What do you think?

[Stunted Life]

The silence eats away at me
just like the mares of night called dreams
if you decide youw ant to see
how I lack a light-like beam
you'll have to come much closer still
or at least until the night is here
I don't care if you've had your fill
you wanted to, now face all fear
Once upon a time I was trapped
yet now I face a demon wrath
away never will it choose to go
I'm stuck now dancing to and fro
while music plays far it will be
hark- wait for the day I am free

 

[Stunted Life]

The blood now drips upon the floor
staingint he tiles once white
yet still a cry for more and more
brings the red to light

you thought that this was just a game?
look again- I'm still inside this dream built cage
trapped by nightmares none can tame
to what use will you aid your Rage?

The gun is heavy in my hands
am I right or am I wrong?
I pull the trigger for my final stand
Peace... The fond are-

 

[Stunted Life]

I've received minimal feed back in other guilds and I was a bit curious how it would turn out here. A lot of people have liked the second but the first is something no one else can seen yet.

Feel free to critique or bash it if you hate it.  

[GC rox 4 eva]

that was very good. a lot of your emotions were in thier which is good.  

[Fey_Glory]

Yes, the emotion is a big part of poetry and you can feel it just beaming from those poems, I love them both, I don't think many will bash them, they're just too good!! ^^