he was "dumbfounded" as to what the cause could be. I was deeply afraid for my life at this point, but my fear turned to rage. "It was Richard." I said, my eyes filled with hate. My doctor was confused, but I persisted. Of course, he just said I was too shocked by the news and wasn't thinking straight, so I left his office. He wouldn't listen to me.

    The next few years of high school were difficult. I missed school a lot due to my illness, but my "friends" wanted to pursue other things besides caring for a sick friend, like marijuana and beer. Cindy got bored, and who wanted to ******** a guy with cancer anyway, right? The few days I went to school, I was usually alone. I would sit by myself at Lunch, walk by myself in the hall. I wasn't the cool kid anymore, I was "that kid." Richard, was still a loner though. He was much better off then me, I could see him laugh at me everyday in the hall, and I was too weak to scream or hit him, because I knew he did this, by some means. But that sinking feeling in my stomach? It went away, mostly because half of my abdomen was gone.