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Hello, upon reading this you may feel that the decision is clear, however I take my time making decisions and I can be easily swayed from one decision to another, so I sit on the fence for long periods of time until I topple over. Makes my life pretty complicated because I tend not to actually choose to leap over to one side and end up regretting it, feeling the entrapment within the fence upon which I once sat.
Here's the sitch: I'm in a relationship with originally a squatter(?) that I don't want to be in because of money.
I've been looking for a roommate since just before the signing of my last lease in October. Couple of weeks later and old college ex notified me that he and his family were moving to my city. I remain friends with most of my exes, so I figured we'd hang out sometime. We did. Eventually, the notion to let him move in and become my roommate (because I suck at rooming with other girls) cropped up. He said he was going into the military, so we decided he'd move in after boot camp which would hopefully happen by February.
His parents, however, put a rush on him moving out, gave him 30 days. I agreed to take him in when that happen, so long as he continued to get into the military. He moved into my one-bedroom with me. He slept on the sofa bed. Military idea slides out the window, he gets a fast food job instead to start paying me half the rent, he starts making advances toward me.
I asked him numerous times how he'd feel about me talking to other guys, inviting other guys over with us living together, he said it was cool. I knew I'd be going over to the guys' houses more often now, but I wanted his opinion and every time he said it could work ( I mean, look at 2 Guys and a Girl, amirite?).
One night, we went out drinking and dancing, and in my sloshed state back at the house I agreed to sleep with him. After all that pressure, I figured sleeping together and living together meant I'd agreed to date him again. Of course, it didn't have to, but the guys I was talking to weren't panning out anyway.
The problem was that I wasn't ready for another relationship, but I let him talk me into one anyway. He had this way of piercing my feelings and seeing through this shell/wall I'd built after I'd been hurt and excommunicated by my friends for a (I guess) taboo sexual affair with another friend's ex while she had moved on to another relationship. I saw his way of getting me to feel again as an excuse to agree to the relationship.
The other night, I had a dream that involved spaghetti in one part, and cherubs trying to break into my window dumbfounding me to my bed in the second part. I looked up all those symbols and they all point to getting out of a messy relationship.
I'm still stuck on the fence though. On the one hand, I've invested a lot into helping him get on his feet so he can help with more than just the rent, but also the bills and groceries as my roommate, and he's helping me realize my life goals and grow as a person. On the other hand, I hate being in a serious relationship right now. I asked for a bloody roommate, maybe a friend, but I specifically said I didn't want a relationship several times before and during moving him in. I feel like he could still do all he is for my growth and I for his independence without us being all lovey over each other. I don't want sex, I don't want kisses, I don't want to be responsible for dinner, I don't always want to spend the evenings together. I find myself spending more time at work to get away from him/home, not working, just hanging there, maybe helping out in minute ways.
Now he's proposed moving into a better two-bedroom apartment. If I move, I won't be approved for another apartment because I don't make three times the rent as they require. We will, once his internship becomes a full time position, but if I want to move out, I'll have to have gotten a better salary than 1.2 times the rent.
I wish I had stuck by my word in the beginning, but as I said, I'm not good at that. Tis why I don't answer hypothetical questions much anymore. I never know what I'm really going to do until it's done. I'm wishy-washy crying
I don't even know what I'm asking of you if you've managed to read all this.
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