Okay so heres the deal. In December of 07 this guy (Colton) and I started dating. We dated until the middle of February. There was a rumor going around that I told everyone that Colton raped me. (Which of course wasnt true) Colton heard it and he confronted me about it but of course I denied it. What was I supposed to do? Say it was true when it wasnt? Well after he confronted me about it he kept hearing it and he got fed up so he broke up with me. Of course I was very, very, VERY upset because I loved him I really did. Well after about a month or so and everything kind of died down he messages me on the internet and said that he missed me and he wished we were still together. Well I told him that we could be if he wanted to and he said no because he couldnt stand the people that would talk s**t.
Well after we started talking about it for a bit we had an ROTC lockin at the school where we stayed the night at the school and Colton was there of course cuz me and him were both in ROTC. Well the whole night he was flirting and we finally got to talk alone after the longest time. We locked ourselves in a room and sat there in the dark (it wasnt completely dark) and talked. We talked about our relationship, what got on our nerves, what we liked about eachother, what made things go wrong and etc. It was a good little talk and I was happy that we had it.
A few weeks after ward I texted him and asked him whats up. He texted me back and told me to leave him alone. Well this confused me and I was like 'What the hell did I do to you' and he said nothing. Again I was still confused. So I left him alone like he wished and we didnt talk again until tonight. He texted me (which I didnt think he still had my phone number but I suppose he does now lol) Well he texted me and this is our convo (Hes red I'm blue)
Whats up
Not much you? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone
Not forever I just need to know something
Yea?
If you didnt tell people I raped you then why do I keep getting asked about it?
Cuz its a small F*ckin town and people like to talk about whatever non sense they can get their hands on and if you dont believe me thats okay but I loved you and I would never have hurt you or sabotaged you like that
Could you ever love me again?
Maybe why?
Just wondering I think its possible for us to work
Well can I ask you something now?
Anything. Oh and your brother still hates me
Well first off I dont care if he hates you and second why now I mean you told me not to long ago that I needed to leave you alone and it made me confused
There was another girl then and she told me not to talk to you
But thats still confusing. Are there other girls now?
No not for me but some keep trying and I ignore them
Okay but why me if you can have those other chicks
I have to go but I'll text you tomorrow
Okay text me in the morning I guess
In the mean time theres this guy Patrick that I'm totally in love with and have been for a year and a half now I just have dated other guys while he has dated other girls. Recently we have grown a little bit closer but he cant have a GF right now because hes going through a rough time in his life and he doesnt know how he feels or what he wants to do with his life. I understand completely and I will wait until he is ready. But What I'm really wondering is if it would be appropriate for me to date while I'm waiting or if it would make him think I didnt care. Also I'm wondering if Colton deserves me to go back to him. I mean I do still like him but I cant love him the way I love Patrick. Not again.
Last night I told Patrick to help me heres our conversation (I'm bold hes reg)
Patrick help me I just erased Colton out of my life and I just think he re entered it
What are you talking about
I mean that Colton texted me and we talked and he asked if I could ever love him again
Well maybe you should date him and see how it works out
Patrick why do you keep trying to change my mind about you?
Because I got a lot of stuff going on and here pretty soon your not going to see me very much
Why? Because your moving again? well I'm sorry but no matter what I will always love you whether you feel the same or no and I wil always want to be with you and you cannot believe me as much as you want but its true so no matter if your seeing someone else, of course I will be hurt but I will love you still and I'll be here for you when you get out of that relationship so you will have someone to lean your head on
Yea actually I am moving but this is serious this time because its time I do something to help myself have a better life and not have to live in someones basement anymore
Ok... good for you but like I said you will never be able to shake me and thats that no matter who you date or what ever Patrick I will always ALWAYS love you
And if I missed out on you thats my fault and I only have myself to blame for it so tell me did I or did I not miss out on you?
No reply... It was like 3 in the morning when we were texting so I believe he fell asleep
I finally erased all traces of Colton out of my life (Deleted pics etc off my fone etc) and now hes back
Pics::
Colton::
Patrick and my lil sis::
Me::
P.S. Patrick would NEVER tell me to just go date Colton. I mean yeah he did just tell me that but he HATES Colton and I dont use that word lightly so something HAS to be up with Patrick. Something not so good. If you knwo what I mean
Well I talked to my mom about Colton and she told me to keep him at arms length. That we could go out and hang out every once in a while but she told me not to date him yet until he can basically prove himself (because he told me that he cant stay true to one person thats why he likes being single... at least he told me right?)
Well so I havent talked to Colton for a few days now. Which is fine whatever and I really dont care. Well last night Patrick finally got out of his mood that he was in! Woohoo!!! He was really happy and he called me for the first time in a long time he called me. Well we talked and he goes "I just called to tell you that I'm moving tomorrow and I wont be able to see you for a while and I will miss you and Dan Man (A guy nickname for our girl best friend.... I know we are strange) a lot but I'm moving back and getting my own place in about a month and a half."
Well I wasnt to particularly happy but I wasnt sad, Number one because he would be back, number two because hes getting his life in order by going and number three because I can still talk to him a lot. The only reason I am sad is because it's just so real, I went into shock right after he gave me my good-bye kiss. I just sat there and stared at guitar hero for about 2 hours after he left and I wanted to cry but I couldnt.
I was talking to my friend and I was just like "I cant believe hes gone" and she was like "Yeah its kind of weird but its not like he was ever here anyway he was always with his friends" I was like "Yeah I know but by the end of the night he would be back here and hang out with us" Its just going to be so weird to go over there and him not be there any more... its just....weird
So after me and Patrick got off the phone yesterday we started texting at like 1AM and he was all happy and being his normal sarcastic self. Well I got on the subject of loving him or him loving me, something like that and he asked me why I always get on the that subject and I told him because I needed to know if I was waisting my time. So we talked about it for a bit and here are some of the things that were said by me and him (Me = black him = bold its not back and forth really its just what was said)
I like you but I'm not In like with you (its an inside thing)
Maybe we should jsut be friends for a while (I flipped out and I'll tell you what I said)
You need to calm down seriously dont do anything stupid
calm down right now seriously
You need to stop and you need to sleep and I'll talk to you about it tomorrow
I'm being serious right now. Calm down your gonna be alright I never said I didnt like you I just cant be with you right now
Do me a huge favor and dont do anything stupid I gotta get to sleep I got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow
One more thing, the reason I like being around you so much is because when we are together it feels like I'm the only person in the world with you and we connect and I just realized how stupid I sound and I'm starting to act like you did when we dated (he was real clingy about a year or so ago) but Patrick I dont think you understand and I just f**king ruined everything with you and I wish that I could go back in time so I wouldnt make the same mistakes and its all my fault I'm so sorry I pushed you away from me but I dont think I can just be friends with you it hurts way to much and I think I just I dont know any more i'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you.
I just cant I dont know how to explain it and you dont understand I cant just go to sleep and wish it away it will still be here tomorrow with even more force I just cant and you dont understand I have never been like this before NEVER
I cant just be your friend I have done that for way to long you are hte best friend I have ever had but I want more and you dont and I cant stand that thought it doesnt work like that for me like I said I have never been like this because you have always felt the same and now you dont and I dont know what to do now
I'm sorry I know that you cant but my one and only fear is losing you its all I have ever feared since we met its always been you and when you started getting to far away I hung on I clung onto you as if it would make it better and it made it worse I fear losing you
Okay well after all this I went over there yesterday with my best friend but he was sleeping so me and my best friend just stayed upstairs with the baby while he was asleep. My best friend and her grandma went to go eat at Subway and so I had the baby and Patrick told me to go down there and say hi. So we talked and I told him that I was sorry for freaking out on him and that I should have had more self control than that and I didnt mean to smother him. We talked about it and stuff and then he heard some noise upstairs. So I went to go upstairs and Patrick goes "Wait. ____(insert my name here) I love you, I really do, I just cant be with you because I'm moving. But I love you" and I walked out of the room after looking at him for several long seconds.
Now for the last paragraph (I think) Patrick moved today and its the last time I will see him for a while. Some people in my other thread said that long distance sucks. Well I have done long distance with him before and I completely trust him because he is not the cheating type and Patrick is the only guy I have ever been with for the past like 6 months or so (give or take a few days) and today I pissed him off (like always) and he left. He came back about 30 minutes later and we both said that we were sorry because it was just a stupid reason we were both angry. Patrick gave me a hug and a few kisses before he left. He said he was leaving with his mom and I was like "So thats for good right" and he nodded and I was just like "Wow" and when I gave him his hug we hugged for ever and then he had to go. I'm just in shock I cant really cry about it even though I want to.
