Teenage Pregnancy (Depression, Drugs, Abuse, Rape)

[chimonster3]

I'm only 15 and I recently found out I was pregnant. I don't want to have an abortion but I have no way of supporting myself and a child on my own. I haven't told my friends or my family yet, mainly because I'm scared of what they'll think of me. But also because my mom has made it quite clear that if something like this were to happen I would be out of the house in a heartbeat.

I have been diagnosed with "depression" since the age of 10 but I was on antideppressants that were working for a while. Then three years ago my mom married an alcoholic. After their first year of marriage he became abusive, verbal at first than a few months later he started hitting my mom. Living with him was so miserable and the antideppressants stopped working. At first I just started taking more and more and it got to the point where I'd come home from school and take so many I'd pass out until the next morning and start the cycle again.

When he started hitting me I started doing coke. I had a friend who always used it so I could get it cheap off him. I used for nearly a year before my mom divorced the man and I secretly checked myself into rehab. It was more like an AA type thing but I eventually got clean. Until 7 months ago when my mom started seeing another alcoholic.

She knows he scares me, and no matter how many times I tell her how stupid she's acting she won't listen to me. My advances are always shot down with, "You don't know what its like to be alone." But the problem is, I DO. I've been alone all my life but my mom is too busy with her "men" to notice that she has a daughter.

The obvious solution would be to move in with my dad right? Well, I tried that. If you haven't noticed my mom's rather obvious pattern in love yet...I spent this last summer with him which made me more miserable then I have ever been in my life. When I was living with my step-dad I basically blocked away the pain. Wouldn't let it surfacec, but when I moved in with my dad it all just bubbled over.

My dad is married again with two daughters (5, 6) and he loves to remind me of how much more he loves them than me. How much smarter they are going to be than me. How much prettier they are going to be than me. And it makes me feel awful to think badly of my sisters because no matter how hard I try I can't hate them, even when they are screaming things "Daddy said about me". Every night I would cry myself to sleep.

Finally I went to Bayfest, (only because the girls wanted to go, mind you) and while I was there some guy offered me coke. I declined at first, but with the way I had been feeling I changed my mind. After I passed out the guy had sex with me. And thus I am left with my current problem.

But the thing is I don't regret it. I know that he raped me, and I should be angry that he took my virginity but in some odd way I'm happy that I'll finally have someone to love, and to love me. But then I'm so scared that he or she will hate me and I just want to kill myself but I can't! I couldn't before because I was a coward, and I can't now because I couldn't murder my child.

I'm just so scared that I won't be able to do enough, I'll come up so horribly short and end up making my baby just as miserable as I was and am.

 

[IfAngelsBurn]

I wish to tell you a story, that will lead to a resoultion and hopefully a solution for you. Mind you, that I do not wish that everyone will read this, but I see it nessecary, for this is my past, that is currently like your own, but different. The story is in dark blue, you can ither choose to read it or not. My advice is in red.

When I was eleven, my best friend that I loved in the how world committed suicide. For weeks, I went without sleep, eat, nor drink. I was cold inside, a place that should have been numb, but was to filled with sorrow, in the sorrow I found my only friend - pain. Not just any type of pain, self inflicted. I did not do drugs, nor did I take to alcohol, I took to self mutulation - that was my "drug." I became addicted to the pain, to the bleeding, for in just a nano second, I felt mental relief.

I was in this state for years, than when I was thirteen, I was kidnapped by a so called "friend of the family." For days I was gone, trapped in a state of permintate physical torture. The man beat me, raped me, and stole my virginity. Finally, I got away and never told a soul about what happened to me, until a few months later when my period stopped coming. When I soon realized that I was with child. I started to feel something other than pain, a hope that blossemed inside of me - that for once there would be someone to finally love me. Unconditionally.

I stopped cutting when I found out, that I was pregnant. Within my six month of the pregnancy, I saw the guy that raped me. He knew that I was with child, and that the child that was growing within my womb was his. He beat me again, within an inch of my life. When I awoke, I was in the hospital, I didn't know how many days that I had been there. All I knew was that I had lost the one thing that gave me hope. To a man, a man that was a *****, a rapist of little girls, to a man that was a murderer. To a man that wasn't really a man at all, but a monster.

The police came to my hospital room that night, and I confessed to them what had happened. I even told them about the rape. My family didn't know what to do or say. So I was left alone in the torment of losing everything that I held dear in the world. When I finally was able to see passed the rape and the torment of losing not only a dear friend but I child aswell. I learned something new, that I could help others who are more or less like me. Who have lived a life not of their chosing.

First, I would go to your family, tell them that you where raped, than tell them that you are with child. If they want you to get an abortion, tell them that you do not wish too, that although the childs father may be a monster, that the little one growing inside of you is not. Ask them for help and support in raising the child. And I do mean, sit down with ALL of them, at the same time if you can, it will make it less tramatic for you that you don't have to retell the story over and over.

Secondly, once you have gotten your family out of the way, call the police and file a report. It is the best action to take and will make you feel so much better. Knowing that the man that raped you, will not do it to some other victim.

I would also talk to your mother about her type of relationships. They aren't healthly for her or for anyone. Alcoholic relationships often land in abuse and some in death.

Depression, is a nasty little bugger that is with some people throughout their whole lives. But with help, not just from antidepressants, but also with a good ear, you can over come it.

Good luck to you. And if you need me. I will be here, just send a PM whenever you are in need of a listenor or a friend.  

[Worrddup]

Oh dear. First off, do you mind if I call you ChiChi?

A quick check of your profile tells me that you are in Hawaii, and an even quicker Google search tells me that teenagers in Hawaii do not need parental permission to have an abortion. However, I don't think, just like Angels said, the child inside of you is not a monster and does not need to be aborted, especially if you don't want to. However, being fifteen myself, I don't think raising a child at our age is the feasible option either. Personally, I would suggest giving the child up for adoption once it is born. That way, he or she can be given a home with parents that can not have childen of their own and are fully matured. But I realize that many women, after nine months of being with child, simply can't give it up for adoption.

I would also hope that you report what you know of the man who raped you to the police, like Angels said. Maybe if you tell your mother you were raped and became pregnant that way, as opposed to just 'fooling around,' she'll understand. I would hope that she wouldn't throw a pregnant fifteen year-old out on the street. I can understand from what you've written that living with your father is not an option either. And by the way, judging by your signature pic, you are pretty. I think your father is just saying all those things out of spite.

If you ever need anybody to talk to, feel free to PM me. I also have AIM if you want to talk over that. I mean it. I really hope everything turns out at least okay. You are in my prayers. smile  

[tinkys85]

#1 the fact that ur scared that u wont be enough is a good sign, when i was 17 i had spent the night at my dealers house, the next morning i woke up naked i got dressed and went home christmas eve i realize im late, ok pregnacy test, oh s**t 2 lines, took a** hole to court but that never went anywhere(im not saying you shouldnt try you need to)neway so i became single mom got jobs went to school the moral of this story i now have a smart happy 3 yr old and on top of it i got married(my husband adopted my son so he has his last name)neways u can make it no such thing as a perfect parent(just do what i do the exact oppoiste of anything my parnets did) good luck you can make it pm me if u want to tyalk about it k  

[CutesieBubbles]

Your lives are so sad. sad . I hope nothing like that ever happens to me....I don't know what to tell you. I wouldn't have advice on that.  

[White_Shadowed_Soul]

My sympathy is with you in you're current situation. As far as the abortion goes, I'm really not going to give you advice because I don't think that my advice would help your current situation at all. But you should definitely report the guy who raped you, as the others said, scum like that doesn't belong on the planet. About your parents...that's a whole issue right there. I am also depressed (along with the whole suicide crap), have been since second grade, and my parents still don't know. The thing about your dad is, he'll always tell your younger sisters how great they are because they are younger than you or they really just don't understand depression in the least. Young kids need to hear positive things otherwise they will get discouraged too, so I wouldn't worry about that too much (although that's easier said than done). As for your mom, she has no right to kick you out of the house after all the stupid stuff she's done to you. At least you had a good reason for everything, she was just lonely...you were abused...there's a difference. She either needs to suck up her loneliness and deal with it or find someone who's half decent or she could spend time with you and actually try to be a mother! Although, if I were you I would try to find some way so you don’t have to live with your mother. I know everyone else has said that you shouldn't live with your father because of your depression, and it's understandable. However, being 15 and all, I really don't see much more of a choice. I hope that this helps at least a little, even though I don't have as much personal experience. Good luck to you. heart  

[redwire7]

all i can say is, be the best mom that you can be  

[Khalida Nyoka]

Have faith in yourself, and have faith in God.

You can do like so many people do, and just pick up the bible. I'm not saying you have to. I've never read "the Good Book" myself.

Have faith, and be strong. Do not let anyone take the child from you. Start carrying some form of protection with you. If your mother finds out, she may try to do something about it... or she may ask her new "man" to do something about it. I would suggest both pepper spray and a knife. Pepper spray to the eyes, then a quick stab with the knife to a shoulder or the ankle (preferrably the Achilles Tendon (just above the heel)). It is all a matter of self defence, and the most likely thing to be done is they remove you from the area. Possibly find some more distant relatives.

I am hurt by your story, and obviously I am having trouble correlating all of my thoughts, so forgive me if I am not making much sense.

Just be prepared to take any step necessary to keep yourself and your child safe. Finish highschool, any way possible, apply for "Welfare" and food stamps if you need to. Provisions need to be made at this point in your life, and you need to make them. If your family is of no use to you, drop them. Let them rot in the filth that they have brought unto themselves. All that matters now is you and your child. Remember how terrible they made you feel, and make a promise, on your life and soul, that you will do your best to let your child be happy. Do not follow the patterns, and do not accept things for how they are. Even if the "man" who raped you does not get sent to jail, you can legally force him into paying child support, while maintaining full custody of you son/daughter. If at all possible, leave your home state, and do not let your family know where you are going. Possibly see about stopping in one state, and then going to a completely different one. Change your name.

All your family can do now, if they choose to stand against you, is to hurt you and your baby. You must protect yourself and your child. Remember what it was that happened in your life, and make sure that your child never has to experience the things you have had to. If it becomes possible, take some courses part time at a junior college and get some sort of degree. You'll get a better job, and make more, and be able to pay for things easier.

Mind you money is not required for happiness, but better jobs also tend to have health coverage as well.  

[PastelFlame]

My deepest sympaties are with you. It breaks my heart to hear about things like this, especially at such a young age. I 100% advise you take the guy whom took advantage of you to court, if not for yourself for the child's sake.

I want to tell you to love yourself more, that you and your flesh and blood are what matters most.I want to tell you to talk to your family.I want to tell you to speak to an advisor or a someone certified enough to give you proper advice about your situation and your mother's.

I want to tell you that if you can't escape or bear a bad living situation, to go to a place that helps young teenagers such as an emergency shelter. I want to tell you that when it comes to having a child, do what you feel is right or best for you. Its your body and your child.

I want to tell you these things, but I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I honestly can't fully imagine what you are dealing with, but I hope this helps in some way. From what I've read, you are a very strong person to have made such progress. What I will tell you is to continue to be strong and to never lose hope, there's always a better approach to things, this I know for sure. I deeply wish you the best and I hope everything works out well.  

[Amaraleigh]

Im so sorry, first off. Compared to most kids, I guess I have a good life, kind of. >_- Im not gonna say what happened to me, because I dont think anyone wants to know, but, If they MAKE you get an abortion, tell each and every ******** one of them that you just commmited murder. I think iyour choice if you want to have one or not, but if you tell them and you move out, Im sooo sending you money. I can help you, I promise.

Good luck.

 

[aveura]

Yes tell your parents you were raped and they should understand. That way when you tell them your pregnant it will be easier because they know you were raped and not just out having sex.  

[cheerchik]

wow. your story. its just wow. it makes me realize that my life is better then i thought. but as for you and your baby, you dont have to kill him/her and you dont have to keep him/her either. i know it might make you feel bad but once your baby is born you should but him/her um for adoption. but before all of that, you will need to to tell your mom. though, your diagnosed with depression, you still should take the consequences of your actions. now i know getting pregnant was not your fault, but still it partly is. i know fer sure you dont want to hear that but it is sweetie. if you would have walked away from the drugs the man offered you, no matter how much you didnt want to, you still should have. so explain to your mom exactly whats happening in your life and she should understand. after all, she is your mother and no matter what your do, she will always love you. even if it doesnt seem like she does. but... when tell her your story, leave the pregnancy thing for the end, or you can just show her your post and she should understand.  

[Sotur]

i agree with cheerchik. though it's a hard reality, and it was rape, there's ur fault in taking the drugs. as for the abortion, DON'T! I know it'll b very hard, but u can't kill that child. it's not his/her fault! [i'm aware u r against it already]. so, yeah, u're gonna have to talk to ur family...and if u need mor suport, ask ur friends for it. maybe u can't do it alone, but some courage comes from holding a true friend's hand while u say it. and them being ur age, should understand better and help u trhu it  

[Loki god of BS]

ill try to keep it simple.1st do not abort just because your having the baby dosent mean it is your life to take away.
2nd if things at home are realy as bad as you say leave go to a friend or someone close that you trust.
im not trying to preach or anything but maybe you should confide in your faith whatever it is ive have noticed generaly people who seek comfort from their god are more likly to find it.
sorry im not much help ave never been in that situation.