a note to ******** things up worse.

[Kogru]

bah... os i wrote him this note last night.. and ended up crying for about an hour.

ok... don't even know if you will read this, considering if the information i'm about to present is true, then you most likely won't.

Ok, so... i guess around a month or two ago, i was with a friend.. and then we hung with another friend... and that friend brought you up. I chatted to them about you for a whole 5 seconds, and the person was like "yea.... he hates you... i don't know why though... he just does." and i was like "wouldn't doubt it, most people hate me." But i figured it was just some resentment... or fear of the fact i had a crush on you. But, a week or so later, i was told again. This time by a more reliable source. i wasn't told you hated me... more like loathed the fact i excisted. But i still don't know why. It's been bugging the s**t out of me for the last... while. I can't figure out why. With most people it's easy, the fact that i'm a 'f**', or that their just jealous that i know how to have fun and have no problem making a fool of myself to do so.

I was hoping to catch you on AIM... but i don't have the guts to ask you this, cuz i'm afraid you'd log off, or just block me. And the fact that i won't be in school tomaro makes it more able for me to hide from you.

And look. just tell me why, if you do. If you tell me why, i have no problem leaving you alone. If you want it, i'll never even look in your general direction. I'll stay away from everywhere you usually go, unless i make sure you won't be there. Ok? I don't want to piss anyone off. And i'm in the sort of mood where my emotions are unstable. I just want to know, i don't care if the answer is "yes i ******** hate your guts, i wish you'd go die. I hate you because you like me, and that's just creepy. Stop talking to my friends because if it wasn't for me you would have never met them, i don't even want them to talk about you to me. Just hearing your name makes me want to punch a puppy." I just want to know... okay?

thanks...

TJ

he read it, but didn't respond... i don't know what to do..  

[Kogru]

guess no one cares =/  

[K1T3]

if he doesn't respond then o well move on lol.  

[Kogru]

Well, monday when i saw him... he hid. lol. but i had the best dream a few nights ago. Well, i woke up, and went to school. Went to C hall... and saw DJ. i gave my friends around him hugs and went to go to my friends locker (which i have taken over cuz mines broke) and he put his arms out. I stopped, thinking he was trying to a b***h and not let me go. But he looked at me and put his arms out again, as if to give me a hug. I gave him a hug and he whispered "i'm sorry" in my ear. I backed up and asked him what he ment. He said he was sorry about being a b***h to me. I said it was ok, and he reached into his bag. He pulled out a black hoodie thing. He handed it to me saying "This way, i can be with you always." I was confused. He said "everything will make sense once you check the pocket, and walked off. I put the hoodie on, and reached into the pocket. He left me a note. I read it, and he was telling me he loved me. And stuff. Well, he asked me out... then i woke up.

=[

last day of school was today, and i'm actualy sad. i won't see any of my friends all summer. (thanks to the note. Told dj i woudn't hang 'round his friends anymore.)

bleh...  

[Kogru]

Wows. okay, so today i went to the board walk w. my family, and my friend KayKay called me. she was going to see a show w/ jenn, who was bringing DJ. and iw as like "haha, jsut don't tell him your friends with me or he won't talk to you." but she did, well i was eating fries, and zxoned out. and i could hear her askikng him. then i kinda zoned in. Well i got home and imed her, i had read a post on his xanga from months ago, and it was really.. emotions. DJ was made fun of like me when he was younge, a total outcast. Same as me. Well, she said "i talked to him, he said he was gunna explain it to you, but you blocked him" and i IMed him, but jenn was still there. So now i'm waiting to find out =/  

[Dominique Devlin]

Why can't you hang out with your friends in the summer? ._.  

[Kogru]

The note, said if he wanted, i wouldn't talk to them, or look in his direction.

Btw, i found out why he doesn't like me. He said "it's not that i hate you. Because i don't. And it's not the way you talk, it's what you talk about." because DJ is prude, extremely gorgeus, but prude (no freaking idea how that works). And.. well i talk about sex a lot. =/. So for now, i'm gunna watch my tung and hope that maybe something will happen.

I really do like him. so much. i'd do just about anything for that boy, even if it meant hurting myself.

=/ it's... i dunno. i'm in florida and it's killing me not being close to any of my friends. i just wanna go home =[  

[CrimsonxXxSolace]

Well i wish you the best of luck then! ^_^

I didn't give you any adivce, I'm sorry, but I don't visit this everyday, so i wouldn't know until i read it. Sorry, but I hope you get what you want, him. LOL...  

[Kogru]

haha. thanks pepper. but i know we will never be together. =/  

[Love Volim]

(I have the most crapy spelling ever)
Wow, you really put yourself out there huh?
First of all, never change for someone else. And never hurt yourself for anyone.
Whats up with Chris now? And Tim?
D.J. Seems alittle up tight, and well, nervouse around sexual things... I didnt know there was a guy who didnt like talking about sex... 0.o
You seem to be a great guy. The longer you wait for your "someone" the better they will be.
Good Luck.  

[Kogru]

awh thanks. no idea whats going on wth chris. atm i'm away from home. tim is... working at wawa last i heard.. and has summer school (haha. n00b)

yea... DJ's one in a million. i guess that's what makes me like him more... =[

personaly... i can't tell if he's just girly... or bi or gay =/ i just wanna find out. i mean...

sometimes he acts it. so badly. like... he's a sore looser XD so badly. like he was playing dodge ball with this kid. and the kid won, but threw another ball.. and it hit dj in the head. (that was actualy kinda funy) and dj grabbed it and chucked it back (missing) and started being all "what ever. you win. i don't even want to play" and stormed off. (might i add, he's kinda cute when he's mad ;D). me and his friend were just like "...gah..." and we sat there. then se layed on me... lol. and sometime's he act like, really gay. like once, i was over his friends megans house (who is also a close friend of mine). and we were up in her room just talking. she was in a fight with her mom... so we sat up there. well dj was straightening his hair, and the phone rang. Megan ran off downstairs, so it left me and dj. he was infront of this big mirror straightening his hair... and i was sitting on the floor stairing into the mirror at him. we locked eyes, and he got this big... smile on his face. i had to look away. lol. i just dunno what to do with this boy. from what i know... all the gfs he has had he has never kissed. they had to be like "will someone please hold my hand, since my bf refuses to?" so he would hold their hand. lucky bitches. lol.