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| Whose was your favorite? |
| searsrisenbunny |
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8% |
[ 2 ] |
| KurimusonChishio |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| negimalover19409 |
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4% |
[ 1 ] |
| FreakyGHappy |
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8% |
[ 2 ] |
| Walnut Clamhat |
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24% |
[ 6 ] |
| AndrewBot |
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16% |
[ 4 ] |
| Okami Ameras |
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36% |
[ 9 ] |
| soccer_kitty73 |
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4% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 25 |
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 Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 1:10 am
Gah! I wish it could have been the beginnin of a story cus I'm no good writin with the end of the story cus then I keep writing and writing tryin to make the endin fit the givin endin.
Now if it was a poem...thats a dif story. I'll try this though but if it don't turn out....I'll make a post and say so.
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:02 pm
Louise the Bump Fairy AndrewBot if you ever have another contest, can i do a sequel to my story? it just doesn't seem like a complete ending, but it seems like a good ending for a story, you know what i mean? Absitively. yes! next question: will you have another contest?
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:14 pm
I'd like ta...
No ideas as of yet, tho'. (what to do, what to give oot...)
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:13 am
"Yeah, I remember...don't know why I wouldn't. I'm the one who lost my thumb not you" an elderly man around the age of seventy spoke.
"Well, if you remember, Grandpa, then why won't you tell us?" a young girl spoke up. She had long blonde-hair pulled into two pigtails and she looked to be the age or nine or ten.
"I bet'cha it's cus he don't wanna gross us out. Haha, grandpa's a 'fraidy cat!" a young teenager taunted. His short blonde hair shifted and he moved his head slightly to see his grandpa better. His golden eyes held a teasing note to them, proving that he was your normal teenager.
"Now, now Jonathan, Amber, if pops doesn't want to tell you the story...then he doesn't have to," a tall man said, giving a stern look to what seemed to be his children. Of course, anyone would think they would, they all held the same oval face and short nose.
"Well, I guess I could tell you little munchkins how it went. Robert...get me my whiskey will ya. It helps with my rememberin."
"Of course dad," Robert swiftly walked out of the family living room and into the kitchen. He gave his wife a quick kiss before grabbing what his father had asked for, "Here ya go, Charley" he said, handing the old man the bottle.
"Well, I guess it's time to tell you kids the story. Robert, go in there with Michelle, you don't have to be a' unclin all the time to these kids. Now get" Robert gave a short nod then walked back into the kitchen.
"Okay Grandpa....we wanna hear how you lost your thumb," Amber said, "but leave about the parts about ma and pa...I don't wanna hear them"
"Ah Amb, it's okay....we got Uncle Rob and Aunt Michelle with us. Mom and dad would be glad we're with them"
Amber looked up at her big brother from her spot on the floor and gave a small nod before walking over to him "Ok...can I sit with you will he tells the story?"
"Of course," Jonathan said, giving enough room in the large chair for his sister to climb up.
"Now let's get on with this here story..." he took a shot of whiskey before sighing and beginning his story, "Well, it all began when I was about twenty years old..."
--------------------------------------------------------
"Hey Charley! Come on Charley, wake up! The boss is comin" a young man whispered. "Come on, get up!"
"Is there a problem here Michael?" a stout man said in a high voice.
"Uh, um, no sir....I was just tellin Charley here that he needs to sit properly or else it will ruin his back," and with that last word, Michael slapped his friend on the back, waking him up.
"Huh? Wha-? Oh HI! Mr.Little, how are you today?" Charley said quickly, giving a look of thanks to Michael.
"Just doing my usual rounds. Speaking of which, your lunch breaks are over....get back to work!" Mr.Hank Little walked off to another table and broke into conversation with them.
"Thanks man...I didn't get much sleep last night. Helpin Carli with the baby. He cries so much..."
"It's ok, I know how you feel having had a young'n myself" Michael said, smiling lightly, his black hair shining off the overhead lights. "Anyway, we best get back to work...don't wanna get fired."
"Right," The two buddies stood and started heading to their work stations.
They worked at a packaging company and it was there turn at pakaging the knives. Everyone hated this station because of the way the machines just dropped the silverware, spewing knifes everywhere. There had been many people who had lost body parts working this shift; Michael and Charley didn't want to become one of them.
-------------------------------------------------------
"You see kids, workin at that plant was one of the worst possible jobs for me to have chosen. But it's gettin pretty hot in here. Why don't we head outside and watch the sunset. should finish up my story just as it starts"
The trio headed out the front door and each took up a chair that resided on the wrap-around porch.
"Now...where was I? Oh yes...that day was a very unfortunate one indeed..."
--------------------------------------------------------
"Remind me again why we risk our lives working this shift?" Michael asked and he dodged another stray knife.
"Because....it was the only job we could find that we both qualified for" Charley reminded.
"Oh yeah..." Michael quickly stuck a bundle of knives into the machine for them to be wrapped, "You know...we should get my Susan and your Jacob together. If we get them friends while they are young, maybe they'll grow up and fall in love then we'll both be able to pass on blessings without hating the one they wed."
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"So that's why ma and pa fell in love. Cus they were forced into it..." Amber said quietly.
"Of course not, it was a joke we shared between each other....we never knew it would come true. But anyway, don't interrupt me again"
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"Well, that's silly....why would I hate who Jacob marries?" Charley said with a laugh.
"You have a point..." putting the now bundled knives into a box to be shipped. "Oh great...heads up, next batch comin down is the butcher knives"
"Hit the deck!" Charley joked before ducking under a table as a spray of butcher knives littered the floor and conveyor belt.
Michael came out from his hiding spot and grabbed a few butcher knives to be bundled. But before he realized his mistake, he dropped the knives down the chute. How I dispise him....he got the girl of his dreams and pulled me into this stupid job Michael stared at Charley in disgust. But coming out of his thoughts, he realized that he had done the most dangerous thing in the world. If Charley moved toward the chute where the knives were to come out of, he could be seriously hurt.
"Hey Charley, get away from the chute. I accidentally put some butchers down it" Michael said.
Charley looked up at him confused, thinking he said to move toward the chute and to get the butcher knives coming out of it. "What do you think I'm doing...that's my job isn't it?" he questioned confused. What does he mean...does he think I'm not doing my job? the brown-haired man thought.
But as soon as he reached his hand to the chute, about five butcher knives came rushing out of it. He managed to save his hand but his thumb got caught by a blade, causing him to cry out in pain as blood rushed down his hand, his thumb resting peacefully on the belt.
"Why didn't you tell me!? I thought you were my friend! Aren't you even going to look out for me?!"
"Ch-Charley, I did warn you, but you didn't listen" His dark chocolate eyes dimmed and his face paled as Michael realized that he had just cost his friend his thumb.
"Sure you did! Then why didn't I hear you?!" Charley yelled, causing Mr.Little to rush over.
"What happened he- OH MY GOD CHARLEY YOUR THUMB IS GONE!!!" Mr.Little shouted.
"Well nah dip sherlock!!" Charley rushed out of the building and into his car. Michael on his heels.
"I'm so sorry man....I seriously tried warning you-"
"Don't you dare come near me again!" Charley snarled.
"But what about Susan and Jacob?"
"Let them see each other, but I do not want to be in the presence of you again! Never talk to me again, you hear?!" and with that, Charley unlocked his car, got in, and with one final glare at his ex-friend, drove off toward the nearest hospital.
"I hear ya buddy..." Michael whispered before walking back into the building.
--------------------------------------------
"And that's how I lost my thumb. Now off to bed, both of you"
"But Grandpa, the sun hasn't gone down!" Jonathan complained.
But before Charley could reply, 'Dinner!' could be heard from the kitchen and the two kids rushed inside, forgetting completely about the story they just heard.
He took another shot of whiskey and smirked at the sunset.
Horseshoes and hand grenades. Potatoes and gravy. Black and white. That's about how we worked, despite everything, worked. We liked it that way too.
"I still might pay him back for my thumb."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That took me almost an hour to write. I changed the ending a little, changed 'I' to 'he' and put quotes around the last line. It just didn't sound right since the whole story was pretty much a flashback so I wasn't able to write it in first character. So yeah....this was the result of the story. It's probably horrible but oh well. Haha
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:37 am
A family ancedote!! I LIKE it. mrgreen
On that note, last call folks!!!!! The contest will end on Sunday, and voting will begin!!
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:08 am
I had been thinkin of doin somethin with a flashback, then me and a friend got in a fight [hence the two people gettin into a fight and ruinin a great friendship] but I think my fave part about writin that story was the way they talked haha. Old southern is fun....its how my grandpa talks.
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 6:05 am
hmm, could i do my sequel in this contest? or should i do it in the next one you have if you have a next one?
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:43 pm
AndrewBot hmm, could i do my sequel in this contest? or should i do it in the next one you have if you have a next one? Hmmm. Did you write it already?
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:54 am
One thing is for sure, while the life of a mercenary may not be a safe one where you are not guaranteed returning with your limbs intact.
It is definitely a fun one.
Man do I love my job.
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:03 am
TheLithuanianAceofSpades One thing is for sure, while the life of a mercenary may not be a safe one where you are not guaranteed returning with your limbs intact. It is definitely a fun one. Man do I love my job. Raises a glass to ya. :>)
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:17 am
THIS CONTEST IS OVAH!!!!!
Voting will run for seven days, after which..toys will be given!!! mrgreen
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:29 am
Louise the Bump Fairy AndrewBot hmm, could i do my sequel in this contest? or should i do it in the next one you have if you have a next one? Hmmm. Did you write it already? actually no... but i like that ending that ace wrote! do a contest with that one! i'm sure i could do a sequel with that!
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:48 pm
aaww, i'm losing (well, 2nd to last but you know what i mean) and i'm only there cuz i voted for myself... oh well. i'll do better next time smile
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:28 pm
HM...do we get a participation prize? haha, I got one vote cus I voted for myself....but also cus my story is so far back and people prolly don't wanna read all those stories
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:07 pm
haha you two are lucky, mine didn't even go up for voting lol.
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