"It"

• Artist: Gallifreyan Storm
• Description: It stalks you, wherever you are.
  Please rate, comment, tell me what to revise.
  Thanks.
• Date: 01/29/2012
• Tags: think stalks dark night soul

Every step I take, Every time I get up, I feel it's eyes on me. It is always there, hiding in the shadows. Whenever it finds someone that seems lonely, it latches on, it won't let go until the soul of that person is gone. It leaves them as a wreck, it's always there, weather we realize in time or not, it will get you. It will eat at you until you are just a shell. Nothing more, nothing less. Watch your step, don't let it get to you, or else.

Comments

[Idea Glee]

3/5

[kai_theprincess]

4/5 stars. Great story, great grammar and punctuation. The only thing I can suggest is to break up those "run-on" sentences into shorter ones.

Ex:
"It leaves them as a wreck, it's always there, whether we realize it in time or not, it will get you."
Could be changed into...
"It leaves them as a wreck. It's always there, whether we realize it in time or not. It will get you."

So the sentence doesn't seem to go on and on, just break it up into fragments to it seems more well put together.