My Loneliness

• Artist: Im Like Heroin
• Description: Holy jeebus, this one actually rhymes o_O
  
  Enjoy. :3
• Date: 07/20/2008
• Tags:

I feel so alone now,
And I can't see how
I'm here and there,
Yet you still care.

How am I worthy of
All of this love?
For I did nothing,
And I amount to nothing.

So I'll just lie here,
And not shed a tear;
My soul washing away like a flood,
Lying in my pool of blood.

Comments

[HeroesOfHeart]

that was wonderful no matter what anybody else says. and dont force yourself to rhyme. if it doesn't then it doesnt'.

[onionio]

I think your biggest problem is rhythm. If you want it to flow better, count syllables in each line. That usually seems works, though some poems, especially lyrics, don't lose literary value due lack of rhythm. Other than that i think you have great potential, so please keep trying.

[PeachPride21]

Well i don't give a s**t what everyone else said, i liked it

[reapersuns manfriend]

Feels alittle forced.
Perhaps rhyming isn't your best. Still, I beg you to practice.

[Rozoko]

It has structure and rhyme... but... it lacks real sense and purpose to the poem... it's clear the point is that it's about someone who thinks they are unworthy of another's love, but the flow is just way off... sorry, but I gotta give this a 1...

[Rainbow And A Smile]

Honestly, I don't like it very much. It rhymes and it has the structure, but it lacks flow and sense. Sorry.

[small kid_21054]

This is very depressing but it is good