• The world doesn't see the greiving family and friends of a man who just died. They just keep going on acting as though theres no suffering and the urge to say 'stop people... STOP... STOP cant you see this man just died... a friends family lover... a good man just died... my worlds ending stop... STOP... please... everyone just stop....'. I thought about that sentence as it was told to me by the mans step father at the funeral today. I didn't know the man personally but from what I heard he was a great man and his family loved him.
    The man died at age 53, the same age as my father... from a heart attack is what I heard but I may have my facts wrong. But the realization, the fact that that might actually happen to my father actually scares me... or to my grandfather or anyone in my family. Tears stream down my face and I don't know why... my heart hurts thinking about what my happen if that does happen and I realize that I would go burserk...
    I know stop and sit there and think curled up into a tiny ball tears streaming down my face as I realize that its possible. I figured out that my brain and body would just shut down and I would say those lines "stop world... Stop... please... Everyone just stop...." but I know no one would... and I would learn to continue after suffering several days maybe even months... I would learn to gather myself... but it wouldn't be easy.
    I thank that family for inviting my mom to their fathers and husbands funeral. Cause that realization hit me and I've learned I need to spend every moment I have with my family and friends... The youngest daughter is two years older than I and she lost her father at the same age as mine is now... I can almost feel her pain and almost knew what suffering she was going through... it hurts... and I know this... I've been to three funerals in the last year and none of which are for people that I honeslty knew well or knew at all. But I hope and pray that they go to heaven and when my family dies they join those that have lost their lives and go to heaven as well and that one day I'll join them....
    "Pray the to god..." is a line I know... and do now.... I hope this journal tells you something... life can be shortened and god can take it away when at the least expected... so live your life... and spend time with those who are dearest to you... and give thanks that you're alive now...