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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:50 am
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So, I'm having a bit of an issue lately. About 2 years ago, my father underwent gender reassignment surgery. For those of you who don't know what that means, my dad, became a woman. My mom decided to stay with him/her throughout all this, which forced me to stay as well. I don't agree with what my father did, not because of what s/he did, but because of the lies I was told, and the utter torment of what s/he put my family through (We live in a small town, so we lived in the closet, telling lies about our family). I still have alot of anger towards that, and I'm in the position to just walk out of dealing with it. However, I've been told by my mom that if I choose to cut my father out of my life, I choose to cut her out too. I'm confused...I don't even know what to do... I love my mom, but I don't know if I can deal with my other parent because of our history...
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:21 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:31 pm
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earthbound_87 So, I'm having a bit of an issue lately. About 2 years ago, my father underwent gender reassignment surgery. For those of you who don't know what that means, my dad, became a woman. My mom decided to stay with him/her throughout all this, which forced me to stay as well. I don't agree with what my father did, not because of what s/he did, but because of the lies I was told, and the utter torment of what s/he put my family through (We live in a small town, so we lived in the closet, telling lies about our family). I still have alot of anger towards that, and I'm in the position to just walk out of dealing with it. However, I've been told by my mom that if I choose to cut my father out of my life, I choose to cut her out too. I'm confused...I don't even know what to do... I love my mom, but I don't know if I can deal with my other parent because of our history...
wow.. rather a unique situation you have here. right off the top I agree your father should be accepted for what he is. I think it's a wonderful thing that your mother has the strength of love to accept this monumental change. I honestly dont think I could do it myself... as much as I like and respect gay folks.. I'm straight.. and if I married straight that is how I'd expect it to be and wouldnt be happy suddenly waking up every morning with another woman next to me. I hope it doesnt prove to be too much for her.
I dont know what the lies you mentioned were about.. so I guess my next opinion should really depend on that.. what were the nature of these lies exactly? whatever the case may be, maybe try to cultivate the attitude of understanding and compassion of what internal conflict your father had been going thru coupled with living in a small closed-minded town possibly filled with nosey neighbors who would be mercilessly judgemental. perhaps he lied to you because maybe he feared you'd lose respect for him as well. your father is human and making mistakes (which includes bad judgement calls) is a human trait. it's only hind sight that has 20/20 vision. but I dont know. I'd need to know the nature of the lies he told you to better understand.
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:40 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 6:02 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 6:34 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:52 am
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newtypephynix hmmm... interesting. Well. Your 'Father' was the blood from which you sprang to being, wether you like it or not, and, ALL humans live with lies, lies will always and forever dance around the truth like little tribal primates. Your 'Father' is happy? right? Why can you not be glad that some of the lies are over? is it not selfish to even consider abandoning those whom you once called 'Family'? I turned my back on family ties. I would give my eyes to change it to how it was...You are never utterly alone until you are without Family. My advice is given with thoughts on the hard times I endured, that I belief no other should endure when faced with a choice. Stay, Forgive. Love. Hard it may be, But all roads lead to Hardship. only few may lead to hapiness.
crying He speaks the truth. Forgive her. The worst thing you can do is ostracize yourself from your family. You doing that may well cause the very foundations to begin to crumble, leading to the entire family not speaking to one another for a while.
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:37 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 4:42 pm
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