• The room spun, with no control, no power did I have. No power even over my own actions, over my limbs, over my mind. Nothing could be controlled, it's all controlled by him. Though they were my dreams, I don't control them, it was my mind, with his control. What a scary thing to think of, having a mind but having someone else control it--It's worse then not having a mind at all. Your mind just plays in front of you, like your a puppet and someone's pulling your strings.... well in that dream, that is exactly what I was- a puppet- connected with strings on my hand, legs, and head. I could feel them being tied around my limbs, feeling them moving inside my veins as he pulled at them.

    The room stopped spinning, and I just hung there... in mid-air, feeling the strings hold me up, tugging at my limbs, threatening to break at any moment if I dare tried to move on my own. If they did break, I would fall. Fall into the darkness, no floor, only the black emptiness of what used to be my mind. I know this because I've tried to escape before, many times, and I did..... only to fall, never land on anything, only to have the nightmare end when I awoke. Sometimes, it took seconds, sometimes hours where I would wait for his voice to laugh and tell me how foolish I was, wait for terrible images to appear infront of me, for terrible ideas to just pop into my head.

    The reason I thought it was a he was because of the voice. But later I decided that I didn't know what it was that was controlling my brain, I couldn't call it a he, a she, an it, or anything else only because I couldn't think on my own. For the sake of less-confusion let's simply call it a he for the moment.

    He took over my entire brain eventually, I lost all control over my mind, in slumber---and in consciousness. When you’re consciousness brain is telling you to shutup and listen, or when your limbs begin to move by themselves, when all you want to do is sit still, it’s time to confront someone who will help. No I’m not talking about a shrink, or any doctor. I’m talking about the crazy lady who always passes out flyers saying Beware the Mind Keeper. I might sound crazy, but that was the only place I could think of, she seemes like she could help…. The only thing is… my mind wouldn’t let me go. So, I guess I was on my own…. There were times during the day… they only lasted a few minutes though…. Where I would gain some control over my mind again, that’s when I would try and figure things out. During those times I would pull out my laptop immediately and google what ever I could, email anyone who might be able to help me…. But the thing is…. This time that I would get my mind back to my self, was during passing periods and sometimes lunch…. That didn’t give me much time, but I would take it, going to the bathroom and usually being late to my classes. It also left me with no friends and no social life.

    I used to be loved, used to have a lot of friends, go to parties, had good grades, had a cute boyfriend, and now… all down the drain. My hair has gotten frail, my eyes blue with exhaustion, and I had huge bags from lack of a goodnight’s sleep. So, with that all being said, I guess you can say that my life took a downfall after I lost my mind… but then again, who’s life wouldn’t?