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 Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:52 pm
Digging through anyone's ashes is reprehensible. I don't care who you are! Unless you're fulfilling someone's last wishes, then it's completely wrong.
The fact that the act is illegal should deter him from such an act. Is he a felon as well?
You know, if I had children, and my mom and her husband were doing what yours are doing, I'd slap a nice hefty restraining order on them. Well, not only them. The whole lot of 'em.
I wouldn't want mentally ill children with my children if they were torturing cats, and molesting youngsters. They are only doing what their parent has taught them. And by your mom and her husband adopting them, I highly doubt that they wouldn't be spending any time at all with daddy.
Those kids should have been removed from the family entirely, and given to foster parents in another state. But that's just my point of view. (I'm hoping to be a foster parent one day so I can help unfortunate kids with their life issues stemming from abusive, drug-taking, alcohol-abusing, weapon-using, molesting parents/other foster parents.)
To my knowledge, it is the social worker's job to get involved when something this disrupting occurs. By not doing so, she has violated a trust, and the law, I believe. I live in Canada. Things could be different.
About your mother, the world does not revolve around her. Regardless of what she or her husband think, she has a mental illness. I can't remember the name of it, but there is a very known mental disease out there that outlines the exact way your mom acts. (I just checked it out, and from what I read, you mom might suffer from something called Borderline Personality Disorder. Now, I could be wrong, I'm not a doctor. Don't hold it against me.)
So what if she's Catholic! If you're not, tell her to mind her own freaking business! I'm Catholic, and guess what? If my daughter chose not to be, then so be it. I wouldn't love her any less. I'm not going to try and secretly christen her kids. Catholicism isn't all it's cracked up to be anyways. She's so brainwashed by it and close minded.
Sorry for ranting, myself... I need to get this off my chest as well. You're mom and her husband infuriate me.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:15 pm
nytshad CHAPTER 2
Last Friday my mom sent out an email to my siblings and me offering up a number of family heirlooms, as they have recently remodeled parts of the house. The final offer on this email was for her husband to go digging through my father's ashes to make us necklaces. Apart from being illegal, this is an entirely nausiating and reprehensible concept to us and I have told her so in the past (when he did it once before last summer).
So I called her and very calmly (without crying or yelling since I was at work) told her exactly what I think of the way she treats my sisters, the way she treats my father's memory, and the direction her new family is going. Of course, she claims not to remember me expressing my disgust at her husband's idea of a kind favor last year, and she claims no responsibility for the way she treats my sister, blaming the 6 of us for "leaving her" after Daddy died. I told her that it wasn't Daddy's death that made us leave but her behavior since then. She then launched into a tirade about how my father suffered from depression and how he had been dying for a long time but none of us knew (both true statements, though didn't need to be rehashed). It ended with me saying I would stop by for a few things while I was in town that afternoon.
I stopped by and hung around for an hour and let her talk about "safe" topics and ramble on because it made her happy. Meanwhile the demon children are torturing kittens in front of her and she's not saying anything, they're trying to get into my car even though I told them repeatedly ot to, and basically just running around unfettered and mom doesn't seem to mind. But I let it go because I didn't want her blaming me for whatever bad thing happened next in her life.
After I left her house, I got a call from my eldest sister. Apparently my mom's husband had dropped by her house unannounced and talked her ear off for 2 hours about how Mom is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it's all our fault and it's our responsibilty as her children to save her from herself and stop making her life difficult. He said her grasp on reality is slipping and she mentally ill and he can't help her if we're all making her cry herself to sleep at night.
I've known my mom was losing her grip for years and I adjust my personality when talking to her accordingly, but he can't expect us to put the little ones at risk. But he does. And of course, if anything happens to my mom it'll be all our fault. Narcism, much? Wow, I'm sorry to hear that he is putting all this on you and your sisters. But did anyone, or HE should I say, stop to think that it may be the way he, his sons, and the kids are acting is a big part of what is making her ill? And that she is scared to say anything because of fear? Or that her crying herself to sleep at night may be because she has to put up with all that goes on in her house? He has no right to put the blame on you and your siblings when he probably don't know the real reason she is becoming ill. It seems he has a bit of mental illness himself as well as the children. In my opinion, they all need help. Anyway, my sympathy goes out to you for having to deal with this but you have to do what you feel is right. She chose her life and she needs to understand that either she can put up with it or get out. It's sad the situations that there are here but there is no reason to let children be exposed to that kind of behavior at all. Also, he should have more respect for her than to make her put up with everything that he and his family does.
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