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 Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 3:04 am
This is going to sound a little pathetic.
Two of my close friends have recently began liking each other a lot and are planning on dating very soon. I'm happy for them, however, I'm afraid that I'll be left out more, before we were all very close, and then they continued becoming closer and I was like... forgotten.... I always felt on the outside and now I'll be even further outside. Another thing that bothers me with them going out, is that if it ends badly, then they wont be talking to each other anymore, and then I'll get stuck in the middle. ((It happened before with the same guy but another girl, they broke up badly and if I was caught talking to one, the other got jealous, so I just gave up.)
Anywayz, should I just be happy for them, and pretend like nothing is bothering me, or should I tell them how I am feeling.
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Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:45 pm
pretending is never good. u really shouldn't hide things, but don't attempt to make them stop dating, either. and to avoid the whole "being stuck in the middle" issue, u should make it crystal clear to them that if something were to happen, they CANNOT! get mad at u for sumthing they did and it involves them. if u have plans with one, and the other asks u to do sumthin, u do whatever was decided FIRST. and make plans for another day with the other. u can't let them do that, getting u in the middle, bcs of sumthin that happend between them, and they cannot use u to get the other jelous [that's what it seems like when they "play tug o' war'' with u as the rope]. as for being left out, tell them. if they are trully ur friends, they shouldn't make a big deal out of this. it's just a feeling, and if they really care about u, they should try sumthin to fix it. BUT DON'T TELL AND/OR SUGGEST THAT THEY SHOULDN'T DATE!!! that'll turn them against u, i think.
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Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:24 pm
I agree with Sotur. Tell them how you feel. Pretending 'all is fine and dandy' when it's not WILL drive you insane.
Don't try to drive them away from eachother, they WILL get mad at you for it, making things worse and more complicated than they need to be.
Now, in case of a bad messy break up (not saying it will happen, since they don't all end badly*).... try to get it through their skulls-" I HAD NO PART IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP." if they still get on your case about it, just let them vent, Not attack you, just vent.
About feeling left out, I know how you feel there, except there is no lovey dovey stuff going on with my friends. Just try to find other people to hang out when they can't be around. Dont ditch them! Try a new hobby or something to meet some more people
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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 2:40 pm
A couple of my friends have gone out, but we've all been okay with it afterwards. Then again, my friends and I are really strange. But I know where your comming from, it makes us that aren't in the relationship feel left out. Just tell them how you feel- it'll make things a lot easier between you guys. Like the others have said pretending its okay is not a good choice. Make it clear that you are NEVER EVER to be the middle man if things don't go well. Again, like the others have said, it's not a good idea to tell them not to date. That'll get you a one way ticket to lonely land.
I'm kind of the outside person on my over-all big group of friends too, and I know that it's hard. Just try and stay in touch and interact a lot with them. That's what I do.
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