...
Well.. Here's the thing.
I'm a 14 year old.
Yeah, so just starting to read this you may automatically think "Oh, it's a young teen going through a few issues so she'll be fine. She's just growin' up"
But.. I've been through a bit. I know a pretty good amount of things that deal with the aspects of life and it's true and cruel realities. And I know that we keep alive just to experiance what few great things life's got to offer. Living life to it's fullest.
And here's the problem...
Say for an example.
Ye'h, you're the young teen, the kind that's been through a little too much.
You've turned into a somewhat bi polar, more than two-faced, manipulative decieving person.
You've gone through and know enough to which you can even see through to a person's soul (And by that I mean judge them and find out exactly what they're all about just from hearing their voice), analyze any problem and solve it with in an instant, and speak and take action with such words to which you can convince and make and/or advise anyone to do what's right or even wrong. You know about Love, the one thing that majority of the world cannot define, but you can. You know about religion and the conflicts it brings. And all the sacrifices and most of the hardships in life.
You've been through it and well enough to which you can almost even see "what'll happen next, and what action will bring these chain of events."
You've been there and done most of that, you used to be the bully, you used to be the caring person. And everything inbetween.
But what happens when after all that, you feel like life is getting pointless again?
And so now I feel I'm runnin' blind.
I know it's no state of depression, or denial... I certainly don't feel that way. And life doesn't seem blank or empty, nothing of that sort. But life doesn't seem happy and exciting either. Even though everything is somewhat alright.
But would if your heart just doesn't want to do crap anymore?
It doesn't want to be mean. But it doesn't want to care?
And your mind enters this state of emptiness.
Almost like a black void.
It's strange...
I've a boyfriend.. who I love ever so much... Cause he's the one who's keeping me from falling into this mental crisis. He's cared for me so much and I care for him. And I don't want to leave him... cause I fear if I do... My mind and soul would sublime into a state of pure emptiness... and he might go through the same, or worse... and I don't want that...
But I feel as if... everything is all still going away...
People I know and loved ones are dropping dead like flies recently...
But I feel no saddness. No pain.
And there is much conflict and drama going around me, and happening to my loved ones and friends as well...
I give my advice as usual, and help them out of it...
But it doesn't make me happy anymore. I don't feel that good feeling for when you help someone, and that action usually makes you feel great about yourself. Like you've made a great accomplishment.
But I feel like I just don't mind it anymore.
I've fought for life and the good things in life. I've suffered and sacrificed to keep what I've got. To keep hold of what few treasures I have in life. My family. My loved ones.
I am Gothic and a sinful Christian (Catholic if you may.), and all that cutting crap. I don't cry. However
I am weak. But persistant enough to keep going through life, no matter how painful it is or was, or how blank it is and more plain and white it's becoming now.
So I just want to know... What do any of you think will happen?...
Well.. Here's the thing.
I'm a 14 year old.
Yeah, so just starting to read this you may automatically think "Oh, it's a young teen going through a few issues so she'll be fine. She's just growin' up"
But.. I've been through a bit. I know a pretty good amount of things that deal with the aspects of life and it's true and cruel realities. And I know that we keep alive just to experiance what few great things life's got to offer. Living life to it's fullest.
And here's the problem...
Say for an example.
Ye'h, you're the young teen, the kind that's been through a little too much.
You've turned into a somewhat bi polar, more than two-faced, manipulative decieving person.
You've gone through and know enough to which you can even see through to a person's soul (And by that I mean judge them and find out exactly what they're all about just from hearing their voice), analyze any problem and solve it with in an instant, and speak and take action with such words to which you can convince and make and/or advise anyone to do what's right or even wrong. You know about Love, the one thing that majority of the world cannot define, but you can. You know about religion and the conflicts it brings. And all the sacrifices and most of the hardships in life.
You've been through it and well enough to which you can almost even see "what'll happen next, and what action will bring these chain of events."
You've been there and done most of that, you used to be the bully, you used to be the caring person. And everything inbetween.
But what happens when after all that, you feel like life is getting pointless again?
And so now I feel I'm runnin' blind.
I know it's no state of depression, or denial... I certainly don't feel that way. And life doesn't seem blank or empty, nothing of that sort. But life doesn't seem happy and exciting either. Even though everything is somewhat alright.
But would if your heart just doesn't want to do crap anymore?
It doesn't want to be mean. But it doesn't want to care?
And your mind enters this state of emptiness.
Almost like a black void.
It's strange...
I've a boyfriend.. who I love ever so much... Cause he's the one who's keeping me from falling into this mental crisis. He's cared for me so much and I care for him. And I don't want to leave him... cause I fear if I do... My mind and soul would sublime into a state of pure emptiness... and he might go through the same, or worse... and I don't want that...
But I feel as if... everything is all still going away...
People I know and loved ones are dropping dead like flies recently...
But I feel no saddness. No pain.
And there is much conflict and drama going around me, and happening to my loved ones and friends as well...
I give my advice as usual, and help them out of it...
But it doesn't make me happy anymore. I don't feel that good feeling for when you help someone, and that action usually makes you feel great about yourself. Like you've made a great accomplishment.
But I feel like I just don't mind it anymore.
I've fought for life and the good things in life. I've suffered and sacrificed to keep what I've got. To keep hold of what few treasures I have in life. My family. My loved ones.
I am Gothic and a sinful Christian (Catholic if you may.), and all that cutting crap. I don't cry. However
I am weak. But persistant enough to keep going through life, no matter how painful it is or was, or how blank it is and more plain and white it's becoming now.
So I just want to know... What do any of you think will happen?...
