• People may see that I grow up on a well-respected family, well mannered, living a good life, generous, great, and someone who can be trusted. Well let us say that might be partially true but as what I can see is different. I don't see my family as well mannered my dad isn't my mom she is but I don't know. I don't think it's a well-respected family because my family doesn't give me respect, doesn't give a damn about the good things I do they only see the bad things I do. Living a good life is not even part of it. I'm not even living a good life all I do is to cry. I can't even watch make up tutorial on youtube because my dad says its not good, even drawing they never support me on what I draw that made go into deep depression and stop on drawing for 4 years. I bought my art materials by selling them to my best friends classmates. My best friend could buy me drawing materials than my parents. Every time I look at the mirror my mom would say bueaty is vain, nothing good you will get from beauty by looking at the mirror. The heck I am just looking at the mirror to get rid of my eyeliner and whenever I wash my face she will say things again. I love cosplay and I save my allowance on my cosplays and when I order my dad would scold me again and would even say a lot of things to me again that I'm buying stupid stuffs. The last time I posted a video of me dancing my parents were bursting and keep on saying to delete it. I am not dancing naked why are you saying that I should delete it? I am not even sexy. Its like every move I make I am getting scold at. My dad even got mad at me because I told my sister that her 100$ was on my dads hands. The hell I am telling my sister the truth and I just get yelled at and be mad at. I don't think that these parents I have are great people to me. They maybe to other people but towards me? I don't think so. Every time they say bad words at me my heart hurts a lot and sometimes I just want to stab myself with knife. I hit my head with my fist sometimes to forget the pain i feel on my chest. Its like taking my breath away. I couldn't do anything about it. Sometimes I envy those people they help because they care more than I... Just because I am stupid just because I am not smart like my sister and brother just because I can do something else... I don't deserve to be treated differently... And what I do whenever they make me cry under those pillows each night? I cry till I fall asleep.