• Sitting there, the odd feeling seemingly pours out. Not understanding what it is, or how it's felt, it simply fades into the shades of gray. Is it love? Is it hurt? How does one know what it feels like. All that's known is a simple pain, a small feeling of being torn when you go away... Its as if something sharp is cutting into my heart and leaving a hole, that's again and again made anew every time you leave or go. It hurts sometimes, and others, I can hardly tell. It's a rather confusing feeling, a mix of emotions rather, all stuck behind a wall of gray, scared to let even a little color show. It mixes sometimes into a bewildering and confounding mix. If I let even a little color show, reds would pour out, like some sort of glass that suddenly allows the color to barge forth. It's a rather interesting sight, but still, I linger behind the glass, wondering what you would see in me. Brokenness? Hurt? Dis-satisfaction...? All of these, keep me hiding, but then you sooth me softly and coax as I let little by little, chip by chip show. Forgive me, my bad days as we all fall sometimes. And even a child who falls is leery to stand and walk again. But, you dont mind, do you... You're there to pick me up, and hold me, to tell me that you care. But for what? If only i could see what you see, what i dont see in myself. But.. where, where did these things come from? I look and see myself there, Average, boring, broken, non-interesting, but yet you say you cant resist me, how... If only i knew how to feel with my heart and not my brain, but doing so has brought me pain before. It's a scary thing to think about, feeling with you heart, and not your brain, how do you know the difference, have i always been this way? Do I know what it's like to let go and feel? Do i even know how to? It's been so long, being so care-free as a child often is, but... what about us who have been in the world, and seen things as i've seen... how do i teach myself then? How do i show you that i feel the shades of red and orange. How do i even show myself, and let myself do it, for fear that i'll loose my self control and not be me anymore... How...