Help me put order in my life?

[zynii]

My father told me that there is no such thing as a friend.
My mother is ashamed of me.
They don't realize the fact I can draw.

My family is falling apart, getting a distant from each other and proverty.

My 'friends' abandoned me because I didn't like the 'cool pretty popular' girl.

That girl used to be my best friend.

My ex- best friend told rumours about me.

I found out that five or so of my friends only liked me because of her.

I know that all my other friends that are saying things about me because I'm not as mature as them. But I stay with them anyway because it's al I have left.

Something terrible happened to me when I was five and only last year I realized that it was bad.
Now I think I was so stupid..

I also realized how much I was taken advantage, how stupid I was for being happy, how idiotic I was because I thought that I was over peer pressure.

I usually get a feeling exactly like the when my 'friends' looked at me blankly then dropping their heads as if I was never there.

I used to self mutilate myself and I hate myself right now even more because of that. It's been on and off lately though.

Somedays I can be an insonmiac, not sleeping for a day or two.

I'm starting HS in a too large of a school with no one I know.

I can take from two to six pills a day because they make me 'better'.

I'm labled as a door mat half the time.

I try to be happy about myself but I can't.
I try to be content but I can't.



Can you help please?  

[Impish Desires]

Friendship is something that can be bought, traded, sold.... It's sad but it's true. Some people just see friends as items. I hate to make it sound so gloomy but it tis true now a days.

Going to a huge new highschool can help you out. You could make new friends, maybe ones that are a bit more old fashioned and value friendship more than what most people see it as. Try hanging out with different people and not just the popular-ish people.

I don't really know how to help you out with your family... I'd say just keep drawing and maybe they'll notice some day.

I don't really blame you for not being the happiest person but I don't think those pills will help you forever. Just try a few new things like activities or whatnot. I really hope you get a fresh new start in the new highschool.  

[CrimsonxXxSolace]

keep drawing...even if they don't realize your talent....it seems that the only thing right now that can help is to draw...don't get me wrong i draw all the time....and beside if they don't realize it....show it to us...i'm sure we'll support you for your talent...of course i know it's different gettin encouraged to draw from people online and not your family...but sometimes you just have to do it by yourself and get accepted....sorry that's all i can think of right now....i hope you'll keep drawing! and i hope i would see some of your works soon kay?? sorry if i'm scarying you! LOL...i don't mean to scare you, just to help you!  

[zynii]

I don't hang out with 'popular' people.
It's just that my last school is only an eighth of my new high shool.

My art does get encouraged online.

But it isn't enough for me.
It does feel nice.
But when something you spent eight hours one gets ignored because of a TV show it really put you down.  

[CrimsonxXxSolace]

lol..i don't like to hang out with the popluar crew too...i can't even stand them...LOL....wow...I'm sorry to hear that....i've never spent time working on just a piece of artwork that long...I'm sorry....yes i hate being ignore over stuff like that....but i'm used to it by now..i'm sorry i can't really help you with....but if you want to talk...pm me kay??  

[Lunar-moonshine]

first of all true friendship does exist, but in high school you have to find a truly special person to understand that, friendship is partially unconditional, (i know that is close to an oxymoron) but being a friend means you like to spend time with them, because in a way you love them, you tell each other things, you smile about past experiences, you ask advice from them, and when you need it you have a shoulder to cry on. and it is in the hard times when you find out somtimes you need to start again, so you are going to a new high school? perfect, you dont have any preset ideals about you, this is your chance to show who you are, dont "try to fit in" that will put you in the same spot you are now, i know this sounds corny but just be yourself, you'll find someone, oh adn join some clubs! it is a great way to meet people with your same intrests, adn keep Drawing, that is your escape, that is your vent and it sounds like you enjoy it, so just keep it up! and just as a note, a friend of mine just commited Suicide, it hurts, more than you realize, enen the people who you see now as jerks who were your friends will still be hurt, i know you dont think so but they will, you have touched their lives, never forget the good times you have had and keep with you the bad times, it is good to learn from them but dont let them control you, just be who you want to be, yourself!  

[V For V]

Hello there. You sound a lot like me..

In school I didn't have a single friend until eighth grade. Around here, that's High School grade level.

And even then my friends left me for drugs and popularity. All except for a girl who was homeschooled. She came to my High School in the nineth grade and I accepted her when no one else would. Now she's off in college and more successful than she ever thought she'd be.

As a child I had some mental problems that got in the way of my learning. That couple with the improper medication given to me, isolated me from all of the other kids. I started flunking, becoming depressed, and losing my care for life.

I drew, I still draw, and I think that and my own self-respect are what kept me from suicide.

Kids spat on me, fought me, and degraded me in almost every way possible.

My parents, who looked right past the fact that my meds were wrong, treated me horribly and did not understand me whatsoever. That is especially hard for a child whose mother is a child services social worker. She works with troubled kids for a living and didn't even do one damn thing to help her own. And a father who is a police officer..

I graduated High School last month and I must say people have certainly matured. A prep from Junior High now works as a waitress in Bob Evans and couldn't be more unhappy with her job. Especially since she had to wait on me.

I have my life together even though I have no friends I can visit. I still draw. I create music. I write.. And I am enrolling into college with classes that begin on the 29th.

I guess you just have to chin up and realize that tomorrow can be good or bad. You just have to stay alive to see which it is.  

[MidgetOfFury]

I'm terribly sorry to hear your story, girls often treat each other like s**t I know... My only suggestion is to try making friends with boys, it may sound a bit weird but honestly guys are more accepting and, at least in my opinion, far more trustworthy than girls.
A girl I considered a best friend once decided to have sex with a guy she knew I was in love with, and basically told me to get over myself when she found out I was hurt.... actually, thats happened to me twice...
That's not my only reason for saying women can be real bitches, but we should be talking about you, not me, eh?
Anyways, almost all of my close friends are guys now, they don't backstab or talk s**t, and if they don't really like someone, they'll tell them. Sure I still have girlfriends, but I don't tell them anything they could hurt me with, don't let them get too close. (unless they can really earn my trust)
Again I'm sorry to hear your story, I know my advice doesn't do much for your entire situation, but it's a start right?
I hope this helps you a bit, and I'm sorry if it doesn't...
PM me sometime if you'd like...

heart Amy The Midget Of Fury  

[Spikin]

I don't have friends. I have people I talk to, people I hang around and people that let me borrow my stuff. but if they left, I wouldn't miss them. Your real friends are the people who would stand up against King Kong for you.

I hate myself for what I am. Often I have thoughts of suicide but I don't let it rule me. The one ting i know is if I don't become my own person soon there going to be blood shed. Having said this you can live a false life which will buy you temporary happieness like almost everybody or you can be reall and make yourself happy but you'll be miserable for awhile.  

[Duchessa]

This is what you have to do: live like how you use to! No matter what happens the only thing you can control is your attitude, if you are positive then good things will come your way (could be friendship from people you never knew existed) but at the very least you will be happier than before. Have you tried excercising? It works, go out and run until you drop on the ground breathing (especially at night), it gives you energy and helps you get better sleep. If you do what I said I can promise you a happier and healthier life!