I is the screwup

[ALEX you l o s e r]

I'm not really here because I want help, I just wants someone to listen

Lately my world has been growing darker and darker. I'm only in year 8 -I live in Australia- but I've got so many responsibilities placed upon my shoulders I just wanna hide away or disappear for at least two years. And I know this is a bit much to read but idk it would be nice if someone would hear me wholly and not just parts they wanna hear and see. . .

I am the firstborn child in the family and therefor I have to look after my brother along with some other children that get dropped at our house -I babysit for free because my mum and dad and very kind hearted and any "family friend" with a child just drops them off at our house for me to tend to.- I don't get paid to babysit, I just do it and I've told my parents that I'd like some profit for all my time and effort they say that I should just do it because their friends had been there for them. My complain is that my parents are to blind to see that these "family friends" are just taking advantage of their kind nature and its hitting ME hard. I no longer have time for myself or my studies either which leads me to school.

School used to be my favorite place to be but now I dread going through those gates every single week. I have a lot of pressure put on me from my parents, teachers and even friends to become the BEST student. That's the thing, why do I have to be the best? I graduated primary school as the dux -top of all my classes- and now everyone expects me to do it again. My friends are egoists and it gets hard to cope when all I do is average and they're all extravagant genius freaks of nature -I mean that in the nicest of ways-

Friends don't help either. My best friend doesn't know the slightest bit about me and the people I hang out with have never seen the real me outside of school. I have no friends outside of school and the only people I can talk to are my cousins and even their not what I need. I think it was only days before this post that my best friend actually asked about what was happening in my life. I don't usually tell people my problems because I'm scared that if they find out how messed up happy-go-lucky me is than they'll all abandon me and I'll be there sitting by myself while everyone has someone.

That's another thing. I have no one. As in of course I have friends -or at least I think I do- but I have no one love wise. I know I'm only in yr 8 but everyone else has seemed to find someone at least once in their life so far. So why have I never been asked out or why have I never heard the phrase "you look beautiful" from a person of the opposite sex? I don't think I'm ugly, in fact I'm probably a bit more than average. The only thing wrong with me appearance wise is that I don't know how to dress lady like and I have eczema. Do guys have a fear of ungirly dressing chicks with an noncontagious skin problem? I dress up in simple yet complex clothing.

I usually wear black skinnys or a mini skirt with a simple top and arm warmers/net overtop. My hair is black and during holidays -when my friends don't ever see me- my hair is purple and blonde with blue streaks and I love my giant bow clips^^. I'm not "emo" or anything. I don't apply any harm to my body and I hate the stereotype of emo and I'm so hypocritical because I use the stereotype of emo on other people. I just really like the style of clothing. I like how different it is form other people and yeah~

MUSIC! I listen to emo, screamo, metal, garagerock, punkrock, jrock -basically every subgenre under rock- goth cabaret music, techno and indie. My music makes my mum believe I have social issues when in true fact I couldn't care less about what people think of me. My mum is one of those mums who thinks whatever people say matters. I DONT GIVE A s**t WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT ME. They can say I suck but I don't care because I know who I am. My mum is different. Someone says she sucks and she starts world war five thousand.

Well at the moment that's all I'm prepared to share. I wouldn't want to bore you guys any longer with my ******** up life. Enjoy and drop me a comment on my profile if your bored wink  

[Phantasmagoric_001]

You say you don't care what people say or think about you and yet your afraid to tell your friends about your problems. If they were really your friends, they would sympathize with you and possibly help out if they could.  

[minus infinity]

I'm going to start off by saying there are a ton of people that will listen to you and respect you. Including myself. If you ever need someone to vent to, you can talk to me. [:

Second: -hug- I can't help but say I was shocked when I read this. Have a cookie.

#1: For the babysitting, tell your parents again and try to get your point across in a way they can understand. Using "I" statements is extremely helpful, as mere as it seems. "I" statements are things like "I'm upset because..."
"I'm angry because..."
and stuff like that.
If your parents don't understand, talk to the actual people who are bringing over the children. "I have schoolwork to do, I am sorry." you need to assert yourself! Its hard to, but you can do it! -waves flags-

#2: For the friends [pressure to become the best] once again, "I" statements! "I like the way I am." stuff like that will help. people change over time, and you need to show them that. (Referring to the fact you were a dux). And if you need help, ask your friends. Thats what they're for. Never be afraid to tell them about your life. Sure, its a risk, but a real friend will stand by your side through thick and thin. Ever heard the quote "A friend is the person who steps in when the rest of the world steps out"? (or, something similiar to that.)

#3: As for the boyfriend, dress however you want. As long as you're confident, thats what attracts men, not slutty clothing. You need to take your time with finding a lover or "certain someone". As lonely as it is, it really truly pays off in the later years. Its just best to remain single.

And last of all, for music, as long as you don't listen to lyrics that say "Eff I'm going to kill myself", you're good. As closed-minded as I sound, I think music has an extremely huge impact on mood / attitude. When I stopped listening to The Used, and listened to brighter music, it really improves your mood! Even if its only one sad, dreary song, or one instrumental piece, it might really have some sort of effect.

And that is all for now. Sorry if I wasn't much help (or if I came off as a b***h xD)
I wish you the best of luck. heart

 

[ALEX you l o s e r]

Phantasmagoric_001

You say you don't care what people say or think about you and yet your afraid to tell your friends about your problems. If they were really your friends, they would sympathize with you and possibly help out if they could.

That just goes to show how hypocritical I am. But I can sort of justify it. I don't care what strangers and people I don't consider as my friend call me. They can say I'm a suicidal lesbian freak of nature all they want and it wouldn't upset me the slightest. It's my friends I'm afraid to talk to and stuff cos they might start saying I'm a suicidal lesbian freak of nature failure.

That's probably the reason why I like to tell randoms my personal life. That way they either just judge me or they actually help me feel better. I have opened up to one of my friends. I guess she's the only one I trust. Since I moved into high school I've had to make friends with people I haven't known or heard of before but somehow my existing friends already knew them so they got along fine. I'm still in the background and being pushed around and stuff but they've sorta figured out I was there. But they all just know me by what the summed up through my school which is the dux chick that likes black and neon colours who listens to depressing music and has the most un exciting facial expressions.

The friends I used to open up to -as in my best friends- went to a different school to mine. I miss them heaps and I wanna run away just for a little while~ Dunno if anyone else has had that feeling but I'm pretty sure many people have.  

[ALEX you l o s e r]

minus infinity

I'm going to start off by saying there are a ton of people that will listen to you and respect you. Including myself. If you ever need someone to vent to, you can talk to me. [:

Second: -hug- I can't help but say I was shocked when I read this. Have a cookie.

#1: For the babysitting, tell your parents again and try to get your point across in a way they can understand. Using "I" statements is extremely helpful, as mere as it seems. "I" statements are things like "I'm upset because..."
"I'm angry because..."
and stuff like that.
If your parents don't understand, talk to the actual people who are bringing over the children. "I have schoolwork to do, I am sorry." you need to assert yourself! Its hard to, but you can do it! -waves flags-

#2: For the friends [pressure to become the best] once again, "I" statements! "I like the way I am." stuff like that will help. people change over time, and you need to show them that. (Referring to the fact you were a dux). And if you need help, ask your friends. Thats what they're for. Never be afraid to tell them about your life. Sure, its a risk, but a real friend will stand by your side through thick and thin. Ever heard the quote "A friend is the person who steps in when the rest of the world steps out"? (or, something similiar to that.)

#3: As for the boyfriend, dress however you want. As long as you're confident, thats what attracts men, not slutty clothing. You need to take your time with finding a lover or "certain someone". As lonely as it is, it really truly pays off in the later years. Its just best to remain single.

And last of all, for music, as long as you don't listen to lyrics that say "Eff I'm going to kill myself", you're good. As closed-minded as I sound, I think music has an extremely huge impact on mood / attitude. When I stopped listening to The Used, and listened to brighter music, it really improves your mood! Even if its only one sad, dreary song, or one instrumental piece, it might really have some sort of effect.

And that is all for now. Sorry if I wasn't much help (or if I came off as a b***h xD)
I wish you the best of luck. heart

Thanks minus infinity^^ You were a great help and thanks for listening. I've started to cut my mum some slack and I'm listening to more "happy" music but I'm still my normal self. The babysitting thing hasn't been addressed yet but I'm starting to get pissed at some of these mums taking advantage of my parents. -hugs- Oh well at least I'm still alive right? Thats one good thing  

[minus infinity]

l-miho_chan-l

minus infinity

I'm going to start off by saying there are a ton of people that will listen to you and respect you. Including myself. If you ever need someone to vent to, you can talk to me. [:

Second: -hug- I can't help but say I was shocked when I read this. Have a cookie.

#1: For the babysitting, tell your parents again and try to get your point across in a way they can understand. Using "I" statements is extremely helpful, as mere as it seems. "I" statements are things like "I'm upset because..."
"I'm angry because..."
and stuff like that.
If your parents don't understand, talk to the actual people who are bringing over the children. "I have schoolwork to do, I am sorry." you need to assert yourself! Its hard to, but you can do it! -waves flags-

#2: For the friends [pressure to become the best] once again, "I" statements! "I like the way I am." stuff like that will help. people change over time, and you need to show them that. (Referring to the fact you were a dux). And if you need help, ask your friends. Thats what they're for. Never be afraid to tell them about your life. Sure, its a risk, but a real friend will stand by your side through thick and thin. Ever heard the quote "A friend is the person who steps in when the rest of the world steps out"? (or, something similiar to that.)

#3: As for the boyfriend, dress however you want. As long as you're confident, thats what attracts men, not slutty clothing. You need to take your time with finding a lover or "certain someone". As lonely as it is, it really truly pays off in the later years. Its just best to remain single.

And last of all, for music, as long as you don't listen to lyrics that say "Eff I'm going to kill myself", you're good. As closed-minded as I sound, I think music has an extremely huge impact on mood / attitude. When I stopped listening to The Used, and listened to brighter music, it really improves your mood! Even if its only one sad, dreary song, or one instrumental piece, it might really have some sort of effect.

And that is all for now. Sorry if I wasn't much help (or if I came off as a b***h xD)
I wish you the best of luck. heart

Thanks minus infinity^^ You were a great help and thanks for listening. I've started to cut my mum some slack and I'm listening to more "happy" music but I'm still my normal self. The babysitting thing hasn't been addressed yet but I'm starting to get pissed at some of these mums taking advantage of my parents. -hugs- Oh well at least I'm still alive right? Thats one good thing

Glad to help. [:

 

[cool4]

It sounds like the normal pressure of High School. Typical drama. It seems like you want people to notice you for who you are so you try not to go over the top with clothes, make up and what not. I'm like that to. It took a few years but you kind of learn you can't shut out everyone's opinion of yourself. I wouldn't worry about wanting a relationship. I have a Year and just over half left of high school, never been asked out, never called beautiful by a member of the opposite sex. Never had a boyfriend. So I wouldn't worry about it.


You say you dye your hair during holidays maybe step out of the box and have crazy hair for school. It sounds like a cool style you have.


For your parents Use the I statements. If they don't listen try playing a movie for the brats (kids) and do your homework then.  

[Anabethe]

many problems. im surprised you haven't cracked. I will say what i think of each one.
First of all you will have to confront your parents. be warned this might get you grounded. but you have to tell them that you don't want to do it anymore. and if their friends did a lot to them then they could babysit their kids not you. Let them know that your stressed and you need time to do your school work. your only in the 8th grade and the last thing you should be doing is being a babysitter.
Secondly, I know exactly what your going through. the only difference is that i was never an A student. then when i started getting A's and I got 1 C everyone went insane and were telling me how my grades are suffering, expectations drove me insane and i cracked. Work hard and do your best and if someone comes up to you to argue tell them that you are not perfect. and that you have your own expectations. p.s they will think your being a smart a** but it's the truth.
Third. I've been through that one too. actually up to now my friends, and even my best friend still doesn't know the real me. it's kind of sad. I've had a lot of problems with making friends that would listen to me or that i would find trustworthy. so it's understandable. that fear you have is completely normal. but remember this. If your friends ever think of leaving you because of how you feel, then they aren't your friends, and they were only friends with the superficial you. It's hurtful but it's a good way to find out who you can and can't trust.
lol im not laughing at you im just laughing because you have pretty much the same problems i had growing up and it's a coincidence. I will say this much. i didn't find someone i loved till i was 17, it might take a while. some people are lucky and they find true love quickly but don't worry too much about that you will find someone. and I was kind of the same way. I didn't hear that i was very pretty till i was in highschool....and that was a shock to me when i heard it.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for saying that. You have no idea how many topics i've gone into and gave people a piece of my mind telling them that it's a stupid stereotype. you know what it's awesome that you are dressing like you want to. don't let people change you into something you are not.
hahaha yea i listen to a lot of rock people think im disturbed. I just laugh and listen to my songs although sometimes i do get bothered. your doing a great job in not caring what people thinks about you. and about being you. but i think you could do even better if you stand up for yourself a little more.  

[ALEX you l o s e r]

meleny7

many problems. im surprised you haven't cracked. I will say what i think of each one.
First of all you will have to confront your parents. be warned this might get you grounded. but you have to tell them that you don't want to do it anymore. and if their friends did a lot to them then they could babysit their kids not you. Let them know that your stressed and you need time to do your school work. your only in the 8th grade and the last thing you should be doing is being a babysitter.
Secondly, I know exactly what your going through. the only difference is that i was never an A student. then when i started getting A's and I got 1 C everyone went insane and were telling me how my grades are suffering, expectations drove me insane and i cracked. Work hard and do your best and if someone comes up to you to argue tell them that you are not perfect. and that you have your own expectations. p.s they will think your being a smart a** but it's the truth.
Third. I've been through that one too. actually up to now my friends, and even my best friend still doesn't know the real me. it's kind of sad. I've had a lot of problems with making friends that would listen to me or that i would find trustworthy. so it's understandable. that fear you have is completely normal. but remember this. If your friends ever think of leaving you because of how you feel, then they aren't your friends, and they were only friends with the superficial you. It's hurtful but it's a good way to find out who you can and can't trust.
lol im not laughing at you im just laughing because you have pretty much the same problems i had growing up and it's a coincidence. I will say this much. i didn't find someone i loved till i was 17, it might take a while. some people are lucky and they find true love quickly but don't worry too much about that you will find someone. and I was kind of the same way. I didn't hear that i was very pretty till i was in highschool....and that was a shock to me when i heard it.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for saying that. You have no idea how many topics i've gone into and gave people a piece of my mind telling them that it's a stupid stereotype. you know what it's awesome that you are dressing like you want to. don't let people change you into something you are not.
hahaha yea i listen to a lot of rock people think im disturbed. I just laugh and listen to my songs although sometimes i do get bothered. your doing a great job in not caring what people thinks about you. and about being you. but i think you could do even better if you stand up for yourself a little more.

LOL seems like the weird wacky world just copeid and pasted your life onto mine xDD -in a good deranged way- ^^ It's helpful to know someone else has been through what I have. Haha the rock thing amuses me though bt it does get a bit annoying. My class is made up of mainly hip hop, rnb and rap followers. Not that theres anything wrong with the genres its just that I grew up with rock and wuvvs eet xDD but they don't so they bag me out as the suicidal lesbian freak emo >< /sigh/ but its funny though cos i made one listen to my music and they started jumping around air guitaring with me and since then shes become my friend^^
I've changed my dressing though. My mums always been hinting at me to change my fashion xDD -she buys me frilly pink things I don't even know if their meant to be tops or bottoms ><- so I wear some just to humor her and some of my friends. Now I don't really get called the devil worshipper or dike and yeahh. Which probably is a good sign razz  

[Anabethe]

l-miho_chan-l

meleny7

many problems. im surprised you haven't cracked. I will say what i think of each one.
First of all you will have to confront your parents. be warned this might get you grounded. but you have to tell them that you don't want to do it anymore. and if their friends did a lot to them then they could babysit their kids not you. Let them know that your stressed and you need time to do your school work. your only in the 8th grade and the last thing you should be doing is being a babysitter.
Secondly, I know exactly what your going through. the only difference is that i was never an A student. then when i started getting A's and I got 1 C everyone went insane and were telling me how my grades are suffering, expectations drove me insane and i cracked. Work hard and do your best and if someone comes up to you to argue tell them that you are not perfect. and that you have your own expectations. p.s they will think your being a smart a** but it's the truth.
Third. I've been through that one too. actually up to now my friends, and even my best friend still doesn't know the real me. it's kind of sad. I've had a lot of problems with making friends that would listen to me or that i would find trustworthy. so it's understandable. that fear you have is completely normal. but remember this. If your friends ever think of leaving you because of how you feel, then they aren't your friends, and they were only friends with the superficial you. It's hurtful but it's a good way to find out who you can and can't trust.
lol im not laughing at you im just laughing because you have pretty much the same problems i had growing up and it's a coincidence. I will say this much. i didn't find someone i loved till i was 17, it might take a while. some people are lucky and they find true love quickly but don't worry too much about that you will find someone. and I was kind of the same way. I didn't hear that i was very pretty till i was in highschool....and that was a shock to me when i heard it.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for saying that. You have no idea how many topics i've gone into and gave people a piece of my mind telling them that it's a stupid stereotype. you know what it's awesome that you are dressing like you want to. don't let people change you into something you are not.
hahaha yea i listen to a lot of rock people think im disturbed. I just laugh and listen to my songs although sometimes i do get bothered. your doing a great job in not caring what people thinks about you. and about being you. but i think you could do even better if you stand up for yourself a little more.

LOL seems like the weird wacky world just copeid and pasted your life onto mine xDD -in a good deranged way- ^^ It's helpful to know someone else has been through what I have. Haha the rock thing amuses me though bt it does get a bit annoying. My class is made up of mainly hip hop, rnb and rap followers. Not that theres anything wrong with the genres its just that I grew up with rock and wuvvs eet xDD but they don't so they bag me out as the suicidal lesbian freak emo >< /sigh/ but its funny though cos i made one listen to my music and they started jumping around air guitaring with me and since then shes become my friend^^
I've changed my dressing though. My mums always been hinting at me to change my fashion xDD -she buys me frilly pink things I don't even know if their meant to be tops or bottoms ><- so I wear some just to humor her and some of my friends. Now I don't really get called the devil worshipper or dike and yeahh. Which probably is a good sign razz

lol yea it is pretty funny. ^_^ I was the same way. but i grew up with r&b and rap. then in my junior year in highschool i started listening to rock. then people thought i was just diabolic, and sad. ah well. I just didn't change and now they are use to it ^_^. I am dressing like a rocker now and my mom HATES IT. she's threatening to not wash my clothes if i buy shirts with skulls. but im going to buy what i like anyways. i guess i will just have to get up myself and wash my clothes from now on. A lot of people are really closed minded. and my goal now is to dress how i want and show people who i really am that way they will get rid of the stupid stereotype on their own. I wish you luck. i know you will be able to survive, idiots that call you names.  

[Havoc Fury Magnus]

I don't have any good advice about the home life, but with friends and other social stuff all i got to say is; don't be afraid to be yourself, I finally decided to be me when i got fed up pretending all the time; now even my mom finally got used to my style which is mainly goth. Funny thing too is my co-workers, they have no problem with the real me or my friends.

Bottom line is, don't be afraid to be yourself around your family and friends, their bound to get use to it and if not, tough, you are you and nothing can change that be proud of who you are and flaunt it.  

[Katsura Zanshin]

Your life sounds like mine, and for that I'm sorry. I know how much stress you're under, and it's not fun.

For your home life, you should just keep talking to your parents. Put your foot down if you have to. Make a schedule where you show that these particular times are for your studies, and you absolutely cannot babysit during those times.

As for school, relax. Do your best and accept the grades you get, good or bad. As long as you did your best, you'll have the sence of accomplishment you deserve, and it'll cut down on your stress.

Friends I can't really help you with. None of my friends know me for me either. And it's hard for me to open up about myself without revealing all the baggage that comes with me, and that made me who I am. So if you want your friends to know the real you, I'd say you're very brave and a much better person than I am.

Boys...I've had boys say I'm pretty, then turn around and cheat on me, or use me to get to one of my friends, so I don't really count it. Don't necessarily go by what they say. If someone really loves you and thinks you're beautiful, they'll show you more often than they'll say it.

As for clothing and music, I'm with you there. Listen to what you like, and wear what you like. What people think about you due to musical and 'fashion' tatses should have no bearing on your self image what so ever. So I'm very glad that you don't let people (parents, friends, random people who'll try to make fun of you) tell you what you like.  

[G0d_0f_R0ck]

okay so as for ur guy question do we fear chicks not dressing up girly girly no in fact personally i wish chicks weren't so into there clothing i wish all chicks would just wear any random t-shirt and jeans. as for why no one has asked u out i got nothing. if there is someone u like and u know they're single try taking the inicitave and ask him out. do you have a saddie hawkins dance (dance where girls are supposed to ask out boys) if so that would be the perfect tim if not ask him out anyway movie beach whatever. that's about all i got to say on the matter  

[CottonCandy32650]

Talk to some one you REALLY trust well, like a family member or a friend. If it were me I would talk to my friend Emma. Anyway, if you dont want to talk to a friend or family member, talk to a counselor. They will always listen, nut they will NEVER laugh at you. Trust me, talking helps. Good luck!  

[LikeRawrrAndStuff]

Ok, I know this post is like 3 moths late but oh well, i'm posting anyway cause I care ^_^
1) I'm in year 10-Britain-so I am not loads older than you.
2) Stress=Not good! I know what you mean, I am studying for my GCSE's so I have loads of pressure on me to do well because I always have in the past. All my targets are A/A*. But enough about me. You need to find something you really love so that you can de-stress. I find music helps me a lot. But you could be different to me.
3) Not many of my best friends know much about me, only about three of them know whats really going on in my head. And some others that are on Gaia. My friends on Gaia are so much easier to talk to, so why don't you try talking to your friends on Gaia.
4) I only got asked out for the first time last year. And I said yes but it was a big mistake. Don't rush into things, My friends pressured me because I hadn't gone out with anyone but when I did it was totally the wrong thing. I wear black skinnies a lot too, lol! I don't dreaa very emo though, i'm sort of my own style.
5) Dont worry about being stereotyped, I am called emo or hippie a lot because i'm into peace and all that and I dress a bit emo, even my mum called me an Emo!
6) Music is your own thing, like what you want to like. I like almost everything, but I listen to more rock than anything else. It doesn't matter what other people think of you, as long as you are happy. Just try and ignore your mum, she obviously doesn't get you.
Finally, Hugs! You sound like you need one, to be honest! Hope this helped, if you acctually read it =D