Divorce

[hotangelictomboy]

my parents have been married for twenty-four years. Now, out of no where, my mother says that she has been emotionally shut out from my father for all those years since they've been married. They got seperated about two months ago and now my mother wants a divorce and she is starting to date a guy named Dave.

how am I supposed to feel about all of this happening so fast. i've seen my parents together for the past eighteen and a half years. I don't know what to do.  

[black_happiness]

Hmm, that's really harsh. I'm really sorry. That does sound bad...

Well, it's going to be hard, but if this is what your parents want, you can't really force them to get married again.... But you can try to talk to each of them, ask both of them what they think about it, what they're going to do, and why they want to get divorced.

Who knows? Maybe Dave is a good guy? Have you ever met him or talked to him?  

[Anabethe]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. it will be hard but for your mother you must be happy for her. When i was small my parents were together, when they were separated i was a bit sad but as i grew up i saw that it was a good decision for her. because staying "together" for kids makes them both miserable. you have to just let your parents live their lives. as much as it hurts.  

[hotangelictomboy]

black_happiness

Hmm, that's really harsh. I'm really sorry. That does sound bad...

Well, it's going to be hard, but if this is what your parents want, you can't really force them to get married again.... But you can try to talk to each of them, ask both of them what they think about it, what they're going to do, and why they want to get divorced.

Who knows? Maybe Dave is a good guy? Have you ever met him or talked to him?

I have never met Dave before. I've talked to him (saying hi on the phone). My mother met him on vacation in Rhode Island, but she's talked to him for a year before that.  

[hotangelictomboy]

meleny7

I'm sorry you have to go through this. it will be hard but for your mother you must be happy for her. When i was small my parents were together, when they were separated i was a bit sad but as i grew up i saw that it was a good decision for her. because staying "together" for kids makes them both miserable. you have to just let your parents live their lives. as much as it hurts.

I've talked to my mother about it and she feels that she doesn't have to explain it to me.  

[Mink_LaLa]

Hm. In my opinion, your mom should talk to you about it; I think she owes you that much. Granted, I may not be the best person to give advice on this because when my parents got divorced I was like, "Okay, whatever." Yes, I was an odd little girl.  

[nytshad]

hotangelictomboy

I've talked to my mother about it and she feels that she doesn't have to explain it to me.

The problem with "grown-ups" is when they go through life changing event like a divorce they suddenly have to reform their identity and they psychologically revert to an almost adolescent mindset. Change is easier when your younger because life changing events happen like every other year.
My guess is that when you asked your mom to explain, she went on the defensive, not unlike a teenager when confronted with someone questioning a lifestyle choice. I'm not saying what your mom did was right or even appropriate, I'm just offering a plausible explaination.
Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do to change you parents' attitudes toward life and each other. You may even find yourself being the most maturely-behaving person in the room. One of the best things to do for your own peace of mind (in my experience) is to find a constructive distraction for those times when you just can't deal with them or their drama. For example, I took up writing and sculpting when my parents started ripping each other apart.

As to how you are supposed to feel: no one can tell you that. Acknowledge the feelings you do have and address the source. Talk it out with someone who is familiar with your family but won't take sides. Some times the only way to make sense of chaos is to verbalize it.

 

[Katie_Mibu]

Every realationship has they're up's and downs, what happen happens....
Maybe you should do some praying it always helps people feel better or you could always express how you feel through music, art, or even poetry.
If you need someone to talk to get a counsler or a friend.

Many kids parent's got divorced, you're not the only one so stay strong there okay?  

[xxtaintedlips]

Try to talk to your parents. I have been through two hard divorces in my life. It pays to stay close. Try to understand it is the best thing for them.  

[icewolfspirit]

Take my hand, Come with me...

That tough. I've never been through a divorce but I'll try to help.
As many people have said, keep talking to them. Don't shut them out because you are confused. They are still your parents. And be open-minded about this Dave guy. He my turn out to be a good person. And If your mom says you don't need an explination then tell her that you DO. Tell her that you are old enough to handle it and that it would make it easier for you. if it would, of course.

...Into this Crystal Village

 

[Medic83]

My parents divorced when i was 15. My mom told me she had caught my dad having an affair. For almost a year i cut off all contact from my dad. Then after that i felt like i was behaving like an a** so i started seeing him again. I am glad i started seeing him again.
As for when my mom started dating other guys, there were 1 or 2 that i thought were cool. The guy that she married, my current step dad is a good man. When i first met him i didn't like him and we fought constantly. Later on we shook hands and burried the hatchet.  

[soul donut]

hotangelictomboy

my parents have been married for twenty-four years. Now, out of no where, my mother says that she has been emotionally shut out from my father for all those years since they've been married. They got seperated about two months ago and now my mother wants a divorce and she is starting to date a guy named Dave.

how am I supposed to feel about all of this happening so fast. i've seen my parents together for the past eighteen and a half years. I don't know what to do.

Everyone reacts differently to these kinds of situations. Don't worry so much about what you think you're "supposed" to feel... How do you actually feel?

I was 12 when my parents got divorced, and for the longest time, I was ashamed to admit...I was relieved. They'd been fighting for so long, and my mother was clearly unhappy, and when she announced she was seeking a divorce, I wasn't upset. I was frigging relieved that I wouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her anymore.

It's hard to see your parents dating other people. Even though I'm the type of person who just rolls with the punches, I have to admit, it was terribly hard to adjust to seeing my mother with a man who was not my father.

Are your parents the kind of people you can open up to? If they are, or if one of them is, sit down with them and just explain how you feel. Be honest, and get it out in the open. Sometimes it's the best thing you can do.  

[btrfly7]

I know it's hard hon but hang in there. Things happen for a reason and you will see things will get easier for you. I do recommend talking to your mom though and tell her how you feel and the both of you need to support each other. I went through the same situation, I was the mom. Now me and my kids have a wonderful relationship and the happiness is more than it was before. Good luck sweetie and hang in there. There will be some bad days but in the long run, all of you will be alright. 3nodding