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 Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:17 pm
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Well, I'll put it bluntly. My life is kinda hectic. At first, it always seemed so happy.
When I was younger, I was happy. I was careless. But, there was something I never knew of. My father was abit abusive of my mother, so they divored early, and she started seeing someone else.
He was nice, and he cared. Sure, he drank, but was never abusive. He HATED to strike anyone. Unless he was fighting a guy. Then that was a different story.
Anyways, they were dating as I was growing up. I really liked him. I even called him "Stepdad, Dad, Daddy", and other things. He taught me many things... excet the truth.
You see... they were druggies. Mom and Jody smoked, drank, and they did drugs without my knowledge. I never knew what they did. We even lived next to some crackheads, but I didn't know.
That family of crackies were nice to me. They babysitted me at times. But, they also stole from me. So, fast forward to the present. Months back, I learned something terrible.
You know how parents make money from Child Support checks, and welfare and such? Well, that's what I was there for. A fast buck. Mom and Jody always treated me so well... so they could keep getting their s**t.
My whole entire life... I was USED for drug money. Like I was a coupon, or a food ticket. I was SHOT into depression from hearing it. Naturally, I was already depressed because of high school, jealousy towards the couples there, and obviously, girls.
But, it just got worse. For the next few months, I masked my depression, and bottled it up. But, I never could go to self-mutilation. I always tried, but failed. It only grew worse.
That's when my mom started running, and I just kept getting worse. Then, at summer's end, I was getting happy. You know what? Right back into depression. The girls were even worse this year. I just tried with them, and failed miserably.
Then, just recently, last friday, I tried to be unique. I donned an outfit of all black. Also, I wore these sleeve warmers from my favorite store, Hot Topic.
So, I wore this outfit, just wanting to go through the day, without a problem. Guess what? Insulted much? Hell Yeah! My friends, and even people I don't know told me I was gay, asked me if I was gay, or even came up with other s**t.
I was outraged. I got a few nice comments, but otherwise, it was horrible. I got so mad, that I felt like suicide was better. But, I decided becoming a goth might show better. Even though it might not, I thought so.
Any advice?
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:23 pm
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Well, I hate reading these things because of how horrible it sounds, but I say, if people don't like you, screw them! If you like yourself the way you are, then stay that way, as well, if your parents are drug heads and that, move in with an aunt, or uncle and try girls at a different school, get a new start, you know?
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:26 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:29 pm
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Yeah, but those friends that laughed at you, called you gay, if they weren't joking, and even if they were it still wasn't nice, I'm a 6 ft 4, intelligent, RPG crazy mathematician, I'm often picked on, but those few minutes a day, roleplaying in the library with my friends, well I wouldn't give that up for anything, I could use a girlfriend, but ehh it'll happen when it happens, one of my philosophies is "Wait for the good to come, at the end of the bad, it can't get worse" Right? Stay optimistic, and if it gets bad, get someone to stick a wet carpet over you and use your energy trying to burst out of it, oh I added you to MSN if you wanna chat! ^_^
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:58 pm
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