• Could have or should have or might have or would have,
    Maybe and perhaps and sometime later, if at all;
    I make these excuses to me and to you,
    Hoping somehow to shift the wall
    That’s built itself between us two
    (A blank stone face for me,
    A solid barrier for you).

    I would write you a letter if I thought you’d read it,
    But the present is fleeting and who knows if you’d see it;
    I’d wager my two front teeth you’ll not find it,
    Words buried alive in my piecemeal mind.
    What a thing to say, but without you I’m not sane,
    In my head all the synapses are crying your name
    And I’m dying slowly of feelings I can’t tame.

    My heartbeat’s stuttering, my eyes roll back,
    Pull the plug, call the doctor, fade the camera to black
    The truth is, I’m sorry and I can’t say it enough;
    I’ve got hope flatlining and feelings in handcuffs.
    In my head is a grid of mean city streets,
    Thought police patrolling the anxiety beat

    I’m wide awake dying slowly,
    Crumbling pieces from a fractured whole.
    In this limbo I lay me down to dream,
    For Death and Sleep are kin, it seems.
    I stand on the dock and hail the ferry,
    soon I’ll be gone and you can make merry.

    but speak if you do not will it this way
    just say the word; for you I’ll stay
    or if you’d rather not say
    then hold your peace
    and send me away.