• Chapter Five


    All the way down the hall, the stairs, back to my rooms, neither of us said a word. I was glad. I was a basket case. I knew that if Viktor said just one word, any word, I would either burst into tears or blow up in his face. The latter I wouldn’t have cared about; it was the first possibility I was afraid of. Never would I cry in front of him.

    But he didn’t say anything, not to me, not to himself, not to anyone else. He just led me back to my rooms.

    There were other kids in the halls, but it was like they were shadows, ghosts, practically invisible, non-existent. I couldn’t look at them, couldn’t talk to them, couldn’t even raise my head to acknowledge their presence. I was numb. All I saw were Viktor’s shoes alternating in long, even strides. Right, left, right, left.

    Suddenly, his shoes stopped for a second, then they stepped aside. I looked up for the first time since leaving Claire’s new room. Viktor was holding the door for me. His face held no sympathy or pitying sadness like anyone else’s might. Only kindness, and that underlying look of fatherly feeling that was always there.

    I looked away, feeling tears burning the backs of my eyelids and just feeling too spent to kindle hateful thoughts of him.

    I walked to the window and just stood there, for I don’t know how long. I didn’t know where Viktor was off to or what he was doing, and I didn’t particularly care. Feeling cold and shivery, I absently slipped on a green hoodie and stared out at a melting icicle hanging off the outside of the window, crossing my arms over my belly and grasping my sides. With every drip, the icicle got smaller and smaller, until it would disappear altogether. Then it would never come back; never the same icicle in the same spot.

    Was that what was happening to our friendship? Would the heat just get to be too much, until our icicle melted into nothing?

    Before I knew it, Viktor was back, quietly announcing that lunch was ready. I didn’t move from my spot at the window. It wasn’t until now that I became aware of the tears sliding silently down my cheeks. I didn’t even hear Viktor’s steps until he was wrapping his strong, warm arms around me.

    It was then that I truly broke down, and the tears flowed even more strongly down my face, little waterfalls flowing over the soft hills of my skin. I fought him at first, tried to pull away and shove him, ashamed of my weakness, but he refused to let go. Finally I gave in and buried my face in his hard chest, my whole body shuddering. He didn’t tell me it was okay, like other people do. He didn’t say anything at all; he just held me until I calmed down enough to regain any feeling and sense.

    When I finally pulled away, I wiped my wet cheeks with my sleeve and said shakily, “Well, at least I know she’s okay…”

    Viktor looked at me warmly and squeezed my shoulder lightly and reassuringly. “She’ll come around soon. No one can stay mad at you for long,” he replied in a quiet, sure voice, and pulled himself up. He’d been on his knees in order to get down to my eye level.

    I was about to fire back with something along the lines of ‘you don’t know me or my friends,' but I felt too tired to launch into an argument right now. Instead, I swiped a sleeve over my eyes again and turned away. As I did, the clock hanging above the kitchen doorway caught my eye, and I gasped. “It’s almost noon!” I exclaimed as I flew to the dresser and frantically rummaged through the drawer for my brush. After yanking the elastic out of my hair, quickly running the brush through, and pulling it back up into a long, neat ponytail, I redid my make-up, making it look the best I could in two minutes, tops. Then I darted around the room in a frenzy, searching for my purse that suddenly seemed to disappear into thin air at the worst time.

    Through all this, Viktor stood in the middle of the room, watching me with raised eyebrows.

    “Uuugh, where’s my purse?” I yelled out, frustrated, to no one in particular.

    “Miss...?”

    I whipped around to see Viktor pointing at my purse, which was hanging on the post of the bunk bed, where it usually was if it wasn’t sitting on the chair by the door. Running back to grab the purse, I was so deeply focused on holding myself together that I hardly remembered Viktor needed to come with me everywhere I went, completely forgot about the lunch he’d made, and I probably slammed the door in his face as I fled the room. By the time I reached the bottom of the three flights of stairs, though, he was jogging easily behind me.

    I still couldn’t help but dwell on the Claire issue, and I continued to fight back tears, but when I burst out the front doors, I saw him. Even from a distance, I could see the warm glow to his chocolate-brown eyes and the heart-stopping half-smile on his lips. Instantly, I knew I could forget my troubles. Call me hopeless, but I knew for a fact that as long as I had Noah, everything would be okay. He could make my black world brighter.

    I felt my face break out in a grin as I walked toward him. After the painful ordeal of the morning, smiling felt good.

    “Good afternoon, beautiful,” he held out his arm in a formal gesture, his eyes dancing merrily, when I approached. Before I could say anything back, Noah caught sight of Viktor and looked back at me questioningly. “He’s with you?”

    Almost forgetting Viktor was even there, I glanced behind me. Viktor was making no effort to hide the fact that he was shadowing me, even though he stood at a respectful distance. I remembered to be annoyed with my hired stalker again as I turned my back on him and nodded. “Long story.” In reality, I just didn’t want to go over it again.

    Noah looked back over the top of my head at Viktor and frowned. But then his standard expression was back so quickly, I almost wasn’t sure I had really seen it. I’d never seen him frown before, in the whole three days I’d known him.

    In the few seconds I’d been lost in my thoughts – daydreams? – Noah had bent down so his lips were a scant few centimeters from my ear. “I was going to take you somewhere special,” he whispered. I could feel his warm breath on my ear and smell his cologne. I suppressed a shiver. “Can’t you shake him?”

    I shook my head and whispered back, “I really wish I could, but I don’t think so.”

    He pulled back enough to look into my eyes. I loved his eyes. They were always smiling. They were like two swirling cups of hot chocolate, always welcome all year round. “That’s too bad,” he murmured, and straightened up. “Think someday you could tell me why he’s got to be here?” He held out his arm again, and I looped my arm through, my heart thumping wildly.

    I had it bad for this guy.

    Did he have it just as bad for me?

    “Maybe someday,” I answered with a grin.

    We followed a path into the trees, arm in arm. I was sure Viktor was following, but I didn’t turn to look. Neither did Noah, even though he had seemed disappointed that first second he noticed him. I didn’t blame him. How lame was it that we needed a chaperone on our first date?

    At that thought, I felt myself tense and I swear my heart skipped a beat. Is that really what this is? I wondered. A date?

    Noah must have felt my sudden change in tension, because he looked down at me – he was at least a head taller – and asked, “You all right?”

    I looked up into his beautiful shining eyes.

    Of course it’s a date. What else would it be, silly?

    “Yeah,” I assured him with a smile.

    My first one.

    We walked in silence through the trees along the twisting narrow path, enjoying the surroundings and each other’s company.

    And there’s no one else I’d rather be on it with.

    The light breeze swished through the leaves above our heads, the birds twittered on the branches, the sun left shifting, dappled patterns on the earth beneath out feet, and little critters could be heard rustling through the bushes on either side.

    I took a deep, contented breath, amazed at how comfortable I’d grown with Noah already.

    Suddenly Noah came to a stop. We were in a small clearing that glowed in the afternoon sunlight. All traces of snow were gone, melted in the spring heat. He looked down into my eyes, smiling, holding me close to his chest. “Nothing but extraordinary,” he whispered, and tucked a loose strand of black hair behind my ear, repeating that first morning we had met. Had it really been only a few days ago? It seemed like I’d known him so much longer than that.

    He tipped his head until his forehead just barely touched mine. I closed my eyes, once again fully aware of his touch, breathing in his scent, and pushing down an excited quiver that was determined to make its way up my spine.

    I thought he was going to kiss me right then, but I only felt him cup my face in his hands and brush my temple with his thumb before feeling him pull away.

    I opened my eyes, feeling scrambled from his small show of affection.

    Before I could make my voice work, he took my hand and we continued along the path. After several minutes of pleasurable silence, I was able to start up a conversation. We talked about harmless things for quite a while, learning about each other. I learned that he liked to play sports, soccer most of all, and that he made mean spaghetti but preferred lasagna. He had plenty of friends, but only a few intimate ones. Most of his days were spent at the gate, guarding. My most favourite one of all – though it did make me feel a little bad – was that he had traded his afternoon shift for a night shift just so he could be with me.

    I’d told him I didn’t have all that many friends – met with surprise, doubt, and disbelief on his part – because I was too shy to get too close to too many people. Truthfully, I hadn’t wanted my plans blown around like leaves in the wind for everyone to see – but I couldn’t tell him that. I guess it was partly shyness as well. Anyway, he found out that I was absolutely in love with mushrooms, that Claire’s favourite meal of all was macaroni and cheese (not from the box), that I was rather reckless, and that, sometimes, I thought of myself as selfish.

    After another moment of silence, I asked him, “Where does that road go? You know, the one that goes through the gate.”

    It was intended to be a harmless question, asked in an idle moment, but all of a sudden, his voice turned hard, tense. I looked up at his face and immediately had to turn away. His eyes had taken on a cold, steely look. His mouth was pressed into a thin, closed off line. I knew right away I had said something I shouldn’t have. “I’m not authorized to give out that information,” he intoned, in a voice cold and angry. He was a completely different person from the one with the approachable attitude and quick laugh. A completely different person from the one I’d been talking to just a few minutes ago. The way he said it sounded like he’d rehearsed it or said it before. The wording didn’t sound like him. Then again, neither did anything about him, anymore. “You are not to ask me again. Understand?”

    I looked up at him, bewilderment and fear making my brain confused and my heart beat wildly, but in an entirely different way than before. Speechless, I nodded and looked away, off into the trees. “I’m sorry,” I managed, my voice hardly above a whisper.

    He gently took my chin in his hand and turned my face to meet his, and then I was staring into the eyes I knew. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have flipped out at you.” He took both my hands in his and rubbed the backs of them with his thumbs. “Just don’t ask again, okay?”

    Swallowing, I nodded. In the second he turned away, I flicked my gaze back to Viktor, who had been sauntering along behind us the whole time. I thought I saw a flicker of anger, and maybe pain, but I turned away again before I was sure.

    We kept on our journey through the forests and across the damp, grassy meadows until it started to get dark, and Noah escorted me back to the building. By that time, I’d decided to forget that moment of fear he’d given me in the trees; I’d just hit a nerve, that’s all. I didn’t know what nerve that was, and I wasn’t about to ask, but I decided to drop it. Through the few hours after that awkward moment that came after a disagreement, we’d talked, laughed, teased, and overall flirted with each other, and that part of him that had caught me completely off guard never showed itself again. So I’d learned to keep away from that tender subject if he didn’t want to talk about it.

    Now we stopped and stood by the entrance, the light from the lobby shining through the door’s windows and lengthening our shadows into tall, lanky figures. The shadows stood a few feet apart, with hands joined between them.

    I struggled to find something to say that wasn’t too cheesy. Failing, all I said was, “I’ll see you later?”

    He nodded, his half-smile in place, his hot-chocolate eyes soft.

    Quickly, before I could harbor second thoughts, I stepped closer and stood on tip-toes to place a small, quick kiss on his cheek. But he turned his head enough that the corner of my mouth caught his, and I froze. His lips were parted just a hair, and I could feel his breath whispering softly along my skin; soft, tender fingers of warmth curling and hugging the contours of my lips and cheek. I didn’t remember either of us turning our heads, but then his lips were pressed on mine, soft and warm, and he had his arms around me, holding me close.

    When we parted, there was a moment of awkward silence, neither of us sure what to do, until he spoke. “You should go back up to your room,” he whispered.

    “Yeah, I guess I should,” I whispered back. But we didn’t move.

    “You’ll be late for your curfew,” he murmured with a smile.

    I hated to leave him and go back to my small room of loneliness and pain, watching icicles melt with with Viktor, but I knew Noah was right, and I nodded resignedly. “I’ll see you soon.”

    “I’ll be waiting.”

    When I reluctantly pulled away and pushed through the big double doors, Viktor was the farthest thing from my mind. I was happy and satisfied, and I’d all but forgotten about the older man until he fell into step beside me. I yelped and jumped about a foot in the air, adrenaline shooting through my veins at record speed. “Oh, jeez!” I breathed, a hand clutched to my chest as I gulped for air. I could feel my frantic, fast-paced heartbeat through my sweater.

    Viktor gave a low laugh, and my cheeks burned.

    “Don’t do that!”

    “Do what?”

    “Sneak up on me like that!”

    “I was standing here the whole time. You walked right by me.”

    “Oh… Were you standing out there watching… everything?”

    “No, I walked around the building and came in the side door to wait for you.”

    “Oh.” Silence. “Good.”