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Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:39 am
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I remember in the past one of my classmates told me that I'm 'never going to get anywhere in life' - and I'm starting to believe her now.
Back in high school I used to be a little bit optimistic because life was easy - I didn't have to make much decisions, and the rules and orders were easy to follow/less confusing. Now that I've finished school the thought of getting a job is painful because I'd have to go through a job interview. It's going to be really hard for me to answer their questions because I stutter a lot and I'm not good at thinking on the spot. I'm extremely shy, I blush, shake and twitch uncontrollably when someone's talking to me.
I'm currently suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder - I don't have much experience with people, I don't feel like I have friends anymore, all I can depend on are my parents but I can't depend on them all the time. My dream was always to become someone who is independent, friendly, outspoken, brave, and a good model for someone - but I can't see myself being that because I'm trapped in my own shyness and I feel so hopeless.
My mum really wants me to have a good career that pays well, therefore she wants me to go to university but I'd have to do a TAFE course first which involves interviews to get into that course. I just can't do that, and I feel I've just let my parents down. She also wants me to go to uni so I'm used to being around other people. If I take any other courses/classes that won't help me get to uni, won't help me get a job or are basically just hobby classes I'll feel guilty because they cost much, and it's my parents who are wasting their money on me not me paying for those classes...
I really need support and advice for this because at the moment I'm extremely stressed and upset because of those thoughts and I'm just sick of crying - I just want to act my age and be able to rely on myself. All I can think of right now is...ending my life ...
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Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:55 am
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Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:58 am
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:07 pm
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