Twice the fool

• Artist: Lemongirl77
• Description: a poem I wrote. Enjoy.
• Date: 01/22/2009
• Tags: twice fool

The pain is overwhelming
And I fear I cannot go on
This life, which I once loved,
Is taking far too long

If I were healed and whole
Maybe I would give it a chance
But now I have a gaping hole
Where there used to be a heart

Oh sure, it's still there
Beating under the strain
But it is my soul I miss
You made me a love-sick slave

I did everything you asked
I tried to be perfect for you
The trouble with perfect people
Is that there's always at least two

You didn't have the decency
To tell me to my face
And now, because of you,
I have come to hate this place

I have loved you before
You let me down then too
But to go back to your arms
I am twice the unwise fool

But I must not sound too bitter
I guess it ain't that bad
You're happy, that's all I want
Even if it makes me sad.

Comments

[Neko Minamino]

Pretty good. The subject and poem is okay, but the wording could use some work. Some lines don't plainly sound good, but what's really the problem is that many of the lines interfere with the overall rhythym. You should go over it and fix some of them, then read it aloud.