a note to ******** things up worse.

[K1T3]

he probably feels you hate him.  

[Sotur]

r u sure u don't care, or r u trying to convince urself so as to not end up hurt?  

[Kogru]

I dunno. i went over later that night, my friend sam appareared (i'm not allowed to hang w/ her but i do neways.) we went over and he was like "i don't like you two, go the hell away." so i was like "wtf O_o" so i ding dong ditched him hxc. he came out with a knife, threatened to stab me. i told him to get that thought out of his mind cuz i can kick his scrawny white a**. >_> so yea. i'm tots not even going to freaking bother. i think i'm just to desperate. my grades are down the toilet. i can't stand this anymore. and of course now we are going over depression in school >_> i'm half tempted to tell my story and junk. bleh >_> i dunno what to do anymore, i'm grounded so i have no internet life... and my life in the world is dead. my friends never talk to me, and seem not to care for my excistance. Except jenn, she is great. i just wish she went to school w. me... she is like a sevie though. lol. =] but she's pretty cool. i'ma get a pic up fo em and her soon. do any of you even know what i look like O_o?  

[Dominique Devlin]

No, I don't know what you look like. surprised


ANd I do feel kind of bad for you... But hey: we're sort of in this together! Even though... We both live at the far other side of the world... And I'm only referring to the school results...

.__.



Anyway:

heart heart heart
THERE! HAH!
 

[Sotur]

i don't have the slightest idea as to what u look like. and i'm not exactly joining u in the "grades down the toilet" part...my career kinda depends on it [2nd year college student, in august i'll be 3rd year]. so....even tho i'm not in those problems myself, i half went through them [not in the same extent, tho. kids at my school were jerks, but not to that point...that i know of].

anyway, that's kinda harsh, threatening u with a knife for no good reason [whether or not u can beat him isn't the issue here]. the desperate part...only u would know, but if it's that, i suggest finding a way to cool it down. i dunno if i've said it b4 here, but trying to "push" relationships, in MY OPINION, doesn't work. constantly dating and "looking for a bf/gf" is simply for the hell of it [and may i add, i disagree with that, too]; i think that TRYING to get a relationship, if achieved, won't last long, bcs the 'longing' feeling might blind the person....that's just me. anyway, if u feel like telling ur story, why not try counseling? i went in severa occasions to the college's psychologist, and tho not in the way i was expecting, she kinda helped me [even tho i ABSOLUTELY HATE COUNSELING!! ..... and refused to go to a psychologist when my mom mentioned it]. so maybe it might work for u.

and what's a "sevie" confused eek xp ???  

[Kogru]

Sevie = seventh grader. lol. ok. so new results. i am triple grounded. because my mom cought me having sex in her bed. with this hottie dj. haha. jaykay. i have really bad grades. a D and an F. so... yea... and still grounded from last time. >_< rawr. anyway. i'm not talking to chris. he said all red heads are ******** retarts... including me... so i'm not talking to him. yeup.

Bleh. well prom for the upper graders is coming up. and like all the freshmen (but me) are going >_>. lol. =]

well i'm watching neds declasified. the boy is hott. lol.  

[Dominique Devlin]

Kogru

Sevie = seventh grader. lol. ok. so new results. i am triple grounded. because my mom cought me having sex in her bed. with this hottie dj. haha. jaykay. i have really bad grades. a D and an F. so... yea... and still grounded from last time. >_< rawr. anyway. i'm not talking to chris. he said all red heads are ******** retarts... including me... so i'm not talking to him. yeup.

Bleh. well prom for the upper graders is coming up. and like all the freshmen (but me) are going >_>. lol. =]

well i'm watching neds declasified. the boy is hott. lol.

rofl That's just brilliant, you know that?  

[Kogru]

But i still have oither problems... i guess i'll post this one...

Ok... so this boy DJ, who i met over the summer, i really like... i thought he was gay or bi, because he surely acted it, and my gaydar so went off hxc. So i just kinda chatted with him ove rthe internet alot... and i developed a HUGE crush on him (which is still going >_>). Ok, so the first day i saw him, i kinda... froze up. I didn't make eye contact, i just walked to my assigned desk (we have homeroom together) and sat silently. I trurned my head and saw him stairing right at me. I turned and staired at my desk. Of course this girl sommer turned and saw me blushing and asked me about it. I just told her i wasn't feeling good, i was extremly nervouse about the day. I went about the day, i walked through the halls silently mostly, i had a few classes with my friends, so i was pretty happy. I began to notice that i saw DJ a lot, in the hallways. I went home, and got online after talking to my mom about the day. DJ was on, and i IMed him, he asked me how my day was and i told him it was fine. He asked why i didn't say hi, i told him i am to nervouse in the mornings. The first few anyway. So about 2 weeks into the school year i invite him to a chat, with me him a friend of his and my friend (the one from earlier) her name is holly. so me and DJ were talking about frozen chocolate covered bannannas. And i said something mean, and he was like "Suck my bannanna!" so of course i was like "sure! i love bannanna's ;D" and he got a bit defensive, he though i was making fun of gay people. i reasured him that i wasn't. So we ended up in this argument, he said something like "all you do is stare at my crotch in homeroom" trying to be funny. So i told him that i don't stare at his crotch, i prefer his a**. and he went quite, then left.
Around... October? or November? the word got out that i liked DJ... and he heard it... and he addressed my closest friend about it. She wasn't sure what to say, so she said "brb" and IMed me. She told me what he asked, and i was like "ugh. well... i guess... go ahead and tell him it's true, BUT TELL ME EVERYTHING HE SAYS!!!" so she told him. and then she IMed me back. she said that he was flattered that i like him. And it made me glad he didn't want to be all like "ew you like me, stay the hell away". but it turned out to be like that. I began to say hello to him in the halls, and have chats to him at his locker prior to this. But not much. Our talking began to die down, except on AIM. we began to have very... interesting conversations. nothing to sexual. it was just like...boy to boy things. (-cough- masterbation -cough-).
So one night, his best friend who lives down the street from me had a few of my other friends over. So they were out and about, and stopped by my house. So i ran out and went around with them. It turned out dj WAS with them, but he ran off when he found out they came to get me. Which was a tip off that he hated me, or didn't want me around. So i was like "...i'll go home... i don't want to mess things up with you guys... i'm sorry..." but they told me to stfu. dj ended up coming with us, along with megans hott brother <3. i kinda stayed solent from there on. i put my headphones on and listened to music. So we went through that and i went home. a few months later DJ called my cell, asking if he wanted to walk w. him to MxDonalds because megan didn't want to. Unfortinatly i was grounded so i couldn't. i told him i was going ot sneak out and go with him. I ended up getting cought >_> by my sister >_<. But yea... so i got grounded for that. DJ didn't say much about it, thankfully. But yea... i don't really know what to do anymore.

Also, during the summer, he said "if you were to tell me any one of your deep dark secrets, i bet i would have the same one. You don't realize how much we are the same do you?" which got me thinking...

i just imed him... he's talking to me... that's a good sign... lol. he wants me to speak to his friend, cuz he thinks she'll like me.  

[Kogru]

Ugh nvm... he talked for a few, i asked him how his day was, he said "i did a lot of s**t.. i'm gunna go to bed". and signed off =[  

[Kogru]

oh yea...



there i am... (i'm the guy)

and here's DJ <3


heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart  

[Sotur]

heh, DJ's kinda cute. anyway, i think u r a bit desperate to be with someone, and i don't think that's healthy. sorry if i offended with that  

[Kogru]

Hah... i guess i am. i just like boiz <3. and DJ won't acknowledge my existence, dunno what i did... >_>  

[Sotur]

well, it's not about who u like, it's about keeping it under "control". when i didn't have a bf, i still liked boys, but i wasn't going around "like a bee" [from flower to flower]. i just looked and "acknowledged beauty" blaugh but that's it. i mean, do u really find it that important? to be with someone, i mean  

[Kogru]

well... i dunno. i guess i want someone who i know will be there for me, through thick and thin. Since i know just about none of my friends or family care enough to stick with me if something bad was to happen. maybe a few "oh... that sucsk for you... hope things get better." but that's about it. and i've had a crush on DJ for like.. almsot a year.

oh yea... update on chris... he started yearing makeup... eyeliner.. black. he said "the people in greenday do it, why can't i?" i told him cuz "A) you don't even know how to freaking put it on correctly, and B) you look horrible... er.." and today he shaved himself bald >_> he is an idiot >_> and he's been asking just about everyone out... not kidding.

update on DJ... he talked to me for the first time in like weeks. <3. he was telling me that our HR teacher wasn't there... of course when i saw him i shifted my gaze to the ground and tried to avoid confrontation... and i didn't quite pick up what he said, just screamed "WHAT THE HELL!!! grawrll..." and walked off. lol.