Okay, Aww Heck needs some more help

[Ragnius]

Okay guys, this one is basically about my Mother

I'm 19, and live in texas, which mean i've legally been and adult for two full years, but the problems with my mom are this

She's upset at me for three reasons

1 - My hair, it's long, and CURLY, and she says,
"Adam, brush your hair more often or YOU ARE GETTING IT CUT!"

2 - My money management
for reference - i dont get a penny of my money UNLESS i ask MOM first, so i dont see myself managing that ANYTIME soon

3 - I wanna move out, and she says i'm not going to
--i've wanted to for a bloomin' while

so, seeing as she's the Landlord of my residence - and yes i do pay rent to live in my own mother's house

and with the fact i'm a legal adult,

what do i do in this situation?  

[DvnT]

the theorie i have will involve some lying ninja . so dont read on if you dont want to lie.

ask your mom for money for something. but dont go buy it. it will take some time, but if you keep doing that, soon you will have enough money to go out and buy your own house! then you talk to your mom if you want, say your moving out and you want your money. if you dont want to talk to her, put down the down payment first. then tell her, say youve already boughten the house and you want your money...

how does that sound?

~love heart
-dvn  

[Calypsophia]

at 19, if you pay rent then it must mean you have a job.. no? if you have a job, you can get your own bank account. if you have your own bank account, you can save up money to move into your own apartment.

if she's controlling your money, it must mean she lacks the confidence that you can be responsible with money. I wouldnt know why she'd think that way, but that's the reason most mothers do things like that. most parents tend to lord over their kids while their kids are under their roof.. "if you want to live under MY roof, these are the rules you must follow" which very well might include how you wear your hair. whether it's right or not, it's how it is.

my advice: dont lie to her. it would take YEARS and YEARS to save up enough for a *house* with that method anyway. you'll be over 30 by the time you'd have enough even for even a down payment of any decent amount. why not simply stop giving her your paychecks? prove her wrong by moving into your own place and show her how responsible you really are. show her you're a grown up. she cant control you if you're on your own and making it.  

[Naitomosu]

Don't go teenager on her. Act resonable. Tell her that legally you are a adult and that you can prove to her that you won't waste yourself.

I think she just wants to protect you.  

[Ragnius]

first, i didnt diclose this because i was wit hmy sister as i wrote my starting post,

i have autism and get an SS check in the mail the first of every month, but i cannot cash it unless my mother is with me because of how it is set up

second, about the lie-tatic, sorry DVN, that wouldnt work, mom doesnt give me over $40 to go anywhere, and she always takes my change back

as for my own bank account, i have ajoint one with my mother, she set it up without asking me

as for "lording over her child"

THATS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!, with my mom it's "i give you transportation - you do as i say, how i say"

((i havent the ability to drive a car on my own))

and as for protecting me

she used to stll physically discipline me when i was 18 last Christmas season, she bought a dvd with my money for soem one that SHE KNOWS i'd NEVER buy it for anyone, and i went off on her for not asking me, & she rasied her hand resulting in me having to threaten to call the Police on her for "battery"

so, with all fully revealed, and sorry for not being clear above, we at least see the severity of my "incapableness",

i'm also gonna mention this to my pastors at church and home group tomorow, see if they have any ideas  

[shani26]

Now we can begin understand your problem. This info was very important.
What do you do with your life now do you study, or have a job?
Does your mom has a job?
If you had the money what would you do with it?

My advise for you for now is to close your eyes, relax and imagine you are getting lite inside your body and attracting good energy, then imagine your mom getting it, and she smiles and thanks you.  

[Calypsophia]

Aww Heck

first, i didnt diclose this because i was wit hmy sister as i wrote my starting post,

i have autism and get an SS check in the mail the first of every month, but i cannot cash it unless my mother is with me because of how it is set up

second, about the lie-tatic, sorry DVN, that wouldnt work, mom doesnt give me over $40 to go anywhere, and she always takes my change back

as for my own bank account, i have ajoint one with my mother, she set it up without asking me

as for "lording over her child"

THATS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!, with my mom it's "i give you transportation - you do as i say, how i say"

((i havent the ability to drive a car on my own))

and as for protecting me

she used to stll physically discipline me when i was 18 last Christmas season, she bought a dvd with my money for soem one that SHE KNOWS i'd NEVER buy it for anyone, and i went off on her for not asking me, & she rasied her hand resulting in me having to threaten to call the Police on her for "battery"

so, with all fully revealed, and sorry for not being clear above, we at least see the severity of my "incapableness",

i'm also gonna mention this to my pastors at church and home group tomorow, see if they have any ideas

ahh this does clear things up quite a bit. how severe is your disability? I honestly dont know a whole lot about autism, but I do know that it can manifest itself in a variety of ways in different people... in what ways does it hold you back? did you say she physically disciplines you? does she beat you?  

[Ragnius]

as for my autism's hindering me,

i have Asperger's Syndrome of Autism. and mine is high-functioning, theres no reason for me to be ay less able to live on my own, as an independent than there is for anyone

as for "beating" - no, she doesnt "beat" me,

as for the physical discipline, it's like this

i refused to talk to her after she bought the DVD, she started to get angry and i said "i'm sick of not knowing where MY money goes and when it goes there, i wont talk to you!"

she rasied her hadn as tif to slap me, and i retaliated syaing " hit me, and discuss this with the police - i'm a legal adult, and will file battery chrages"

she's doen this ALL my life,

it's one thing to spank/hit a Normal child, but it's another to spank/hit one with a mental/genetic disability, no matter how light or heavy the illness  

[Calypsophia]

Aww Heck

as for my autism's hindering me,

i have Asperger's Syndrome of Autism. and mine is high-functioning, theres no reason for me to be ay less able to live on my own, as an independent than there is for anyone

as for "beating" - no, she doesnt "beat" me,

as for the physical discipline, it's like this

i refused to talk to her after she bought the DVD, she started to get angry and i said "i'm sick of not knowing where MY money goes and when it goes there, i wont talk to you!"

she rasied her hadn as tif to slap me, and i retaliated syaing " hit me, and discuss this with the police - i'm a legal adult, and will file battery chrages"

she's doen this ALL my life,

it's one thing to spank/hit a Normal child, but it's another to spank/hit one with a mental/genetic disability, no matter how light or heavy the illness

I'm seeing a slight inconsistency here. on one hand you tell her you're a legal adult, on the other hand you speak of the difference between hitting a normal 'child' than a disabled 'child'. it might mean nothing, but then again it might mean a great deal concerning the psychology of the issue.

is it that the govt wont let you get a license to drive? I dont know what the restrictions are for Aspergers. IF you see yourself as an adult and not greatly hindered as far as leading an independant life, then get a job, get a bank account, if she wont let you then go to a lawyer. go to someone who will help you with your legal rights. Assert yourself as the adult you profess to be.  

[shani26]

I want to help but before i do that i should have more info. I want to try to understand the point of view of your.
Does she sit at home taking care of you, or she can work?
Does she has troubles with money?  

[Ragnius]

shani26

I want to help but before i do that i should have more info. I want to try to understand the point of view of your.
Does she sit at home taking care of you, or she can work?
Does she has troubles with money?

well, she has a good paying job, but our house is honestly in my eyes "comdemned", just last night we lost two or three pipes when the remodeling crew turned the water on after working in the guest bathroom

as for Trouble with money, not at all, she's just a little short on it at times, but not necessarily "troubled", she's onyl short on it cause she wants to be

Calypsophia

shani26
Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:43 am

I want to help but before i do that i should have more info. I want to try to understand the point of view of your.
Does she sit at home taking care of you, or she can work?
Does she has troubles with money?

Calypsophia

I'm seeing a slight inconsistency here. on one hand you tell her you're a legal adult, on the other hand you speak of the difference between hitting a normal 'child' than a disabled 'child'.

well, my point there is followed up after that line, i've put up with it sicne day one of my life, i've just never had a reason to fight back like i do now

 

[Pheromone_21101]

_-♥-_

Well, like they say, don't act like a teenager towards her. Adults discuss things in a proper manner, so if you're one, you should do it too.

I can understand your situation, and I know people who replied to this thread can too. Frankly, I will say that there are only two things we can think of your situation. It's either you are blessed with a loving and caring mother who wishes for your safety, or the latter which I won't mention.

Almost everything has been said already, so I'm just going to hand you my two cents:

Someday, you will understand.

If life gives you troubles or give you things that are over complicated you just hold on till that day. You will understand everything, when the whole truth shows itself.

For now, you're still young. Enjoy your moments with her. Try to give happy memories for the both of you to remember.

_-♥-_

 

[Calypsophia]

Aww Heck

shani26

I want to help but before i do that i should have more info. I want to try to understand the point of view of your.
Does she sit at home taking care of you, or she can work?
Does she has troubles with money?

well, she has a good paying job, but our house is honestly in my eyes "comdemned", just last night we lost two or three pipes when the remodeling crew turned the water on after working in the guest bathroom

as for Trouble with money, not at all, she's just a little short on it at times, but not necessarily "troubled", she's onyl short on it cause she wants to be

Calypsophia

shani26
Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:43 am

I want to help but before i do that i should have more info. I want to try to understand the point of view of your.
Does she sit at home taking care of you, or she can work?
Does she has troubles with money?

Calypsophia

I'm seeing a slight inconsistency here. on one hand you tell her you're a legal adult, on the other hand you speak of the difference between hitting a normal 'child' than a disabled 'child'.

well, my point there is followed up after that line, i've put up with it sicne day one of my life, i've just never had a reason to fight back like i do now

it really doesnt matter that you see your house that way. actually, it should be more incentive to try to be on your own. what about the rest of what I said?

 

[Ragnius]

well, if you mean "driving"


i am unable due to tis reason

i may have good side-tosdie vision, but my attentionspan is that of a Gnat, i could be driving along and see something i didnt know what it was - boom isntant pileup,

as for going to a lawyer, honestly i aconsidered that several times, but idont wanna go that route, yet anyways

as for getting a job, i am looking for one, but no palces are employing at the moment and it seems as though the palces i went too already (one gamestop and two blockbusters) are accepting only those with more experience in the workplace  

[shani26]

Try more places, when i try to find a job i try to go to one job interview a day. If i can't find an interview for the day, i try to look for a job in the net or paper and call places.
I found out that you can learn from interview to interview how to get better.
If you like animals you could post sign at your neighborhood, that saying you would like to walk dogs for money.
About your mother, i think like the comments above me that communication is the key here. Talk to your mother and try to understand why she does what she does.