• Sunday, June 21 11:12 AM

    He comes back today.. I thought happily. I had dozed off the other night, with a simply wonderful dream. We went to the park with the rest of the class and we were partners. The teacher chose so anyways. Every one looked at us, but we smiled merrily. But, it skipped and skipped until the trip was over. His arms were around my neck as he hugged me. I held his hands so that I knew I was safe. For this other boy, whom I know likes me too, approached in my dream. He smiled grimly and I just smiled happily as I was with Patrick. Then, I woke up, smiling. Which comes to this point. I ate oatmeal, gazing at the wall with no expression. The T.V was on, but I was so spaced out, I didn't watch. I finished, turned off the T.V, put my bowl in the kitchen and ran to the computer. I tapped my foot anxiously. Not nervously, but anxiously. People think there is no difference between the two, but there is a wide margin. Anxious, is waiting for something to happen, and your afraid. Nervousness, however.. Its definition can range. Usually, you are excited. And so you become nervous and think of the wildest thoughts imaginable. So I was anxious. As the screen went onto welcome, I hit it, and it changed to my desktop. "Come one dammit..!" I said impatiently. I waited one minute, and opened MSN immediately. As I hoped, Patrick was on. My hand moved on its on, for I wanted to talk to him, however I really didn't. What if he didn't get the message? What if he ignores it? I fretted. Now I was nervous. The conversation window opened up. But.. he messaged me before I could even type the word, 'hi'.
    Patrick: oh hai dere.
    Me: hiya
    Patrick: miss me? course you did (;
    Me: haha no... i don't miss you.
    Patrick: really? not something youd expect from few days break up ey?
    Me: its not that. i just REALLY missed you.
    Patrick: oh even better lol (:
    Me: no it isnt. i do want to be your second patrick.
    Patrick: lolwut?
    Me: please. be serious for a sec. i do still love you patrick. or so i think. but im trusting my gut with this. because my heart is telling me so too.
    Patrick: ..... i think we should just be friends
    Me: but i just told you how i feel D:
    Patrick: and so did i. really. sorry. it just must of been a strong relationship.

    I minimized it for a second. I was crying. It was so shallow how it started and how it ended. But I knew I still loved him. So I re opened it as it blinked orange.

    Patrick: ello??
    Me: im still ere...
    Me: here**
    Patrick: ok good i thought i made you cry for a second
    Me: you did. even though i promised myself i would never cry over a boy, here i am crying. over you. thats how much i love you.
    Patrick: i promised myself i would never be sad over a girl. here i am being sad over you. thats how much i care.
    Me: if you cared so much why?
    Patrick: because i dont want rumors.
    Me: fine. now i know the truth
    Patrick: lolwut?
    Me: becuz of rumors? rlly?! do you knwo how f___ing shallow that is? i dont give a damn about them i give a damn about us because your you
    Patrick: but i do love you.
    Me: no you dont. those are feelings that arent real. artificial. fake. because your worried about some stupid rumor while im worried about us. how is that fair? im pulling all the weight in this relationship too!
    Patrick: anjelica...
    Me: i dont give a f___ about your name either. i dont give anything to anyone but us. and not only that but you made me think that you were faithful. guess what? yur not.
    Patrick: i am. its just stephanie..
    Me: THERE IT IS AGAIN. holy crap do you not get it? i told you the three most strongest words ive ever told someone in my life. other then family. you were first. and you took advantage of it. screw you. go to heaven but dont be a favorite.

    I clicked the block button, and he sent an offline message.
    Patrick: really now? f___. bulls___. i do love you. alot. but im afraid of what love is.
    I unblocked him to reply.
    Me: im afraid too. that hasnt stopped me. because love will overcome all one day. and patrick, your name may be weird, but i love its uniqueness. you may think your fat, but to hell with that that makes you you. and your family? dont give a damn because i still love you. cant accept the fact that your afraid of some stupid rumor. i cant accept your artificial love when i know i deserve more now.

    I blocked again, crying alot. No one was home, so I let my heart out. I hated him. Hated him for what he had done. But would I hate him, if I still love him? I didn't talk to him. Until September, and school, came rolling along.