crazy relationship issues

[Firestormuk]

Sorry long post my mind is so screwed up just wanted to talk about it :S

Need some advice I was with this girl for a few months over the holidays and had a great time but before I went off to uni I ended up breaking up with her, my problem is that I said that she was controlling, I was getting really depressed as she was having a tough time in her life and it affected me and made me upset. Like looking after one of her sisters kids and it made my parents worried if I was staying with her I would suddenly have a kid but that has changed now. My parents then really pushed me to get to it and break up. I don’t know if it was really me who wanted to break with her or my parents. I seem to be in a split frame of mind is my girlfriend controlling me or are my parents.

I tried to ignore her and forget but I couldn;t I got talking to her again when I was at uni and she came up again and we got back together and I had some of the best times of my life but when it came to Christmas she was concerned that I was always putting my parents first over her and that if I don;t go over to hers on Christmas then it isn;t worth being together. Is this a crazy thing to say. I said no to this at first, but then after we had a troubled time I said yes I would and then was worried cause I knew I would have to tell my parents that I had been seeing her again. I was really scared and chickened out, cause I was so scared of how they would react and act towards me. When I was at home I was a different person I dunno if was the effect of depression cause of tough times this this girl or that she is some sorta forbidden word in my household and so I had to keep everything hidden from her just like this new relationship. I today broke up with her again and said I wasn;t going to hers on Christmas. But I am having doubts that that is really what I want or if it is just want I would want to make my parents happy or what my parents would want.

I am worried I have been getting some sorta split personality this is just breaking me apart a part of me sais leave her stay with my parents my other half sais stay she is the most amazing person I have ever met.

I am scared that if I ever got another girl she would not be as amazing or my parents would push me away from her. I was very shielded and innocent before I went to uni but I came back suddenly dating girls and above my earlier mental age. I am hoping to see a counseler soon to talk to a neutral party about my feelings. She isn;t gonna tell her family I am not going for a bit so i got some time to ring back saying I wanna go but I know if I tell my parents about it they will get upset and tell me off and say never see her again, and the weak confused person I am I will prob suddenly change my mind and not want to go. But I don’t know if that is what I really want. It just seems like it is my parents or her.

I have been so confused I don;t know if I love her cause I seem to treat her so bad through this confusion

Just wish i could live with her in peice without having to worry about what my parent and everyone think about her its prob true what she sais if I lived alone I would still be with her
My problem is that being at uni I am all alone in my room with no one to talk to feel so alone, so I need that conselor too scared to even tell my family how I am feeling which I hope doesn’t sum it up sad  

[Kiradalia]

No, I wouldn't say you're getting a split personality disorder. It's more like...Your mind is being pulled in different directions. However, you need to do what you want to do! Not what anyone else is telling you. Do you love that girl? Then stick with her! Or, if you agree with your parents and say that it's best to leave that relationship alone, don't see her anymore. And just because you may treat her bad sometimes, that doesn't mean you don't love her. Remind of her of that from time to time, okay? But I say you do what you want! Don't let anything keep you from whom you love! Even if it's your parents, they're still your parents! They'll love you anyway, right? ...I hope I helped...