Fire and Ice

• Artist: stopnoohmygodwhy
• Description: Just a little something I wrote up in homeroom, and was amazed when I actually took a minute to look at it. I have no idea where the inspiration came from, but I love to hear people's opinions on it.
• Date: 05/25/2010
• Tags: fire love

Our lips pressed against each others, his like fire compared to my icy lips. Like ice should, I seemed to melt. My worries were carried away by my tears, that fell carelessly off my face. I fell into his warm hands, my eyes still closed, but I could still imagine his deep, comforting blue eyes. His face held a soft smile. Our lips met once more, and then I fell into my eternal sleep, tears still falling, with no resistance. My soul would forever rest with the last feeling I ever had on Earth, love. And now, I will watch over him, and heal him. I will be his Guardian, and when destiny brings him to his fate, I will be there, waiting. But that time, I will be the one to warm him, as I will be filled with the feeling I had lacked, hope.

Comments

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

This was amazing until the conclusion. After "My soul would forever..." I didn't see a transition so it was abrupt. You should have made it into its own little paragraph or have inserted a little transition sentence. Also, what will happen is unclear. Does it have anything to do with fire and ice? Is someone dead? Is someone moving away? You did well at the beginning but rethinking the end and trying it back to fire and ice would give this a five. For now, it's a 3.