Untitled

• Artist: xXhopeless_romantic14xX
• Description: This is poem 2 it's another one that my teacher got us to write this time she provied us with the first two words in every sentence which i will mark the words she gave us in red to show you.your comments and voting would be very helpful to me.again like all my poems this is 100% me.
• Date: 10/04/2010
• Tags: untitled

i am alone and hurt
I wonder why this happened to me
i hear myself screaming in my head for help i don't want
I see him day after day
i want for it to have never happened
I am alone and hurt
i pretend i'm happy and smiling
I feel hopeless and numb
i touch the childhood i should've had, not the one i got
I worry that I won't be able to get over this
i cry for what he did to me
I am alone and hurt
i understand i should tell my mother,my brother or anyone but i won't
I say I'm okay when I'm not
i dream about a day when i can forget and be happy again
I try to trust my boyfriend when he did nothing wrong I can't though because of the person who hurt me first
i hope to be happy like i was before
I am alone and hurt.

Comments

[xXhopeless_romantic14xX]

thank you for the suggestion

[Yutora]

Second sentence; 'I wonder why this happen to me', I would change happen to 'happened'. Also; 'I touch the childhood i should've had not the one i got', it would be better if you but a comma in-between the 'not' and 'the', like this: I touch the childhood I should've had, not the one I got. You should put some commas in other places too. Either way, this was pretty nice. 4/5.

[Alpha-Wolf-Madyrn]

very original smile 5/5