It's all just too much for me. |:

[iMuffin x3]

So I have alot of issues right now.
I'm debating to stop talking to one of my best friends.
I'm never want to leave school and go home.
And to top it all off. . . I want to be a mother.

It's a pretty long story.

Starts about four years ago, my mom had this BEST friend, she even lived with us. She was practically my second mother. We all (Me, my parents, my sister and the friend.) would hang together, go shopping, play video games, practically anything. Until one night.
My sister was gone at a rely for life thing, and me my mom, dad, and the friend were at home. All of a sudden my dad takes my mom upstiars to tell her something, that the friend was carrying my dads baby. I had no clue what was going on. My mom started running back and forht between the kitchen and bathroom getting razors and knifes, trying to kill herself, my dad following her trying to get her to stop. The friend would not tell my anythign that was going on.
A few hours later my dad comes down to tell the friend that she should leave, so she did. And then my dad went back upstairs, where my mom was packing bags, and starting yelling at her.
Soon enough my mom told me to pack bags for me and my sister, she told me we were going to leave. But that didn't work out my dad just left to go to the friends house with her. He stayed there for a bout a month. My mother at that time wouldn't eat or sleep. all she did was drink beer.
Later, my mom takes my dad back. Why? I'm still yet to know. Now. . .
•They Fight All the time.
•My dad thinks he's just flat out all that, I think it's because he won my mom back.
•They have sex nearly all the time, it seems the only thing holding them together. |:

So I'm pretty messed up from having to go through all of that.
Now to the friend.

See, I'm more of one of those loud obnoxious people. I've always been that way, but still I've matured alot from where I was before, just because what I went through.
Now my frined, is annoying the living out of me. She's allways so immature. and to add to it the only time I'm allowed to talk to my boyfriend, she YELLS at me, saying that I'm dissing her when I talk to her all the time!
It's simply really getting on my nerves.

Now to motherness.
Well obviously theres this guy, I'll tell you about him. His name is Thor, he just turned sixteen. He's a really funny guy, and very romantic. :]
So my story with him. Well.. . . How I got with him, out of pity acually. I never wanted to date him. My freind was dating his friend and we always hung out together. And soon enough I was told that he liked me and my frined was always trying to get me to date him, then one night we were all hanging out together and he looked so sad every time he glanced at me . . . So I finally said yes. So, out of pitty. |:
Me and him ended up really close, it toke a while. But eventually, we went far. We did something we shouldn't have (Take a guess). And well, our condom broke, and we were both scared crapless. So we made a deal, he could talk to someone about it and so would I. But, even though with our efforts not for this to happen, it got out. Soon enough, my sister was told. Then one night she got mad at me and told my parents. They flipped. Then grounded me. I figured it was no biggie. Everyone can get threw groundation but then. My mom read my diary. Now she know's EVERYTHING me and him have ever done. I didn't want to deal with that. . .
So I called up Thor, and told him I was running away. He tried to convince me not to, but failed. So he toke me to an abandoned building to stay in. And told me three days from then, me adn him would run away togther.
BUT, my fathers a cop, and he had EVERYBODY looking for me, I soon enough was found, and arrested.
So, from all this happening Thor parents found out about me and thor,, , ,You know. And told Thor that if he didn't break up with me, he'd have to go back living with his mother, whom he hates, so he broke up with me. Days later I find out I'm pregnant.
I tell him, he doesn't care. He stops talking to me, the last thing he said, "It's for the better." But ever day he started coming to school with blood shot eyes, his frined stold me, over the baby.
In november, the baby dies, due to all the stress I had for losing Thor PLUS the stress from my parents fighting. I'm the worst ever. I couldn't een eat without feeling sick I seriously just fell apart.


About a month later, me and my dad get into a fist fight. I get send to this place, Belmont Pines, instead of going to jail.
I get home in a week.
Go to school.
And Thor talks to me for the first time in months.
Only asking if I was okay.
EVENDENTLY, he as across the street at a friends house when me adn my dad were fighting, I ended up with a concusion, and I was in a strecher being put in a an abulance. He tells be, it litterally felt like his heart just fell out when he saw this.
He starts writing me notes, saying all this stuff aboput how he never stopped caring, how he wished he could take it all back, and how he wished I'd give him a second chance.

I gave him his second chance.
I figured having him back, I'd be fine.
Til', I started having these dreams, of giving birth, now I want the baby I once had back.
I was completly ready for that kid, but my baby ended up dying. And that baby was the only thing keeping me from killing myself (I tryed to three times). Just because I always thought of the fact that I was going to be a mother....


I don't know what to do with all this. D:  

[minus infinity]

I'll start off by saying I'm really sorry about all the pain you must be feeling... -hug-

I think some of these dillemas (if I spelled that right) can be resolved by talking. Like, for the chatty friend, just say that you don't like what shes doing - but in a nice way. I would use "I" statements, which are like:
"I'm upset because..."
"I dont like it when you do that"
So instead of saying "You're so annoying!" 'I' statements help the other person understand your point of view, and hopefully, she will understand.

As for your parents, I think that it could be helpful if you sit everybody down in a family room or something similiar (including your sister and the lady who is carrying your Dad's child) and talk calmly to them. About anything, I guess. Maybe it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but your parents love you, no matter what - and thats why your father wanted to find you that night, because he was worried. Once again, 'I' statements! I can guarentee you they would be willing to listen to you.

And for your boyfriend, talk, talk, talk. I think it was a good idea to get back together - remember, a couple can make it through the thick and thin. If both of you love each other, you can make it. For the baby, its natural to have a longing. Maybe you can write about it in a journal or diary, if you own one. Its actually extremely, super helpful to write your feelings down, it helps take the load off and the pain fades away at least a tiny bit.

And, if you're having trouble in school (referring to the third sentence in your post) talk to your teachers. Family misunderstandings are common, you are most certainly not alone, and every teacher has probably heard of at least one. They will be willing to listen, and if your teachers are the kind
that could care less, theres always school counselours (can't spell over here), and fellow classmates. You'll be okay.

I wish you the best of luck. [: