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Heads up: This'll be kinda very long. xp

I try not to talk about my relationships with people because I know I'll end up ranting and hearing all the things I don't want to hear from others about them, but I've had a lot on my mind about it for a really long time now and I guess I need to get it out of my system...

I don't know if I should stay with my boyfriend any longer. It's been over 2 years now, and I DO love him, but I just... I don't know. I'm losing my patience with him. He's so needy, so clingy and I'm not. I'm super independent, and I'm pretty hands-off. He needs constant physical contact, he needs constant attention from me and it's wearing me down. It started off cute, especially since my ex was the total opposite of him in nearly every way, but it's like having a puppy that won't ever grow up. And he's so sensitive that any time I try to talk to him about all this, he blames himself and beats himself up over it without actually changing anything. It's like swatting the puppy after he peed on the carpet, and I feel so rotten for it every time this happens. But he won't LEARN. Our entire relationship has been constant ups and downs because of this. It's fantastic when we're on the "up" side, but a breakdown is sure to follow quickly afterward. Every single time.

There are other problems, too. Different faiths, for one thing; he's Catholic, and I'm Pagan. I don't have a single issue with his faith, but his faith dictates that he shouldn't be with any non-Catholics and if he is, then they need to convert. I won't, though. And he knows this. But if we're to have a future together someday, he wants a traditional wedding and that wouldn't be permitted by his church unless I did so. He's pretty traditional all the way around in his life goals -- he wants his own biological children with his future S.O., he wants her to share his last name, he wants to stay close to home so he can be near his parents. I'm not the least bit traditional. I don't even know if I'll ever want children at all (I know for a fact that I absolutely refuse to carry them myself, because the process of pregnancy terrifies me to the core of my being), I will not ever take on anyone else's last name even if I did get married, and I want to travel far and wide and see what else this world has to offer. His parents hate me for no valid reason, and their words are constantly putting him into a state of doubt about me. My entire family loves him and thinks we're great together. We're just so different, it's like we're two opposite halves of a whole.

But any time I think of leaving him, I just don't know if I can. I come really damn close to it. It hurts to think that we'd be in the same classes, in the same dining hall, amongst the same friend group and no longer be together. To see each other and no longer be able to say "I love you" and embrace. To pass by someone so familiar as if they're a stranger once more. But it also hurts to stay. I'm not happy, and part of me really feels like I'm wasting my time. I dread the time I spend with him lately because I resent how I have to basically be his supervisor in social situations, scolding him when he starts behaving inappropriately. Can 2 years really have been all for nothing? Or is every relationship this tough?

And I'll admit, I'm also scared of the fact that I might never find anyone else if I let him go. I've always been odd. I've never been someone that people flock to to date, I hardly get a passing glance. I'm not the best at initiating relationships, and as you all can tell by this thread, I suck at being in them, too. I don't party, and I rarely get out aside from going to class, getting food, and my occasional solitary walks. I just feel like he might be my only option, or else I'll face a long and lonely future. And that bothers me. confused

I don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks, Wolf. smile

Compromise was actually the last big conflict we had, right before we left for winter break. His mother has been planting ideas in his head that I rarely compromise because I hesitate to go with him when he invites me to things. Which isn't entirely false, but I compromise in so many other ways that both of them are too dense to realize. You know why I hesitate to go to those events? Because they're always with people I hardly know or don't like, doing activities I don't enjoy, eating food my body can't process without physically destroying itself. I went with him to his fraternity's formal last year because he really wanted to go even though I didn't, and I was in absolute hell the entire night. And they think I don't compromise? Excuse me, but those two have NO concept of how much I sacrifice every day for his sake. And I am so ******** done with his b***h of a mother and her high school games, and I wish he'd grow the balls to stand up to her for me because I am sick of not having a voice. But I know it's not my place to speak up for myself to her, so I wait and twiddle my thumbs, waiting for him to grow up. I understand why he doesn't, but if our roles were reversed, I would've confronted my parents about it long ago. The vindictive side of me really wants to stay with him just to chap her a**, because after all of the s**t she's put me through, I want her to burn in her own personal hell.

A lot of people I know have told me that our issues are likely from a lack of experience, because this is only his first relationship and my second one. And I know that some of his quirks might stem from his mild autism, so I've been extra patient and sympathetic. But even I have my limits. I know it's not right to myself to stay with him in spite of everything, but I've always had a hard time letting go. The same thing happened with my last relationship; I stayed with him for far longer than I wanted to because I feared that I might not have another chance, and it was easy enough to sacrifice my own happiness for the guise of it. I don't like saying "goodbye." It's the saddest word in human language. It makes me feel alone, and as someone who knows how painful isolation is, I don't ever want to feel that way again.

Some people are idiots that don't realize how much people are willing to give for them. If he can't see and appreciate all that you're doing for him, he's not worth it in my opinion. He needs to recognize that you do compromise, but that sometimes he does too and that it can't always be what he wants. Last relationship I was in, we both gave a lot for each other. I gave a lot for her, put myself in situations I hate being in. Made myself go and meet her family, even when I spend time avoiding my own, because I know she's big on family and I wanted them to like me and if things had worked out I would probably spend time with them. And she gave up a lot of opportunities to be with me, even after I told her not to and that I'm not worth her future. Made it hurt that much more when it turned out she was married and she supposedly didn't know. Amyways, I'm getting off track now. Compromise is big and he needs to recognize when you're doing it and he needs to realize he needs to give up some things as well.

And he's not worth your happiness. Don't be one of those people who sacrifice their happiness because they feel they can't do any better, please. I know too many people who do that. I don't want you to be another person on that list. If he doesn't make you happy it's best if you leave him, for both of you. It's going to hurt at first. I wish I could say it wouldn't and that it would be easy, but it will and it isn't. But, again, you're an amazing woman and any guy would he lucky to have you. You just have to be willing to let go of the guy you're with and go look for the guy that will love you and make you happy. Don't be like me, don't be so unwilling to let go of the past you aren't accepting to accept another future that could potentially make you happier.

I deal with the Catholic and not Catholic thing.


There's things about his faith he'll have to reconcile, the same way there exist some things you'll have reconcile if it's going to work. For him Catholic marriage is all about building families. I'm three years in and we still work out conflicts of faith. Though our long term goals often align. If his family is Catholic as well, they probably have the expectations he will be with someone Catholic, it makes a lot of things easier. If you have more questions I'll answer them in messages.


The questions to ask, What are your long term goals? What aspects of your life are you willing to give up/compromise on for another person and vice versa? Are you looking for stability, or adventure?

He'll be a fairly stable match long term, but from what you seem to be describing it's not what you're looking for right now, and maybe not in the next 5-10 years.

Because you're thinking about it, you've written quite a bit about the problems, but nothing about what's going well, thus deciding if you should end it our not isn't an easy answer.

It's a tough decision. It's definitely not one to take lightly. Make sure that what you're doing is the right thing. And if you ever need someone to talk to you could always message me, hell I'll even give you my number so you can call if you want. I consider you family Hiddochi, and I just want you to know I'm here for you.

I actually know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who is needy and clingy; that's how my first boyfriend was. It started off nice and sweet but over time I started feeling like I was more of a mother figure to him than an actual girlfriend. Like you, that sort of relationship became stressful and mentally/emotionally draining. After being together for a year and half, I officially made the decision to break up with him.

And it's probably something you need to do in your case. If you're even doubting how you feel about the relationship, then it's probably a good sign that it's not meant to be. It may feel weird to even consider it after being together for so long but I'm sure it'll be a refreshing change as it was for me.

As for the last bit, I too have issues with being able to initiate new relationships. With a combination of being an introvert and being hurt in the past (both with those I was in relationships with and guys I had major crushes on), I tend to be a bit hesitant on revealing my feelings to anyone I have interest in until I'm certain where we stand, both on a friendship and romantic level. However, the right one will eventually come along and be understanding of your little quirks. It might feel like it'll take forever for it to happen but when it does, it'll be worth it.