• Once there was a girl named Klepto Maneack. She had a stealing problem, and had acquired many things through her “hobby”(ahem). She really liked cows, so she had a lot of stuff to do with it. Her room had cow walls, she had a stuffed cow that went “moo” when she touched it, and she often used it to go to sleep. She had carpet with cartoon cow heads on it, and the soda fountain… well, we won’t get into that. The point is she loved cows. She had everything cow…. but she wanted more. So one night, when it was pitch black, she snuck out to a farmer’s pasture of cows. She did this every night, and pretty soon she had a good herd. She went out to the pasture and stayed there all day, talking to her cows. And, oddly enough, they answered her. Cows don’t have anything to steal, and Klepto treated them better than the farmer did, and promised that she wouldn’t kill them after they got old and useless. So, they decided, why shouldn’t they talk to her? Then one day, The police discovered Klepto and arrested her. Realizing nobody else was going to help her, the cows decided to take matters into their own hands.
    Klepto sat pensively in her jail cell, thinking about her cows in the pasture and wondering who would take care of them. The jail doors rattled open. Klepto looked eagerly to steal the keys, but noted with dismay that he had left them outside the door. “Lunch time, Miss Maneack!” He called cheerfully, giving her a lunch of milk, yogurt, and other cow related items of food.
    She looked at it in scorn. “I like the cows for who they are, not for what they do,” she haughtily told him. “Those things disgust me.”
    The man looked confused. “Then what would ya like miss?” he asked.
    “a spiced ham sandwich, chips, and a can of soda, please,” She said, then added, “Thinly sliced on the bread and ham, of course.”
    The man shrugged and walked away, bringing back her lunch as she specified. As she munched and crunched on the yummy lunch, she decided she wanted an apple, and yelled for the man. As an answer, she got moos. Getting excited, she screamed, “Is that you, Cowetta?”
    “We’re coming for yoooooooooooooouuuuu! moo! It’s truuuuuuue!” came the muffled response. After yelling a few more times, the cows found her and busted her out. Now that she was out, she decided she needed a new name. So, she changed it to Karen Brown. And she got rich after suing a milk company. The end. Seriously.