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 Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 7:19 pm
In my defense, I'm not usually like this at all. My motto happens to be "Never say cry", though I'm by no means cheerful. Just making it clear. I hate complaining, but all the emotion's gotta go somewhere, no?
So, where to begin...
I was with a guy, let's call him Casey, for almost a year. We were happy, sure... But melancholy. It's like we were just friends who hugged and felt nervous... Yeah, like good pals with neurosis. I think that all changed when I joined a certain forum site. Let's call it "The Pit Stop", or TPS. I joined TPS because the owner needed more members. I was very productive, and played an active part in most graphic designs. Gradually, I became important enough to the site that I was a moderator. I got the owner's (Let's call him... Icarus. Weird name choice, but my view of Icarus suits him.) AIM screen-name so that we could discuss things without waiting for the forum to process it.
So we got to talking, and he was around the same age as I was, but he lived in a different state (and maybe a different state of mind. xD). His life was in a tough time, he was with this awful girl that had just left him for some other guy that doesn't notice her even now e_e (Floozy, that one. Don't know how she sleeps at night, she's atrocious to poor Icarus.) So, being the rather supportive and "I-need-to-help" person that I sadly am, I started helping him out, letting him release his problems. Well, after a while, I grew what I thought at the time to be a crush on him. I told him how I thought I felt, and he confessed that he did actually have a huge crush on me. Fantasy situation, right? Sure. e_e
In the meantime of all this, Casey's being a jerk to me as he seems to have been to everyone else all along. He's trying to find out who I broke up with him for (I don't think I mentioned that yet. I broke up with him through a note [which wasn't the best idea, but my motto is "never say cry".], and he's been after me ever since to ruin whatever I broke up with him for.), and ruining everything that isn't already nailed down and then some.
So we're happy and everything on the outside, he is on the inside... I don't think I'm happy. I'm probably not. =| I think all I've felt for him is concern, any love being that you would feel of a friend who's too endearing to let go, or a kitten that's been stray and you've raised it to be better, so you can't just let it go. I discovered these other feelings long ago, when I was expressing how I thought I felt. So here's the big problem:
He thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him! He thinks I'm the most beautiful girl I've ever met, he's so happy he met me, he doesn't know if he'd still be alive if he hadn't met me.
think about it: Can you be with someone you don't think you really love in that kinda way, hear him express this gratitude and love to you, and ever tell him you don't think you love him?
So, I need help. What do I do? I care about him too much to just break up with him on the spot, and if I make it seem like it's over a problem, he'll think that he's worthless. Icarus always thinks of himself too harshly. How do I make him understand this without him, at the least, cutting off all ties, committing suicide, or going into such a bout of depression that he'll start cutting again?
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 2:14 pm
Mmm....
Gotta hand it to you, that's a tough one.
But one I can kind of understand.
I'd probably feel the same way and at one point even had a friend who professed the same kind of love and in a way felt like you.
But I knew in my heart I couldn't go on lying to him, because in the end all it was going to do was hurt him more.
You're situation is the same and the longer you wait the worse it will be in the end.
Think for a moment how you would feel if the tides were turned?
Wouldn't you be more hurt if you were with someone a long time and they finally told you they knew all along they didn't love you?
I don't know about you but I would.
Sure, he's going to be hurt, but if explain to him that one day he'll find the girl of his dreams and he'll be really happy, tell him you still care about him as a friend and will still be there if he needs you, but you just don't want to hurt him because you know he's been hurt before.
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:20 pm
I say tell him you need time to figure things out. Not lie to him, that would hurt worse then anything. Tell him that right now, it's better for you just to have friends, not boyfriends.
I think that you should have waited longer before becoming a 'couple'. But that's in the past.
Like Unlined Paper said, Tell him you will be there for him, but you can't be a good girlfriend right now. Especially if you don't feel the same for him right now.
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Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 10:55 am
you should tell him that you love him. just not in that way. that he's more like a friend or a brother to you. he will have to know the truth sooner or later, even though it hurts.
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